Did I frighten you?

Oh brother, where art thou? ||Nanya

“Oh.” It was more of a whisper than a word. Oh. He repeated to himself as he watched her. The air hung heavy with the weight of his understanding. Nando shut down at the diner. He had closed off any possibility of communication with the outside world and began to plan. Anya’s logic had been lost on him. He got it now though. Something in her tone had broken him down just enough to make him listen. He shifted on the couch painfully aware that some people hadn’t grown up like he had. Some people who didn’t like to talk about it lived in an orphanage until they were eighteen, some people knew from day one they hadn’t been wanted. Or couldn’t be kept. Or whatever bullshit they told themselves to make it easier to swallow. He took a sharp inhale letting out a pained sigh. “I could meet her…If its not a sham..I could meet her if you wanted.” 

She wrapped her arms tighter around herself and seemed to fidget under the weight of his gaze. To say that talking about this was not something she wanted to talk about was a little bit of an understatement. How interesting that the tables had turned on her. In her attempt to get him to discuss something he didn’t want to discuss, the conversation had turned painfully close to something she didn’t want to discuss. Anya let out a small frustrated sigh at his statement. “I don’t want you to do it for me.” She started before giving up and pouring herself a shot of vodka that she knocked back before setting the glass on the counter. “I just…I just want us to discuss this without screaming at each other to figure out what’s best for our family because you’re right, it doesn’t concern me, but it doesn’t corncern only you.”

Nando sat quiet for a minute. He wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure what to do. Don't do it for me she says, but then why else would he. Ferdinand didn't have questions. Without questions, he needed no answers. Anything he had wondered life had answered for him one lesson at a time. Those were all he needed. Ferdinand had a mother and a father, grandparents and cousins. Anya had no one but herself. And what of their children? Where were their grandparents, their cousins, aunts and uncles? The point Anya was trying to make was soaking in despite his best efforts to ignore it. He didn’t want to deprive his own children if he had the choice not to. It was a matter of pride at this point. “The kids don’t need a big extended family.” He said finally. “These are strangers. We have friends, they’ll have surrogate cousins and wanna be aunts. At least these people we know.” 

Oh brother, where art thou? ||Nanya

“Grandparent? How could she be a grandparent when she wasn’t even my parent, Red?” Nando thought he heard his voice crack in the middle there as if he was suffering from some sort of emotion. That wasn’t possible though because Ferdinand didn’t care. “I’m just supposed to believe all this? How can you even stomach all” Nando paused gesturing vaguely “all this crap!?” He shook his head, running a calloused hand through his greying locks. A few deep breathes passed between them. The room couldn’t have been more stifling if he had been drowning in the bottom of the ocean. “What do you want me to do Anya?”

“I just want you to consider it for a minute okay?” She replied crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the kitchen counter. “Look, I know you had a mom and that you don’t even know her, I get that. But I don’t understand why you don’t want this closure, why you don’t want to at least meet her.” Anya felt her jaw clench a little and a disturbing wateriness started to blur her vision. “I just…” She started before letting out a small huff of frustration, more at herself than him. “Not everyone gets the chance for answers Nando, not everyone is that lucky.”

“Oh.” It was more of a whisper than a word. Oh. He repeated to himself as he watched her. The air hung heavy with the weight of his understanding. Nando shut down at the diner. He had closed off any possibility of communication with the outside world and began to plan. Anya’s logic had been lost on him. He got it now though. Something in her tone had broken him down just enough to make him listen. He shifted on the couch painfully aware that some people hadn’t grown up like he had. Some people who didn’t like to talk about it lived in an orphanage until they were eighteen, some people knew from day one they hadn’t been wanted. Or couldn’t be kept. Or whatever bullshit they told themselves to make it easier to swallow. He took a sharp inhale letting out a pained sigh. “I could meet her...If its not a sham..I could meet her if you wanted.” 

Oh brother, where art thou? ||Nanya

“How in the fuck does this concern you at all? I’m not going to go.” Nando wasn’t going to have this conversation. He refused, but as soon as he’d opened his mouth it was like the flood gates had opened. For someone who didn’t want to talk he sure had a lot to say. She wanted to talk about it, fine. So be it.  “Even if it was true, which it’s not, why hell would I want to go meet some strange dying woman, Anya?” He leaned back in the chair, crossing his arms defensively. “I’m more concerned with how these people found me. I’ve been here for what, eight years. That’s five years too long. I mean shit, now we’re going to have to move. That is what I’m worried about Anya. Not some bullshit sob story.” 

“Why wouldn’t you want to go meet your mother Nando?!” So much for being calm and rational she thought as the automatic response came out as more of a yell than she had intended. She took a very controlled breath and unclenched her fists after she realized that she was very close to digging her nails into her palm hard enough to draw blood. After another deep breath and a glance at the ceiling she felt rational enough to speak again. “I know that that’s what you’re worried about and I had the foresight to demand an answer about that. They heard a rumor that you were in London and went to check it out, only to have it be a bust. The only reason they were in town is because they couldn’t afford anything closer to London. Okay, it’s not a problem. Now can we go back to the real issue? And this does concern me because it concerns you and our children. Don’t you think they’d like a chance to meet at least one grandparent before that chance slips away forever?”

“Grandparent? How could she be a grandparent when she wasn’t even my parent, Red?” Nando thought he heard his voice crack in the middle there as if he was suffering from some sort of emotion. That wasn’t possible though because Ferdinand didn’t care. “I’m just supposed to believe all this? How can you even stomach all” Nando paused gesturing vaguely “all this crap!?” He shook his head, running a calloused hand through his greying locks. A few deep breathes passed between them. The room couldn’t have been more stifling if he had been drowning in the bottom of the ocean. “What do you want me to do Anya?”

Oh brother, where art thou? ||Nanya

“That doesn’t seem like much of a choice at all.” Nando grumbled half to himself. There was no way out of this. He had known this from the start. Truth be told, he had known avoidance would’ve gone as well as a Bengal tiger in a kindergarten class room. He’d be the one holding the crayola and she’d be doing the chomping. Nando tried not to panic. There was nothing to panic about. Strangers knowing his name claiming to be his brothers was nothing valuable. Anya knowing wasn’t important. It was A-okay. He choked on his Adam’s apple as he attempted to speak. This wasn’t her damn business, the thought played over and over again in his head. He shook his head, trying to calm both his nerves and his anger. “What’s there to talk about, you know exactly what they said right?” The aggression in his voice turned a trio of toddlers to quickly face him and hurriedly, knowingly, to look back and away to what they were doing. 

She crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a look that said ‘what did you say to me’ probably far more articulately than she could at this point. “I’m sorry I wasn’t aware I gave you the option of an opinion on if this discussion was happening.” She snapped. “Because first of all, contrary to your belief this does concern me. And second of all I’m already contemplating your murder so I don’t really think this is the best way for you to go about your continued existence. So, let’s talk about this. Two men came in claiming to be your brothers and who look enough like you that I’m inclined to believe them. They say that your biological mother is dying and wants to reconnect. Obviously, you don’t want to do this and I want to know why.”

“How in the fuck does this concern you at all? I’m not going to go.” Nando wasn’t going to have this conversation. He refused, but as soon as he’d opened his mouth it was like the flood gates had opened. For someone who didn’t want to talk he sure had a lot to say. She wanted to talk about it, fine. So be it.  “Even if it was true, which it’s not, why hell would I want to go meet some strange dying woman, Anya?” He leaned back in the chair, crossing his arms defensively. “I’m more concerned with how these people found me. I’ve been here for what, eight years. That’s five years too long. I mean shit, now we’re going to have to move. That is what I’m worried about Anya. Not some bullshit sob story.” 

Oh brother, where art thou? ||Nanya

The door opened and Anya stood there looking at him expectantly. She had that look on her face, not the one that meant she was going to cut him up and eat him for breakfast. No she looked like she was waiting for him to do it to himself. Nando had spent thirty minutes preparing for that damn door to open. His toddlers tore apart the living room while he sat on the couch, foot tapping, mind racing. What the fuck was he going to tell Anya? The thought of being forthright did occur to him. Briefly. Fleetingly. But the thought still crossed his mind. That wouldn’t do shit though. It’d only make things messier. The more he thought the more he realized she didn’t need to know. Nothing would come of it. He’d never go and they wouldn’t rat on him. Or maybe they would. But that was a worry for another time when his wife wasn’t going to murder him for being a prick. Nando knew he ought to apologize for the whole shooing her back into the kitchen thing. An apology would require an explanation though and that he would not give. So she opened the door and looked at him expectantly, toddler on one hip and bag on the other. Ferdinand decided burying his head in the sand was probably the best option.”Welcome back to toddler-ville.” He said smiling as evenly as he could muster. 

“That doesn’t seem like much of a choice at all.” Nando grumbled half to himself. There was no way out of this. He had known this from the start. Truth be told, he had known avoidance would’ve gone as well as a Bengal tiger in a kindergarten class room. He’d be the one holding the crayola and she’d be doing the chomping. Nando tried not to panic. There was nothing to panic about. Strangers knowing his name claiming to be his brothers was nothing valuable. Anya knowing wasn’t important. It was A-okay. He choked on his Adam’s apple as he attempted to speak. This wasn’t her damn business, the thought played over and over again in his head. He shook his head, trying to calm both his nerves and his anger. “What’s there to talk about, you know exactly what they said right?” The aggression in his voice turned a trio of toddlers to quickly face him and hurriedly, knowingly, to look back and away to what they were doing. 

Oh brother, where art thou? ||Nanya

Anya had caught the men off guard. Her threat had almost seemed half hearted until the steak knife was placed on the table top. Domingo and Aldo exchanged a look, glanced back at the knife and then back at each other. The younger looked genuinely frightened, the elder on the other hand allowed himself a good humored smile. This was yet another cosmic joke being played on him. This is what they got for trying to to right.  Aldo shook his head and chuckled softly. “Mrs. St Clair, I presume? I know this seems..strange…but we didn’t come here to upset your family.” He folded his hands gently, his voice calm and even as if there wasn’t a weapon on the table. “My name is Aldo and this is my younger brother, Domingo. Our mother is very ill and sent us to find our eldest brother…” His smile was sadder this time. “We had a lead in London that turned out fruitless and have been staying in town a few nights before we return home.” Aldo paused thoughtfully, clearly considering his words. “God answered our prayers today, not in the way we expected but we’ve found our brother whether or not he wanted to be found.” 

The door opened and Anya stood there looking at him expectantly. She had that look on her face, not the one that meant she was going to cut him up and eat him for breakfast. No she looked like she was waiting for him to do it to himself. Nando had spent thirty minutes preparing for that damn door to open. His toddlers tore apart the living room while he sat on the couch, foot tapping, mind racing. What the fuck was he going to tell Anya? The thought of being forthright did occur to him. Briefly. Fleetingly. But the thought still crossed his mind. That wouldn’t do shit though. It’d only make things messier. The more he thought the more he realized she didn’t need to know. Nothing would come of it. He’d never go and they wouldn’t rat on him. Or maybe they would. But that was a worry for another time when his wife wasn’t going to murder him for being a prick. Nando knew he ought to apologize for the whole shooing her back into the kitchen thing. An apology would require an explanation though and that he would not give. So she opened the door and looked at him expectantly, toddler on one hip and bag on the other. Ferdinand decided burying his head in the sand was probably the best option.”Welcome back to toddler-ville.” He said smiling as evenly as he could muster. 

Oh brother, where art thou? ||Nanya

Anya had caught the men off guard. Her threat had almost seemed half hearted until the steak knife was placed on the table top. Domingo and Aldo exchanged a look, glanced back at the knife and then back at each other. The younger looked genuinely frightened, the elder on the other hand allowed himself a good humored smile. This was yet another cosmic joke being played on him. This is what they got for trying to to right.  Aldo shook his head and chuckled softly. “Mrs. St Clair, I presume? I know this seems..strange...but we didn’t come here to upset your family.” He folded his hands gently, his voice calm and even as if there wasn’t a weapon on the table. “My name is Aldo and this is my younger brother, Domingo. Our mother is very ill and sent us to find our eldest brother...” His smile was sadder this time. “We had a lead in London that turned out fruitless and have been staying in town a few nights before we return home.” Aldo paused thoughtfully, clearly considering his words. “God answered our prayers today, not in the way we expected but we’ve found our brother whether or not he wanted to be found.” 

So listen || Nanya

So listen || Nanya

What do you mean?