Josh Os

The artificial heat of the diner felt stuffy to Josh, and the smell of greasy diner food permeating the air didn’t help either. That, combined with the amount of coffee in his stomach versus the amount of food had Josh feeling a bit nauseous. Regardless, Josh gulped down the cheap coffee — weak and acidic but packed full of caffeine — which was just what he thought he needed. He’d been getting less and less sleep, running off ‘liquid naps’ and occasionally passing out for twenty or so minutes when he sat for any length of time without funneling cup after cup of coffee, or can after can of energy drink into his stomach.

He was having a hard time telling if it was late night or early morning anymore — was 4am considered extremely early? Or was it extremely late? It didn’t matter to Josh, he’d seen far too many of the dark hour in the past month. He just wanted to sleep. He didn’t want to deal with celestial politics, he didn’t want to deal with this weird sickness thing, he didn’t want to deal with his sister getting kidnapped… he just wanted to be a regular person who could just exist without having to deal with the current situations.

He set down the, now empty, mug and squeezed his eyes shut, scrunching his face in the process. He had to stay up tonight, he’d asked Raziel to meet up with him. Josh wanted to ask Raz about his opinion on the current angelic political sphere, because when Shibah had cornered him… well, it didn’t go well. He wanted a second opinion, and also the other side of the coin; he trusted Raz and needed to hear what he had to say.

So he waited in the booth for Raziel.

Adele: Are you sure you have the right Adele? This is Adele Davis, from Smooth Moves and Zoe's friend?

Adele: It's cool if you got me mixed up with someone else, it happens all the time. There's a ton of us out there.

Josh: yes???

Josh: of course I meant u

Josh: my lovely coworker

Josh: who is also a real good cook

Josh: pls help me ;O;

Rating: ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“Well two of the options are practically my sisters, so like… I’d marry Adele. Pass on the other two options.”

Josh: hey adele! it's josh if you've forgotten my number

Josh: i made some eggnog and like

Josh: i have no idea if i made it right

Josh: and i trust your tastes better than mine

Rating: ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“Raz.”

Rating: ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“Oh that’s difficult, they’re all great. Gotta say though that I know Zoe the best so she has a slight edge.”

Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

“Um, geez.”

“Gotta say just… coming out as, well, y’know, not cis, to my dad.”

“I― no? I didn’t even bring a coat.”

“It’s not your fault, you don’t have… anythin’ to say sorry for when you didn’t know that ah might have been a bit more nervous than I was leadin’ on up to this event. A lot of.. faith in me an’ I don’t want to let anyone down, you know? Before when I was home, it was my daddy that everyone looked up to an’ listened to what he had to say, but he ain’t here… an’ I know it ain’t just me up there but― it’s a bit easier to not be so nervous when there’s no one around, waitin’ for you to say somethin’.”

“Not that you have to leave or nothin’, yet, ‘less you got somewhere to be… in which case I’m gonna be fine an’ not live in here ‘cause there ain’t even any food or anythin’ to read in here.”

"It was just a- y'know, nevermind, i- it's really not important ahaha."

"Yeah, that's true but, consider this, maybe it's my shtick to apologise for things that aren't my fault? But, hey, you'll do great up there, okay? I believe in you."

“It does to like, coat people..”

“Oh great, if I wasn’t nervous ‘fore than I’m for sure to be now. I had tried not to think about the amount of people out there, waitin’ for the panel to start but it seems that’s all I’ve been able to think about. I haven’t even been able to look at the food. I’ve been one with the coats.. not that I plan to live in here. At least not forever..”

"Are you saying you're a coat person?"

"Ahh, sorry, sorry! You'll do great, you shouldn't worry too much. You have a sweet personality; they'll love you."

“That’s exactly why… they’re good for quiet.. ‘cause, yeah, no one else thinks to come back here ‘less they need somethin’.. like a coat.”

“I’m… nervous. Ah wanna say that I’m fine, but that’d be a bit of a stretch which, doubt you’d believe… ‘less I was out there.”

"I'm sure. And, yeah, that makes sense."

Josh had been told he’d had sad eyes for a long time, but it wasn’t until he was told that very same thing by someone he trusted - Adele - that he realized that he didn’t have any way to fix it.

He wanted companionship, he craved it. But he knew - knew - that it wasn’t something that he should allow himself. What would happen when he eventually had to choose when he died? What would happen to the person (or persons) that he’d decided to share affections with?

He knew, that he wouldn’t be able to choose to die if he had a loving relationship in his life. He knew better than to be so selfish as to put someone else through that grief.

I kicked the habit (6WS) Location: OMFG Date: 29 October Availability: @attemptingascension

Josh’s agitation was getting the better of him. “I don’t want to be a messiah,” he hissed, “I finally kicked the habit of being a self-sacrificing idiot to anyone that I deemed worthy enough.”

He had a crease in his forehead that only showed up when he was truly frustrated. He didn’t want to do this, he didn’t want this responsibility, he didn’t want to have his hand forced.

He ran a hand through the long top of his hair, pulling on the blond strands a little. “What exactly do you want anyway? Aren’t there more important things for you to focus on?” His question was pointed, sharp, he didn’t appreciate the stress Shibah was putting on him.