Damaged

Who never wants to leave this heavenly vacation in Italy? I never want to leave this heavenly vacation in Italy. That’s who. Beautiful sunsets, great food, awesome guy with me, who would want to leave? No one, that’s who.

I mean, some people wanna leave here. I wouldn’t understand why cause neither of us do, but you know. Some people might. 

Jayden fiddled with the plastic mat on the table of the booth her and Carson had decided to sit in. Children scared her, mainly because she was an only child and being subject to parents who probably didn’t love each other since before you were born, she was always terrified of the idea of children. Yet, sitting across from her childhood friend, the man who she had been recently hooking up with and is now on an actual date with and feeling her stomach doing those stupid little flips for. “I kind of like the name Natalie for a little girl. When I used to spend time online in chatrooms, I’d lie and say my name was Natalie…” A small smile appeared on her face. “Sorry. Sometimes I think about a family but since my family is so fucked, I don’t like thinking about having one in fear of screwing them up.” A small gap of silence lingered between Jayden and Carson before she chuckled. “My boobs are great and real, aren’t they? Good thing you have access to them, don’t you?”

Carson wasn’t a fan of children, simply because they’re annoying little shits in his opinion. But he always figured if he found the right woman, that he would raise them right with her. Or him, if that ever happened. But now he’s been thinking about it with Jayden. Which he’s never thought about before, until recently. Something more could come out of this, and it’s scares him. He’s scared of getting his heart broken again. Ever since Zayn, things were rocky for him in the whole relationship era. But with Jayden, he knew that he shouldn’t have to think about his heart breaking. He knew she could take care of him and she knew the same for him. “Natalie...that’s a nice name.  I always liked Carson for a boy, but you know that’s already the greatest guy on this planets name.” He teased, truly not sure what names he had enjoyed, there were quite the few. “Although, I do like Chandler. For either a boy or a girl.” He added, sipping on his water as he looked over at her. “You would be a great mother, you were always so great with my brother. Til my stupid step-sister came along. And I don’t think you would have to worry with me , you know? We’re just weirdos who love eating and sex, but we would do a pretty banging job, I think.” He reached over the table, resting his hand on top of hers. “Best thing in the world, honestly.” He playfully winked at her before smirking.

ffs-carson:

He shook his head, with a soft chuckle. “No--I mean. Yeah, but no. Cause like I’d want that anyway. Did you forget who I am already?” He never thought he’d be talking about having children with Jayden. Although his father had always joked about the two of them growing up to get married and have kids, but he never actually made anything of it. Until now. “Well, I’m gonna defend myself and say because it’s a guy and blah blah blah. But literally you and I both know how much I think about sex--and marshmallows.” Of course he added marshmallows, why wouldn’t he? He kept rambling for a moment until she spoke, his cheeks heating up quickly as she complimented him. “Thanks, Jay. Although sometimes I get too rambly and stuff.” He shakes his head, laughing softly at her following comment. “That’s pretty true, I can’t even lie about it. Your boobs are just so great and real.”

Jayden smiled small, looking down at her hands as she listened to Carson say he had him. It was the truth, they’ve had each other for as long as they could remember, from the most innocent of ways of building forts to the most adult of being tangled in sheets and lips on skin. “They’re children, do not shoot children over marshmallows that can easily be replaced. Children cannot be replaced.” Rolling her eyes of brown with a small smile on her face. “I mean if you woke up with morning wood without me there, that’s what your hands are for. You gotta choose man, either a morning blow job or morning sex. Choose wisely, Kayhill.” There goes Jayden, teasing the holy hell out of Carson where he’d probably have a brain anyeurism just trying to think of what could be better. “Top five?!?! It should be number one–hell I’m willing to be number two to marshmallows but top five? I’m hurt.” Placing her hand on her chest, feigning hurt. Following Carson as he lead them to the booth, Jayden couldn’t help but smirk. “You want to see my beautiful face or is the reason to sit across from you is so you can look down at my boobs?” Jayden asked, tilting her head with a smirk.

Carson wanted Jayden to feel comfortable with him. He always did, and plus she was someone who he knew how to comfort. In all honestly she was probably the only one who who has excellent at comforting. Although that didn’t bother him much. “Actually! We could always just make more children, you know.” He chuckled a little bit, watching her roll her eyes. “Well, it depends on the mood I’m in when I wake up. Like what if I’m horny but not like too horny? Then I’d say the blowjob. But If I want more action and to see your boobs then sex. It’s a tougher decision then you think, Jayden. ” He shakes his head with a smirk as his lips curve into a small grin. He couldn’t believe they were talking about this. “Oh shush! You are number one or two. Or one. I can’t decide yet, but you’re obviously one or two. So, please don’t kill me. And don’t feel hurt because you’re totally one or two. This is giving me a headache.” He rambled for a moment. “Hey! Not everything is about me wanting to look at your boobs, even though that is of course an extra perk.” He tilted his head in return, lips curving into a smirk once again.

thinking out loud | jarson

Jayden chewed on her lip. “Kids usually don’t end up being reasons to stay in a marriage, I would know.” Looking down at her own two feet, Jayden sighed before looking up at Carson once more. “If we do get married and have children, you’re not shooting them over marshmallows, that’s final.” Shaking her head at Carson as he went on about Christina Aguilera, she felt herself laugh. “I’ll remember that. I’ll put post it notes on places I look in case I wake up before you to just either blow you until you wake up or let you think you’re having an awesome sex dream until your eyes open and you see you’re actually not dreaming and sex is actually happening.” With a tilt of her head, Jayden tapped at her chin, thinking about what to say next. “So you’re saying morning sex and night sex is better than marshmallows during sex? Or just better than marshmallows at all? I’ll remember that the next time you say you need marshmallows.” Her eyes fluttered closed, if only for a moment as Carson’s lips met hers softly. Sometimes she worried about Carson when it came to things that was related to his mother. Jayden was proud he wanted to make new memories with her, she just didn’t want him down during their date. “Yeah, yeah, well aware. Just like if there’s something with strawberries or something that’s peanut butter and chocolate, it’s being inhaled by me.” Once inside the diner, Jayden smiled and gripped Carson’s hand a little tighter. “Choose a spot to sit.”

“I cannot help it if I spent a decent portion of my life dead set that I was going to become Mrs. Timberlake, okay? He was the first guy I was sure I was going to marry, that dies hard. You were that way with Christina Aguilera, halfway sure you still are now.” Jayden stopped and laughed, shaking her head along the way. “We don’t have enough sex, wow. So are you insinuating sex at least twice a day? Like wake up and have sex in the shower and then when you’re off doing hot drummer things, you come home and we have sex again? Is that what you’re getting at?” The brunette chewed on her lip as she listened to Carson recall everything else she hadn’t said. “I’m still a small idiot…” she mumbled with a small giggle lacing her speech. There was a small gleam in her eye as Carson spoke about making more great memories there at the diner. Placing a soft kiss against his lips, Jayden smiled. “Okay. Only if you’re okay with going, we’ll go. As for the lifting me up, you can lift me up at home and then drop me to land on your dick.” With a wink and a laugh, Jayden tugged on Carson’s arm. “Come on, let’s get food.”

“Hah, yeah yeah. Well, sucks for you that he now has a child so that dream of yours is out the window. But you can marry me someday and we can have tons of kids who I’ll shoot if they touch my damn marshmallows.” He started, joking about the marrying him part, although you never know. It could happen. “Yes. I was that way with Christina because damn, have you seen her? Have you heard her?! She’s fucking great.” Carson added, laughing a little bit. His ears peaked up when she started to talk about their sex life, a smirk placing on the corner of his lips. “That’s exactly what I’m getting at. Morning sex and night sex! What could be better than that? Nothing, I tell you.” He laughed more at himself, he can’t believe half the shit he says sometimes, but Jayden understands him. “Sometimes you are, but I mean aren’t we all? Me more than you, surely.” His eyes went to look at her when she was looking at him with gleam in her eyes. He kissed her back for a moment, just as soft. “Yeah, I’m okay with it, trust me. Hah! Good one, Jay. I’ll be sure to do that.” Carson follows her when she tugs on his arm, walking towards the entrance with her. “If they have dessert with marshmallows, you know it’s going down.”

“You sound more like a mix of his album FutureSex/LoveSounds and the song he made with Ciara named Love, Sex and Magic–damn it, Carson. You have me spewing out random Justin Timberlake facts on our date, that’s not sexy at all. Stop it.” Of course the brunette was laughing as she spoke the words, like anything could actually ruin the date, especially her being her. If Carson could talk about sex, she was more than inclined to be an idiot. “I don’t know all your sex secrets? Color me intrigued. I guess you’ll have to find out all of mine too. That is of course, you didn’t already think you knew them all.” With a wink, her brown eyes took in the diner, a small gleam in her eyes. She looked down at her knee, the one she scraped when she fell and left a small, faint scar on. “I remember this place. I was so small I couldn’t see over the counter to order a slice of cheesecake. I was so damn adamant about doing one thing on my own. So your mom let me do that and you called yourself trying to lift me, instead we looked like we were doing the scene from Titanic.” Instinctively, Jayden grabbed Carson’s hand. “We don’t have to be here if it’s going to bring sad memories. I can’t let you be sad on our first official date.”

“That’s the album I was going for, Jay, gosh. Yeah that’s my jam. Love, Sex, and Magic. I mean, maybe you shouldn’t know so much about Justin Timberlake, and this wouldn’t be a problem.” He laughed a little bit, he loved teasing her about Justin Timberlake. He shakes his head with another laugh, glasses falling down a little bit. “You really don’t. We haven’t had sex enough yet for you to know them all, which means we must have sex more often. Hm, of course I know that you have more than you lead me to think.” He smirks at her wink, returning one her way. His eyes traveled to her when she looked down at her knee. She remembered. She did. And he knew she did when she said that she did. Which made a brighter smile place his pink lips. “Yes! Because we were small idiots back then. Now we’re just big idiots who can reach over the counter now. What a shame, I liked lifting you up.” Carson laced their fingers together and looked back up at Jayden when she spoke again. He shook his head. “I want to be here. I want to be here, with you. We had a nice memory here and I want to make more of them here.” He assured her he was alright, and he would be alright.

“So then don’t say I’m unfair. I could leave you with blue balls or to fend for yourself, instead I tempt you into sex. I think I’m more than fair.” Running her fingers through her hair for what felt like the millionth time, her cheeks felt like they’d hurt from how much she had been smiling and laughing around Carson. It’s always been this natural with them. “Nips and bites? Ooh, sounds kinky, I like it. Keep talking dirty like that, Kayhill. Her eyes of brown looked over at Carson as he spoke with a small smile on her face. His lips came into contact with the back of her hand and there were small tingles across her skin. With a playful eye roll and a scoff. “You and those damn marshmallows, you’re going to die from eating too much of them.” Jayden unbuckled her seat belt, laughing as Carson opened the door for her as she placed her hand in his. “Thank you my handsome prince.” Her eyes took in the surrounding. “Okay, I may be a little stupid, maybe it’s the time I spent in Florida but…this place looks familiar. Where are we?”

“But your temptations are cruel and I don’t deserve them. I just want love and sex from you, god. I sound like Justin Timberlake’s album right now, oh shit.” He shakes his head, laughing a little bit at his dumbass jokes. He makes more jokes when he is nervous, which she could probably sense. They were getting closer and closer to the diner which made him more nervous than he should be. “You don’t have to worry about me talking dirty, you should know that by now. Although, you don’t know all sex secrets yet.” He shook his head but had a smile on his face as well. It was nice, how much she understood his humor. And how she wasn’t disgusted about how he randomly brings up sex whenever he wants in a conversation. “Don’t tell me that! It will make me want to stop eating them!” He started with a dramatic gasp. Nothing could make him want to stop eating marshmallows. Everyone knew that. It was pretty obvious once you got to know him. Hell, people who just meet him see him chewing on them all day. “Handsome prince? I like it.” He smiles again, and his eyes glance up at the building then back at her. “We are at the diner my mom took us too. The first time we ever went out to lunch with her. That time I ran to get you bandaids after you scraped your knee. And uh my mom wanted to cheer you up so she took us here. Yeah. I haven’t been here since.” He wondered if she would remember. She should, right? He hoped.

Jayden shook her head and laughed a bit. “No, unfair would be to tease you mercilessly and then not give you any kind of sex at all. That’s unfair. Like getting you all hot and bothered only to leave you there with no kind of sex at all? Unfair to the highest power.” The brunette turned a bit in her chair, looking over at Carson with a smirk as he spoke about his face in her boobs. “If  wake up and your face is in my boobs, I expect some kind of fondling too. Just saying.” Shrugging, Jayden faced forward in her seat, lowering her head as she listening to Carson talk about how her body was what he wanted more in life than marshmallows. “So you want my naked body more than you just want me in life in general? Well there goes me saying I wanted you in general. Moment, ruined” Jayden half joked. Maybe she didn’t want to be just something that was sex to Carson, but that part scared her more than the unknown. What if he only wanted just sex from her. “Doritos and Vodka is what got us how we are now. We should definitely restock then.” 

Carson smiled as he heard her laugh, he never really smiled as much as he did when he listened to her laugh. “Okay, okay. Now that is some unfair shit! No sex at all is like torturing me, god. You can’t do that, like no. It’s unacceptable.” He rambled a bit and chuckled as he finished speaking. “Listen, you may or may not get a couple nips or bites, that’s all I can give you. ” He rolled his eyes teasingly as she spoke more, shaking his head. He was obviously teasing her and she knew it. “Ugh! No! That’s not what I meant you know it! You know I want you in all ways possible.” He grabs her hand and brings it to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “We really need to restock them, along with my marshmallows.” He chuckles and steps out of the car, walking over to her side to let her out. “My lady.” He wiggles his eyebrows, holding his hand out for her.

ffs-carson:

“Then that’s just not fair! God, Jayden. You are so unfair to me, it’s ridiculous.” Carson pouted, shaking his head a moment as he kept driving. He was focusing on the road with his eyes, but his mind was one hundred percent on Jayden. And well, making this night perfect for the two of them. More so perfect for her, he wants nothing but the best for her. Surely he’s hoping that’s him. “If my face isn’t in your boobs when you wake up, please be worried.” He teased, chuckling a little bit. It was so casual for them to talk about sex, it always has been. But now it’s even more casual since they do it now, or have been for a while. He was enjoying the transition or whatever this was and really hoped the date made it easier. “Your naked body is everything I want in life. Actually, it’s the only thing other than marshmallows I want in life. You’re lucky. Hm, get naked too. I guess I can do that. It’s only fair to you.” He laughs a little bit again, pulling up to the diner. Pulling into the parking lot. “Well, we can get some more after we leave the diner. Plus, we need more Doritos and Vodka.” Carson glanced over at his best friend, giving her a smile as he parked the car.

“Wow, you actually want to behave. This is new…” Jayden started before Carson finished his statement, adding on how he wanted to touch her boobs. “And that wasn’t new. Good to know you’re still slightly normal, Cars.” The brunette just let her eyes watch Carson as he tried to stumble and backtrack his way through her statement of being over dressed. Her eyebrow raised in amusement, watching her best friend grip onto the steering wheel a bit tighter to a point where his knuckles flashed a bit of white. “You’re thinking of me naked, aren’t you?” Jayden joked, shaking her head and giggling. “Well, I don’t think you’d want to be seen in public with me in pajamas. Sweats neither, that’s not date appropriate. I figured if we’re going to give this date a try and we’re serious about it, then I should dress seriously for a date.” Jayden sat back in her seat, watching Carson and the road ever so often. “You forgot the main part, which is that you’re also mine. Unless you don’t want to be claimed by me then we can just end this date and I can go home” she joked, her eyes serious but the smirk on her face saying otherwise.

“Listen..don’t tempt me to misbehave, Ms. Callaway.” He teased, rolling his eyes playfully. “I’m normal, I’ve always been. What’s not normal about me, come on, Jay. I love your boobs.” He laughed, loving how easy he could talk about her boobs and she wouldn’t get offended about it. It was a thing for them, and he never regretted it. He never regretted anything he said to her, since she knew him like the back of her hand. He chewed on his bottom lip when she spoke, he glanced down at his knuckles. His cheeks flushed a light tint of pink as he tried to avoid saying yes, but she knew. She damn well knew. “Yup. I am. I have been for a couple weeks now.” He admitted, shrugging his shoulders as if it was nothing. “I mean, the second part of our date won’t be out in public, ya doof. So, pajamas or sweats is perfectly okay. Or ya know, nothing.” He teased again, having to make a joke about wanting to see her naked, especially right after he admitted to thinking about her naked. “You’re so evil tonight, aren’t you? What did we run out of gelato or something?” He laughed a little, spotting the diner from where they were. 

ffs-carson:

He rolls his eyes playfully again at the girl. “I bet you I can keep my eyes off of you until we get to the place. I am behaving because I want to behave! But I mean you’re right about the driving part, I wanna touch your boobs so bad not gonna lie.” He shakes his head, chuckling. It was beautiful how he could just open his mouth and say anything he wanted to her without it being weird. Pro’s of being best friends since diapers. “No! No, god no! Well--yes. But no! By over dressed I mean an actual dress, dork. Like you could wear pajama’s or sweats,” he laughs again fingers gripping onto the wheel tighter. His second part of the plan was watching Cruel Intentions with her. Which the sexual tension in the movie could certainly mean that he would be stripping her down. Yet. that wasn’t his intention at all. (Sort of, obviously he wanted it.) “Don’t be mean, you know I’m cool,” Carson pouts his lower lip out looking at her from the corner of his eyes. “I guess cute, hot nerd is okay.”

Jayden playfully rolled her eyes at Carson’s comment. “Are you serious right now? I can’t even get a hint? I mean, you don’t want to see me pout the whole way there, do you?” This might have been the worst attempt at a guilt trip she had ever pulled in her lifetime, but the fact of the matter is, she actually didn’t want to know all the details. Jayden knew Carson went to lengths to even plan the date, she didn’t want to take that away from him. “Am I at least dressed properly for your plan? If you’re not going to tell me anything, just tell me if I’m dressed properly for whatever you’ve got planned.” There was a small moment in the car when everything was quiet, it was peaceful and not even in the least bit awkward. “Thanks, you know?” Jayden spoke. “For this. For being you when I have so many walls and I suck–don’t you even take that as a literal statement to make it a sexual joke like you usually do…” the brunette spoke with a laugh, squeezing Carson’s hand gently. “Thanks. For everything.”

“Ah, the pout. You think you can get me with your pout? Because I will surely keep my eyes off of you the whole entire ride there. I hope you know this.” He rolls his eyes right back at her, playfully of course. He was excited to surprise her, even though they’ve been there plenty of times. But, the diner was the first diner they ever went to together, when his mother was alive. She took them out to lunch there when they were in the city before he moved there. But yet, he hasn’t been back there since. He was glad he was finally going with Jayden though, because if he were to go with anyone he’s glad its her. “Yes! You are always dressed properly, okay. Well maybe a little bit overly dressed for the second half of my plan, but who cares.” He nodded, his glasses falling forward a tad. “Don’t thank me, Jay. I love you, you know that. Anything for you is what I’ll do.” He taps on the wheel with one hand as the other squeezes hers back. “That fucking rhymed, I’m so cool. You are so lucky to be on a date with me, I’m so fucking cool.”

ffs-carson:

He always drove with one hand, everyone knew that. He was perfectly fine with only using one hand. Or if he did use both, he would drum on the wheel while driving. But, this time his hand was underneath Jayden’s and it was comfortable. Which he was glad that he was comfortable--although, he expected it to be. Since it’s his best friend, he figured it would be normal and it was. “Um, no. That would ruin the surprise, honestly.” He replied shaking his head. He’s not sure what it is about the vibe in the car, but he seems more comfortable now than he has ever been with her before. Maybe they are meant to be more than friends. Maybe it’s what “faith” or whatever detected it as. His fingers tap on the wheel as his thoughts are jumbling around his head. “Yup. I would totally run us into a pole if you did that shit right now. So, yes. I suggest you wait so we don’t ruin my car and our bodies.”

Jayden couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at Carson’s statement. “Oh is that so? So are you going to show me all the cure things you’re capable of or is that a surprise?” Maybe she shouldn’t have teased Carson–for many reasons. One, this was supposed to be a date, a simple and romantic and testing to see if they were more than just some sexual attraction. Granted, Jayden was talking about marking the boy as her own, but the way it came about was probably a lot more sexual than she’d let up. Two, teasing him only sparked images in her mind, ones she shouldn’t be having on a date. In her defense sometimes the flirtatious banter was her defense when she was nervous. Jayden wasn’t too nervous, until she realized that he was wearing cologne just for her which made her scared. There was pressure and he was doing things for her that he didn’t need to. Raising an eyebrow as Carson spoke, climbing into the drivers seat of his car, she smiled. “Aw, you love me, that’s cute. I love you too.” Her heart did this weird skip, as if she meant it in more than one way–again, it terrified her. She didn’t flinch though, it almost felt…natural. Real, even. “Also you know you like when I’m a tease, admit it.” she added, holding onto his hand gently.

“Why would I tell you if I’m gonna do that? That would ruin it all. Gosh, Jay.” Carson shakes his head, chuckling a little bit. He was used to her teasing, but it had never affected him the way that it had been now. Before they hooked up he’d just shrug it off and roll his eyes.But now it made him think things that he shouldn’t be thinking. Especially not now. It made him wonder about if she was thinking the same thoughts that he was. He really didn’t want this to be awkward, and yet he couldn’t help but think that one of them would manage to make it awkward. He chewed on the inside of his bottom lip as he tried to sort out his thoughts. They could be flirty and normal, right? Boy did he hope so. “Is it cute? You sure? Awe, you love me too? That’s cute,” he teased her by mimicking her words. He started up the car, and backed out of the driveway, a smirk on his lips. “I’ll never admit it, ever. Nope. You can’t get me to admit it.” He glances down at her hand on top of his for a moment, smirk turning into a smile.

ffs-carson:

Feeling her lips against his cheek, made the both of them heat up. She’s kissed his cheeks before, obviously. But his mind keeps thinking ‘wow this is a date, its different’. “Please, I’m sure I could do much more cute things that you just don’t know about yet.” He smirked, pushing up his glasses as he glanced back over at her. Not sure if he should grab her hand or not, he decides not to. Only because his hands are sweaty from being nervous and that was not something he wanted her to think about. How sweaty is damn hands were. Carson raised a brow as she started to speak, a chuckle slipping his lips as he listens. “You are just trying to make me want you right now, aren’t ya? You little fucking tease,” he pouts when she pulls away from his neck, huffing a little. He opens the door and climbs into the driver seat. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Only Carson would somehow make a simple gray sweater, black jeans and his glasses and his hair done in his usual yet perfect way, look so good and so effortless. Jayden was almost sure she’s seen him wear that before, numerous times actually since the tour and after they both left the tour. Yet, something about the way he looked right then and there, something about how he looked tonight, was more than enough to make her lose her breath. That was the scary part. She wasn’t supposed to feel like this with Carson, they were best friends. Or maybe that’s what made it scary, the fact if this all went downhill, what happens to their best friendship? With a smile on her face as he complimented her, Jayden nodded that she was ready to go before grabbing hold of Carson’s arm. “Wait a minute…” she spoke softly before inhaling. Something was different. Inhaling again, Jayden squinted her eyes and leaned forward. “Are you…are you wearing cologne? The one my brother gave you for Christmas?” Jayden couldn’t help but smile and laugh a bit, Carson hated cologne immensely, yet he was wearing some for her. “Aw, that’s cute. But now I can’t kiss your neck to stake claim if girls look at you while you’re out with me. Pity.”

Okay so, she’s probably seen him in this outfit a couple times before. But it was one of his best ones. And usually when he went out he wore contacts, but she loves his glasses and so does he. He’d rather wear glasses than contacts anyday--expect when he’s drummer. Obviously. It wouldn't be smart to drum with glasses on. His thoughts shook away when he felt his arm being grabbed on, her scent filling his nose. He raises a brow when she speaks, waiting for what she’s going to say after he hears her say wait a minute. He chuckles a little and nods at her question. “Yes. Yes I am. I know I never wear it but I figured I could try it out. And what better place to test it out than on our first date.” His cheeks flushed a bit because he basically admitted that he sprayed the cologne on for her. Which he never thought he’d do something impress her. He had always never had to try and impress her. She knew all his flaws already, so it didn’t quite matter if he did something silly or weird. Yet, here he was trying to impress her for once. “Oh, you could still do that. I wouldn’t mind.” He winks playfully and starts to walk with her towards his jeep.