the thin bug with 1million shoes

the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.

wait wtf is cream soda

cause when we're creaming and popping...

we’re cropping?

we're peaming

there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach

ice water is awesome because you get more water in your water

you think youre out of water but then you check back in five minutes and woah! theres more water! the world is so beautiful

advertising lemonade is pointless. the human body already knows it needs it

Killed this ant that came in the kitchen and the next day it came right back but it was holding a needle. Killed it again and it came back the next day wearing a cape and then I noticed I had a giant HP bar labeled KITCHEN BEHEMOTH and I was like man cmon dont call me that

Chappell Roan was right. it is like a hundred ninety nine degrees

And no one is even doing it with me

*sighs sadly* doing it with me…

parents around the globe are listening to some shit loud as fuck on the Tv

I’ve seen you people thirst after men I wouldn’t even feed to my creature

I should quit my job to pursue a life of meaningless violence

formative years? aren’t they all?

show me a permanent self and i will show you a facade or a corpse