𝕘𝕦𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥

( tw // emotional manipulation, gaslighting, blood, intoxication  )

- [ keep reading ] -

[ trigger warnings: emotional manipulation, gaslighting, blood, intoxication ]

feyjun​:

{ tw: mentions of hospitals and illness’ }

being around sebin was like a breath of fresh air, especially with everything going on in his life. being diagnosed with leukemia was something that had at some point made yejun lose hope in a lot of things, one of those things being that he would live to grow old, however when he had first met sebin it was as if he had some sort of light in his life once again. the time they spent together through their stays in the hospital, the way they had easily managed to get along with one another, it had definitely made yejun see things a lot more differently than he previously had when he had first been diagnosed with his illness.

he smiles softly at what sebin says, giving a small nod. “i know. i guess it just gets tiring listening to the same things.” he chuckles softly at his own words. of course he knows that even sebin most likely feels the same way as he does, the two having dealt with the same things over and over again that it just gets exhausting both mentally and physically. he has to stay strong though, if not for himself than for at least sebin. the younger male was already going through a lot more than yejun was and he knew this which was why he tried his best, even on the days he really wasn’t feeling well, to smile and be as positive as he could be.

“i sure did!” he makes his way over to the bed and slowly hops in, settling in beside the younger male. “well, it’s nothing really new but something that you like doing.” he turns his head to look at sebin, the smile returning to his face as he does so. he knows that at some point the doctors will come looking for him, knows that they’ll most likely already know where he’s at without having to send out some sort of search party to find him, however until that happens he will spend what little time he has before that trying to help sebin relax some after what all the other had gone through that day.

thinking of this, he realizes that maybe he should just be quick with what he’s brought. if he plays around too much then the younger male won’t be able to enjoy the little ‘surprise’ that he brought. “i brought this for you.” he says this as he pulls out a pair of headphones and his phone, dangling the two items in front of them as he chuckles softly. “i figured you would want some nice music to listen to since you had to deal with everything today. i even added some new songs as well that i thought you would like.” he says all of this as he sets up the headphones, gently placing one into sebin’s ear as he places the other into his and unlocks the device. he makes sure the volume isn’t too loud before he selects one of the songs and tilts his head slightly to look at sebin again, his expression soft as he does.

[ content warnings: hospitals, chronic/terminal illness ]

“nothing new from the doctors, then?” he asks quietly. he’s always hopeful for a change for the other, knowing that the other’s illness could swing abruptly. so could his, to be fair, but the doctors are hopeful, so sebin isn’t too worried. “no changes?” 

yejun’s smile is so soft, and sebin can’t help his smile from spreading across his face at yejun’s optimism and playfulness, his expression genuine even though it falls shortly afterwards as he coughs, sticky and painful, chest aching. but that’s normal for him, and it doesn’t take long for his smile to return, once the coughing fit has passed. it’s easier, with the flow of oxygen through the nasal cannula supporting his recovering lungs, to feel less short of breath. “did you bring a book?” he asks and it’s something that he really enjoys, asking yejun to read for him, even though it makes him feel like a child. there’s something so wondrous about being able to get lost in the fantasy world that surrounds him, so different from what he experiences on a daily basis. so different for yejun, too, he thinks. 

but what yejun presents him with is just as exciting and nice, and his eyes widen when yejun tells him that there are new songs on there, too. sebin loves music. it’s something he really enjoys, and yejun has a different taste in music, opening up new worlds for new songs that sebin draws comfort from when he’s alone. it’s not uncommon at all for the music to be his only companion through the lonely nights he spends in the hospital, the hum of machines his only other company. 

it’s easy to read the other boy–sebin–even without using magic or anything. the other was so jumpy and afraid that it makes donghyun’s heart ache. he’s never been in a situation like this. sure he’s seen his dad comfort people who have wondered into their store sensing the magic and seeking sanctuary. but donghyun himself has never had to be the one to do it. to help someone feel at ease with their surrounding. it’s a little daunting because he really does want to help but he doesn’t know how.

his head cocks to the side as he stays where he was when sebin moves away. not wanting to crowd the other too much. he was trying to help! not make it worse! 

“you’re not safe?” he parrots the words, rolling them around. and a part of him thinks it might be the other thinking it’s not safe here, but he pushes that away because donghyun already assured him it’s safe here! something kind of clicks though and the teen smiles a little. he had though sebin felt odd and it’s because donghyun’s interactions with vampires are rarer than with werewolves. he knew sebin wasn’t a wolf–having grown up around his uncle he knows the feel of a wolf and their wild energy. 

“are you afraid you’ll hurt me?” he questions gently, jumping right to the conclusion that the other is a vampire and not even worried about being wrong. “have you been around witches? we don’t smell very nice is what i’ve been told.” he shifts a little and holds out his arm closer to sebin, as if offering him to test. “i know you won’t hurt me! you’re safe here!” 

shakily, sebin inhales air that he doesn’t need, pressing a hand against the floor to ground himself. control. he has to control himself, he thinks to himself, hand clenching into a fist, and he stares at the other with wide, uncertain eyes. “not safe,” he repeats softly, grateful when the other doesn’t approach him insistently. it helps him to calm down, the other’s unfaltering peacefulness practically radiating out, and he exhales softly, the act comforting in and of itself. 

“y-yes... i hurt people,” he whispers softly, scrubbing at his eyes with a hand. the other — donghyun, he remembers — speaks, and sebin hesitates, the words catching him off guard. is it true? hesitantly, he sniffs slightly, leaning towards the other male with fear gripping his heart, worried that he’ll just snap and rip into the other’s wrist. 

but donghyun is right — he doesn’t smell like something sebin wants to eat. it’s like sungha, and sebin settles down a little more, feeling better than before now that he knows he’s less likely to hurt donghyun. after all, he’s never hurt sungha, right? he doesn’t think he has. he thinks sungha would have been very disappointed and angry if he had, and sebin doesn’t want to hurt donghyun, either. he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. he just can’t control himself, sometimes. 

feyxareum​:

areum knew that sebin was frightened by her, she noticed these little things even when she acted as if she didn’t. how could she not pick up on this when she was around him quite a bit, especially when she paid a little visit to sungha while delivering special items to the witch. it wasn’t like she had asked him to create sebin, however she also knew that the fledgling didn’t exactly ask to be turned with the use of her blood either.

she couldn’t exactly remember whether or not if she herself had asked to be turned back then or if it had been against her own will, some things revolving around the night her village was attacked were still a blur to her and she honestly never really cared to actually ask her sire about any of it. it was already bad enough having the nightmares that she did about what happened to her family back then and she wasn’t exactly wanting to add onto that.

listening to sebin speak, areum lets out a sigh, rolling her eyes as she remembers how sungha had explained all of this to her a few days before. “right, the witch had to dump you off on me. i forgot.” she says this as she steps to the side, opening the door a bit more for him to enter. “hurry in before i change my mind.” her tone and expression change just slightly, though the annoyance is still clearly there. maybe if she actually had so much as a little bit of emotions she would actually care for sebin ( despite her not being the one who actually turned him herself ) however she couldn’t care less about him. was that harsh? most likely, however it’s just how she was.

once he’s inside, she shuts the door and makes sure to lock it before she turns towards him, crossing her arms as she walks around him and makes her way towards the kitchen where she had previously been before she had been interrupted. she stops once she’s at the doorway and glances back at the young male. “are you hungry?” honestly she would love to say that she doesn’t care whether or not he’s eaten, however she had to admit that she still was his sire and if something were to happen where he attacked a human, and possibly killed them, then it would fall back on her either way, especially when she was the one tasked to keep an eye on him while sungha was away.

sebin should really be less obvious with how much areum scares him. but it’s hard for him to resist his instincts — in general. not only does he have a difficult time controlling his emotions and instincts when they warn him against something or when he desperately seeks affection, it’s also hard for him to control his instincts when he scents blood. everything is hard for him. 

“i’m sorry,” he mumbles softly at areum’s annoyed tone, relieved when she opens the door and he hurries inside at the reluctant invitation, before she can retract it. sebin would never dare to impose on someone who had explicitly said no to him, too dependent now to take a step like that. perhaps sebin in the past, sick though he was, would have willingly spoken up in uncomfortable situations, but now? sebin looks to sungha to handle any type of conflict, especially with someone as frightening as his sire. 

“i...” he starts, his throat itching at the mention of being hungry, and he swallows, suddenly parched. is he hungry? he’s almost always hungry, at least a little bit. maybe it’s why he’s never really learned how to control himself — the bloodlust takes over far too easily, it’s a little bit too easy to spiral out of control when it’s always hovering just at the edge of his mind. 

it’s almost too easy.

he had spent many days in sebin’s hospital room, memorising each shift of expression, noting down what makes the other click, the words he’ll carefully select to draw sebin in closer to him, gentle gestures he’d grant the other so sebin will continue to stay by his side—to smile for him. it’s like breathing, a natural reaction that simply occurs. each twinge of sebin’s response, the ragged breathing he hears and the panic that begins to rise is as he expected. exactly what he had been hoping for. sungha lets sebin speak, desperate rambling in between tattered huffs. all the while, he remains calm and composed, he’s rarely ever otherwise.

( tw // emotional manipulation, gaslighting, blood )

- [ keep reading ] -

[ trigger warnings: emotional manipulation, gaslighting, blood, intoxication ]

feytaeyoon​:

( … )

his eyes land on the thing that had just attacked him and a startled gasp leaves his lips. eyes widening in horror at what he’s seeing because it’s not just some vampire. no. not some random creature which had decided to make taeyoons it’s snack for the evening. a horrified whisper leaves his lips. “sebin hyung?” as if he can’t fully believe what it is he’s seeing but he’s been around the older enough times to know what he looks like. it makes his body run cold ( though part of that could be the blood loss too ) and he repeats. “thats– thats sebin hyung.” a little louder. almost begging someone to tell him he’s wrong. 

sebin died. so why is he here now? 

( ... )

as he stares down at sebin, his gaze shifts into one of regret. there’s so many things he wants to say to sebin, he isn’t even sure if his cousin would be able to hear him or even recognise him. he wonders how he’s faring as a supernatural himself, but noticing sebin’s brittle bones and the way he has no control over himself, jisung can come to his own conclusions. it must not have been easy, jisung knew exactly how it felt, having to go through it alone.

“sebin hyung, i’m—i’m sorry,” he says, not knowing what else to tell the other. he can’t help but ponder over whether he’d be able to save sebin from this life, a curse. he’s not sure what to do now, whether he’d be able to hurt the other to save taeyoon.

the way that his name sounds in the mouths of others has become something utterly unfamiliar to him. he only ever hears it in one voice now, has only heard it like that for the past two years, and his mind has been so muddled that he almost doesn’t remember how things had been... before. it cuts through the fog of bloodlust that clouds his mind, a sharp knife with a sweet voice and he stills momentarily, the rage in his face at being thwarted twisting into one of confusion.  

sebin hyung. the words stir something inside of him and he shivers, a soft little whimper escaping his lips as he twitches under the strong grip of the person holding him down. sebinnie. the cooed tone is what he’s accustomed to, playing from another part of his mind, and he whitnes softly, knowing that it’s sungha in his mind. sungha, his saviour. but he hears it again, the softer way that the tongue curls around his name, no cloying sweetness to it — sebin hyung. the voices are so familiar and he arches slightly, weak compared to the other, still trying to get free even if  his mind is trying to sluggishly piece things together. sebin hyung, i’m—i’m sorry.

he gasps and it feels like he’s broken through the surface of the water when the voice resonates inside his head. he stares at the person holding him down with eyes that are blown wide with shock and fear, realization slowly dawning on him. if his heart still beat in his chest, it surely would have stuttered in that moment. 

“ji... sung,” he rasps out, limbs falling still under the other’s strength on his chest. his eyes burn and his chest aches, but it’s not because of his cousin’s weight on his chest. jisung smells so good but he isn’t human... he isn’t human anymore. he’s finally connecting all the dots, the pieces of strangeness and familiarity he had noticed while still hazy with bloodlust, and the result is something he doesn’t know how to cope with. “jisung,” he breathes out, and this time it’s a broken noise. 

feyjun​:

yejun remembered when he had been able to freely do what he wanted with no worries of getting sick, those were the times that he had missed the most really, though he knew that there was nothing he could do at this point. he knows that he can get better, however there’s always that chance of a relapse if that happens and he was beginning to just accept the fact that there would be a day where he wouldn’t be able to avoid fate for very long.

sometimes when he wasn’t visiting sebin’s room he would stare out of the hospital window to watch the people outside passing by and wish that he could do the same. some days he would sneak up to the rooftop and actually enjoy a bit of fresh air for just a few moments when he was feeling stuffy being stuck in his hospital room. when sebin was either too exhausted for visitors or even busy getting treatments or going through his round of tests, yejun would roam around the hospital ( while trying to avoid the doctors and nurses ) and just get a little exercise.

honestly, he knew that sebin had it more rough than he did himself, yejun knew in a way what the younger male was going through because he himself had been diagnosed at a young age as well and he knew how much it all sucked. this was one of the reasons why he made sure to do his best when visiting the others room to help sebin feel relaxed and tried helping him take his mind off of all the troubles that he went through.

yejun can see just how tired sebin is and it takes all of his mental strength to not allow his expression to falter at the sight, keeping the same smile that he had when he first entered. “besides the doctors pestering me most of the day like usual, i’m doing alright i guess.” he tilts his head just slightly to the side as he purses his lips and thinks for a moment before his smile returns. “guess what i brought with me today? i’ll give you three chances and if you manage to get it right i’ll grant you one wish.”

[ content warnings: hospitals, chronic/terminal illness ]

sebin can’t help his smile when yejun speaks with him like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with either of them. every time yejun speaks like the doctors are just needling him endlessly for no reason, rather than being one of the main reasons they’re both still alive, it makes sebin giggle. the older male arguably has the shorter end of the stick, and yet he can still treat his illness with such lightness. 

it gives him some kind of hope, or the energy to keep going. “the doctors... are trying to help,” he says with a tired smile, though there’s no actual heat in his words, just saying it for the sake of teasing yejun. his illness might result in intense periods of exhaustion as his body tries to fight off lung infections and other complications, but for the most part, sebin is able to live outside of the hospital. he doesn’t know how much time yejun has to spend here, but he’s willing to wager that it’s more than him, and yet somehow the other always manages to be positive. it helps him smile more, despite whatever is happening. 

“you... brought something?” he breathes out, his eyes brightening as he tries to think about what the other might have brought. “but you... have to give me hints, hyung... there are so many things...” he might be tired, but he’s not going to turn down rare company (even if yejun’s presence isn’t that rare), and he pushes himself up slightly in bed so he’s more propped up, patting the empty space on the bed he’d just created for the other. “don’t stand... you’ll get tired,” he encourages.

feyxareum​:

there had always been that relaxing feeling of being alone in her own home, the quietness being something that she had grown to love over the years. she didn’t have to deal with the headache of putting up with someone living in her house, pestering her every single time she turned around, it was amazing. yes she had the occasional ‘guest’ over, however that was only when she was bored and wanted to have a little fun torturing another being really.

it was rare for her to have visitors or to even have any trespassers on her property because most of the other supernatural creatures within the city knew not to even attempt showing up, most of them knowing very well that areum was the type who would show no mercy and wouldn’t hesitate to end their life as quick as possible. so, when she hears the sudden knock on her door she stops what she’s doing, currently in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of Karuizawa Vintage 1965 Cask whiskey. she lets out a heavy sigh, the current relaxed feeling she had being replaced with annoyance as she sets the bottle down onto the counter.

she makes her way out of the kitchen and into the living room, her expression looking murderous as she approaches the door and opens it out of frustration. “i swear i can’t get any-” she pauses when she lays eyes on who it is, her eyes narrowing at sebin before her gaze shifts to look behind him as she speaks. “what are you doing here little fledgling?” when she realizes that he is in fact alone she returns her gaze to him. “you’re alone… where is your witch friend at?” 

he shifts from foot to foot, even though he doesn’t need to. there’s no need for him to move — he could easily stand there for hours and hours and feel absolutely fine. it’s a far cry from the sebin he had been when he was human, but at the same time, it’s still strange. everything is strange... the door opens, and his eyes widen as he takes a half step back out of instinct. the aura surrounding areum speaks of annoyance, and despite sebin knowing (intellectually and instinctively) that she is his sire, she scares him. 

he thinks she might even enjoy it, sometimes. 

he shies away from her, her expression so frightening, as though she could spear him through the lungs that had never worked for him as a human, the lungs that were no longer necessary in his new life. it’s strange what a difference it makes — he had died because of his lungs, and now his lungs will never affect him. sebin can’t wrap his mind around it. 

for a few moments, the only thing he can do in the face of areum’s displeasure is stare dumbly at her. “s-sungha said he had to go away for a few days,” he manages after long moments, fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie, gnawing on his bottom lip out of anxiety. he wants sungha. he wants sungha there, because when sungha is there, not only does sebin feel safe, automatically, but areum’s attention is also often focused more on the witch than on him. he likes it better that way. 

feyjaeyong​:

he doesn’t have one? how curious. how is he still alive, then? why hasn’t that member of the vampire council fond of abandoned fledglings wrangled him yet? why hasn’t the other killed him for the damage he’s done? oh, what a pleasure this is. what an honor for him to fall into jaeyong’s hands, and for him to deliver the final blow. poor abandoned fledgling. poor bloodthirsty monster. “oh, geez,” jaeyong sighs. “i’m sorry,” for his loss, for his misfortune, for something he doesn’t actually mean. he sticks out his bottom lip in a sympathetic frown, feigned, made obvious by the wicked grin that follows soon after.

the sound of him begging satisfies jaeyong so deeply, like a drug in his own right. that dark smile lingers on his lips, knife still twisting between his fingers, constant threat yet constant sign that the vampire still lives, for now. “oh?” he doesn’t want to die. the smile disappears momentarily, replaced by mock thought, blinking as he pretends to consider this very convincing, very convicting plea. “hmmmm…” he observes the vampire, weak and struggling, pitiful, but jaeyong doesn’t truly pity him at all.

he smiles again. “don’t you know…” he pauses for dramatic effect– dramatic, as most things with jaeyong are. “you’re already dead.” the knife stops spinning between his fingers. does jaeyong refer to the first death that led to his immortal state? that death– the intended only death, the death jaeyong is destined to return them to. does he mean now, with this gaping wound and jaeyong’s knife poised to strike again, this time the finishing blow?

he’ll aim for the heart next, though the allure of another nonlethal wound is tempting: more spilled vampire blood, more pain for a creature so deserving, more panic in his eyes. no. jaeyong is slowly changing, the past month hardening him in new ways, and whether it’s frayed patience or something else is uncertain.

it still drives him to close the distance between them regardless, knife bared, aimed straight for the heart after all.

[ trigger warnings: violence, blood ]

for a moment, sebin naively hopes that the hunter will simply let him go. sebin hasn’t been bad, has he? not bad enough to warrant something as serious as death... he really hopes not, at least. he knows he’s hurt people, but... he hadn’t meant to. he’s not a bad person, is he? he inhales — air he doesn’t need, rushing in through still lungs, and he whimpers in pain as the movement jostles his wound again. it’s not healing. why isn’t it healing? sungha had always said that his wounds healed quickly, it was one of the advantages of being a vampire, wasn’t it? 

the other’s words, however, are what really make him freeze in his spot. don’t you know... you’re already dead. the words freeze him like a gust of chilly wind might if one is already wet, and he can only stare up at the hunter with eyes widened and full of pain. “i—” he starts, before he falls silent again, his mind racing painfully. he’s already dead. that’s true. would it be better if he were to return to that state — properly dead? would it be less confusing? 

sebin, fool that he is, easily distracted that he is, has forgotten that he is not just here to ruminate about what exactly, he is. there is a hunter intent on killing him in front of him, and he jolts back into awareness, shaken out of his spiralling thoughts, when movement startles him. he moves but it’s already too late, vervain-poisoned silver knife striking deep into his chest. just in time to prevent his death. he’s just lucky he doesn’t actually need to breathe. 

it’s too late to avoid the blade, too late to avoid the agony that tears through him, and he screams, gasping for breath that he doesn’t need. but his movement had been just enough that the knife hadn’t found its way into his heart, and he wheezes out a pained sound, knees trembling violently under him as he stumbles backwards uselessly, poison working its way through his body, clothing stained a deep red. 

it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it HURTS IT HURTS! 

a starter for @feyxareum !

there’s something very disconcerting about being in an unfamiliar place without the comfort of sungha near him. the thing is that the person whose residence he is standing in front of is someone that sebin is actually very attached to. but regardless of her status in his life, the way that he can be compelled to follow her orders, regardless of the importance that she holds as his sire, sebin has never felt safe around her. always uncertain, unsure, worried that he will do something wrong which will be reported to sungha. 

but there’s no other choice — sungha has to leave for a few days, and neither of them trust sebin to care for himself inside their apartment. there are too many things that could go wrong, without supervision. hence why he finds himself standing outside a familiar-yet-unfamiliar door, clutching the hem of his hoodie that makes him look even smaller than he already is. 

feyminsoo​:

cute, is the first thing that minsoo thinks while he watches how this vampire acts when he’s still a little hazy, just then the werewolf realizing that of course he’s all sloppy like that because he’s drunk, perhaps a little too soon for what minsoo would expect — and that again just makes the omega werewolf a little more worried about this stranger. shouldn’t he have some sort of older vampire looking after him? to exactly avoid this sort of situations? what if minwoo was human instead of a werewolf? he’d be clearly be left in a much worse condition than the one he is in now and then the council could easily have a problem in their hands if this kid isn’t looked after.

that’s why minsoo can’t help the grin that appears on his lips the way the other tells him his name. “alright, sebinnie.” he repeats, tone still gentle like he’s talking to one of his kids. before looking around, trying to catch the sign of anything, but looking for another vampire, just anyone who could be following sebin or trying to find him but there’s nothing, or at least nothing that he can catch which is also a little weird, maybe not so much if sebin was clearly an older vampire that for some inconvenient incident took way too long to feed again, but this is a baby, and babies shouldn’t be left on their own. 

minsoo turns to sebin again, hands still cupping his face gently like that would help the other focus on him, hopefully not to fall asleep. “i need you to stay awake for me, ok, sweetheart? just for a bit.” hopefully for long enough for the werewolf to find out where he’s supposed to drop him or as a last alternative he’d just take him to his own apartment — a small mercy, minsoo thinks, since despite being ridiculously irresponsible when it’s only about himself, he’d never put his family in danger bringing a vampire home if he still lived with them, even when they’re all witches (sans hyunwoo and the only one who would have minsoo’s head for it) and at least the risk of them getting attacked and sucked dry was minimal. 

“is there someone with you?” the werewolf asks with raised eyebrows. “or somewhere i can drop you off?” then he bites his tongue to not just interrogate sebin, knows that he isn’t exactly in the best state of mind to process a lot of questions or if they’re too long, so he lets the other gather his own thoughts to answer, minsoo’s composure and expression showing nothing but patience and kindness. 

[ trigger warnings: intoxication, mentions of emotional manipulation ]

sebin is so, so sleepy. the man’s voice is quite nice, he thinks, all soft and warm like a blanket when it’s tucked around his chin at bedtime. sungha does that for him. he likes that feeling. it feels like how, when he’s been very, very good, sungha presses a kiss to his forehead. it feels like that kind of warmth, and sebin really likes it. the way the man says his name is so nice. 

sebinnie. he likes being called that. sungha only calls him sebin when he’s not been quite so good, and he doesn’t want to get into any more trouble. is he in trouble now? probably not, he thinks drowsily, his thoughts fluttering around like butterflies in his very, very jumbled mind. he shouldn’t be in trouble because he didn’t hurt anyone, right? sungha won’t be angry at him. the man is cupping his face and sebin gives a sleepy little smile, his dimples showing as he nuzzles the other’s hand with an instinctive motion. 

“mhmm,” he hums at the request to stay awake. it’s so soft and nice that sebin doesn’t really process what the other is saying, just listening to the sound of the words, his eyes blinking slowly as he fights the urge to just curl up and fall asleep. he’s supposed to nap in his bed, not outside in random places, and definitely not with a stranger. “sorry...” he mumbles as he clumsily pats the stranger’s chest, apologizing for biting him even if it didn’t hurt. 

[ trigger warnings: emotional manipulation ]

love. 

love is such a funny word, isn’t it? it’s only four letters and yet it carries such depth, such importance, such weight. love carries so much on its shoulders and bears the heaviest burdens when it is genuine. and yet, at the same time, it’s so easy to have the words mean absolutely nothing. 

for sebin, though, the words mean so much. does he love sungha? 

the answer, unequivocally, is yes.

and in a way, perhaps that, too, is a product of what sungha has done to him. would sebin, in his right mind, aware of everything that sungha had engineered behind the scenes, still say that he loved sungha? no one will ever know.

but sebin loves sungha. he does. sungha is his saviour, his best friend, his guardian and protector. sungha is always seeking to make him stronger, to protect him from the world around them that is aggressive and wants to hurt them. there is no doubt in sebin’s mind that sungha is the most important person in his life after he’d reawakened. 

he’s not quite capable of wondering why sungha is the only one who knows about him.

there aren’t words to describe just how much sungha means to sebin. the other has become more than just a friend, but almost the centre of sebin’s world. so the paltry question of love? 

easy. 

sebin doesn’t remember a lot about the life he had before he died. it feels like they’re locked behind hazy gates, barriers that block off access to his clear thoughts, and it constantly feels like he’s swimming through a pool of clouds — insubstantial and yet so stifling. 

but he remembers the warmth of bodies pressed up against him, the cooing of voices in his ears, the press of lips against his forehead. and he aches for that, from time to time. it’s okay for the most part, his memories buried behind all the other things that call at his attention, distracting him from ruminating on the things he misses. 

if he had to verbalize it now, he probably wouldn’t be able to. he can’t quite put his tongue to the word that would encompass the feeling that he misses, distantly though it is. he misses the warmth in his mother’s hugs, the feeling of his father’s hand ruffling his hair. he misses jisung’s hand in his, a silent squeeze saying more than he needs to know.

a third party would say that what he’s missing is affection.