el tiburón

i made the mistake of watching football with people who actually know what they’re talking about and apparently asking why something was offside more than once is enough to get you banned from the conversation. i’m still convinced everyone just pretends to understand that rule. you’re probably the worst possible person to ask if i want someone to agree with me, though. @ferrantrres

Okay, I laughed! I swear to you asking why something is offside more than once doesn't mean you deserve to be banned from the conversation. You know what? I think it's a guys thing, like, women don't have a problem explaining it to you but men can get really territorial about football and they want to feel like they're the only ones who understand what offside is, but really it's not that hard to explain so they should bother a little if that means to get someone slightly interested in our sport, you know? Hey, I'll agree with you! Some offsides are difficult to spot, so I just trust professionals and VAR even when they work to my detriment at times.

i haven't seen you since the world cup final and i didn't get a chance to congratulate you in person. for one, i got semi drunk up in the stands, but also, i'm assuming you had a small army of people crowding you after the win. deserved, by the way. i think i speak for pretty much every human being when i say you fought for justice. dude, it's like you're part of the avengers. ( @ferrantrres )

I remember seeing you guys out there! But you're right that after the final there was a bit of a small army around all of us, I don't blame you for not getting through. I would've loved to meet you properly, it would've been nice to see you, including the half-time but we were kinda busy trying to catch out breaths. Thank you, man! Winning that final still feels a bit surreal, especially knowing how much went into getting there, so hearing you say that means a lot. I'm laughing at the idea of me being part of the Avengers. We really had to pry that cup out of Argentina hands, they weren't playing fair at all, even after the match they showed their true colors... not a nice look for their national team at all.

I'm such a fan so I have to know if the rumors of a transfer are true and what your thoughts on it are.@ferrantrres

I knew the transfer rumours would eventually come up, even with us trying our best to hide it. There's nothing I can really confirm yet since there haven't been any confirmations made by the club itself. I've had meetings and we talked things through, that's all I can say! I've been very happy at Barça and I love the people there, the fans not so much since they've been so harsh on me for no reason. If staying is the right thing for me, I'd be very happy with that. If something else makes more sense for my career, then I think it's fair I consider it. You're a Barcelona fan or just football in general?

There’s no other way I would have read it, and I love that you did that haha bonded already haha ayyyy, you’re asking me to ditch my love for Colombia?! I don’t know, hombre. That seems like a big ask from me. I think you should join our team before I do a switch up haha I’m still supporting you though when you aren’t against Colombia, how does that sound? Haha I do need to come out to a game though. I miss the hype of everything. What you been up to?

I knew “Maluma, baby” would work exactly how I wanted it to. We're definitely bonded now, so there's no going back. No no! I'm not asking you to betray Colombia completely, maybe just make a little room in your heart for Barça? You can keep the national team! You absolutely need to come to a game. I think you'd love the atmosphere, especially if you haven't experienced it in a while. I've been keeping busy with some promo I've done in the States and then back in my city, trying not to think too much about what comes next. There's still a lot up in the air with the club, so I'm taking it day by day and enjoying the moment.

Oh my god, you saw Charlies Angels? I love that movie but no one ever talks to me about it. Those girls were hot. I had crushes on the too, so I don't blame you. We really were. I would have loved to done another one. I always heard talk of an Aladdin sequel, but no one ever came to me with one. I am yes, I put the album out, got to tour. Now I just get to look after my baby girl until I am back on the road in November. What is new with you? Still reeling in that win?

Of course I saw it! I'm still annoyed we never got a proper sequel because there was so much potential there. I can't believe nobody ever came to you with an Aladdin follow-up, I genuinely thought there was a sequel greenlit at some point but never happened. I'm glad you got to put the album out and actually take it on tour! You're a mom?! I bet that's even more demanding than any tour could ever be. Enjoy that time with your baby girl before you're back on the road! Oh, I'm still riding that high. I was named ambassador for my city in Spain, even, because of that win. I don't think i'll ever get completely used to saying that out loud. It's been a pretty surreal few weeks, but I'm enjoying every second of it while I can.

that's right. back in february, he did. I am surprised you even remember something that happened months ago; given your world cup victory—congratulations, by the way. but I wouldn't mind a Barça jersey with the Torres name and number seven attached. so have your people call my people or better yet, just call me!

I've got a surprisingly good memory when it comes to things that catch my attention, so I can't take all the credit for remembering that one. Thank you! The world cup still feels a little surreal! I don't know how many times I've already seen myself scoring the goal. No need for our people to call your people when I can just handle it myself. Send me where you'd like it to go and I'll make sure you get a number seven with Ferran on the back. Now that you've made it that easy for me, I'm going to expect a proper photo when you get it! Before I switch teams, ha.

There's secret dating rumors about us? That's pretty crazy. I wouldn't be surprised if they had a whole control tower with that! Just because I brought the match ball to the pitch for the Spain game, huh? We've committed the crime of being each other's presence.

Apparently they think we're one step away from holding hands in public because we follow each other and I've been in the States doing somo promo for Under Armour. You were in Cucurella's presence too and nobody's writing think pieces about the two of you, so clearly we're dealing with some very selective detective work here. I reckon it all started with the instagram follow, maybe me liking your photo. Apparently that's my flirting technique now... efficient, if nothing else. Can anyone blame me at all?