*shrug*

Hey kids, you need to start worrying a little less about getting “#mogged” and a little more about getting “#smogged”. This is an Air Quality Index public service announcement.

apple spider vinegar

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

Yahhh I have to build Rome. Yup it’s due tomorrow.. noo I haven’t started yet haha is that bad?

for a short period of time my daughter hated jerma and would complain whenever she walked into the room to find him on the tv, but now she is five and a half years old and she loves him, "because he says 'what the fuck'".

what mouse walks on two legs

mickey

okay, what duck walks on two legs?

donald

no, all of them.

this is the last time you make a fool of me in my own house god damnit