Rating CDF characters on how I think they’d be in an airport (as someone currently sitting in an airport)
• Darren: 6/10 but you can’t blame him. He hasn’t been an airport since he was like 7 and his parents took the family to Disneyland or something. He lines up as soon as they start calling your flight even though you’re not til zone 4, then he claps for the pilot and stands up as soon as the seatbelt light goes off.
• Larten: I want you to look me dead in the eye and tell me you think there’s even a fraction of a chance that man is getting through security. Be so for real. (Listen if you aren’t satisfied with my assessment please feel free to write your own shitpost).
• Seba: see above. Something something abomination. Iykyk.
• Harkat: 10/10. Sturdy little guy. Low centre of gravity makes him very handy with the luggage. Plus his chill demeanour after all the drama he’s survived make him a pleasant companion in a stressful situation.
• Mika: 8/10. God herself created Mika Ver Leth specifically to thrive in this environment. It was due to an administrative error that he was born a few centuries too early to really make the most of it. But for you personally he loses points because 0 fun will be had. You’re not even getting a snack break, although he will find time for a quick whiskey on the rocks (to go; he’s very persuasive). If you can keep up you don’t have to worry about missing your flight. Security fears him. Say goodbye to your passport and boarding pass. He’s hanging onto it. Follow him closely because he’s not turning around if you get separated. He’d leave his own kid behind if he had one (hah), and not because he forgot. Won’t take his Xanax til he’s seated in the plane.
• Arrow: 3/10. Gets turned away at security because he will not check his boomerangs under any circumstances. He’s very respectful about it though, hence his 3 points. Rules are rules and he understands. He chuckles about how security is also pretty tight where he works so he doesn’t take it personally.
• Arra: 2/10. Same issues with weaponry in security but without the understanding.
• Paris: 4/10. Super chill but the chance of missing your flight is more than zero. It’s just that he can’t really bring himself to summon a sense of urgency for this type of thing. What does he have to rush for? Meetings? What are they gonna do, start without him?
• Vancha: no rating available because he simply won’t put himself through this. Not even in a hypothetical crack simulation. He will walk or he will swim.
• Vanez: 8/10. His vision impairment allows certain accessibility privileges. Minor hiccup with the weapons in security (bit of a trend here) but he insists his sword is necessary for his safety so they let him keep it as long as he promises to put it in the overhead bin during the flight.
• Kurda: 10/10. Excellent with people and situations. Rawdogs the entire flight with just the map screen for entertainment.
• Steve: idk why I even put him on this list when he’s banned from most major airlines.
• Gavner: 10/10. Easy guy to do stuff with. You get the distinct impression he’s trying to be the Best at security, the Best at behaving correctly on the plane, etc. You wonder who he’s trying to impress, considering Larten didn’t even make it through security. You suppose it’s such a deep-seated habit he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it anymore.
• Gannen: 10/10. Very competent at cosplaying normalcy, especially if he gets a break from Steve.
• Evra: 10/10. No notes. He works full time and has 3 kids. This is light work.
• Alice & Debbie: 20/10. See Costco post. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time they’ll adopt you.
