"Just trying to get by."

amelia had settled into her couch for the afternoon. it was just another day. nothing eventful had really been happening, and she wasn’t exactly expecting anyone at the moment. so when she heard a knock on her door she was a little confused, but also excited. she opened the door just to see the familiar figure that had helped her out the other day. 

“oh, yes. i’d love to actually!” she felt so relieved to have a reason to get out of the house. especially with a new friend. “i had wanted to go to that actually. i just didn’t want to be one to go alone.” she admitted with a half smile. her voice and expression was a little sheepish when it was also kind of admitting that she had no one that could go with her to see a movie. 

“but um,” she was moving past it. “i have a picnic blanket, some snacks, and some wine? how does that sound?” she smiled as she stepped over to a chest that held a blanket that seemed perfect for picnicking. 

“It seems we’re in the same situation,” Feng points out, deciding they both would seem a little less odd if they both were going to go friendless. He also feels the relief that she too would have gone alone. 

“Oh? That sound a lot better than what I was going to do,” Feng goads her. His plan had to been just to sit on the lawn, but a blanket and some wine... “I haven’t had wine in ages.” 

“I heard one of the movies was a horror,” He tells her, “I hope you’re okay with that sort of thing. I always found them quite laughable.” 

jaeki ignores the coward bit, the praise, his little joke. he doesn’t want to keep that conversation going, but he doesn’t miss the fact that feng has finally revealed himself. demon. funny things they are. tough, and strong with a certain confidence about the way they do things and who they all. all that’s a stereotype about that species seems to be lost on feng. not saying he didn’t have strength or that he wasn’t confident, but jaeki himself was a minor demon, and feng sure as hell didn’t fit into the stereotype of his race. not that it was a bad thing, because it wasn’t. he, at least, had an aloof nature about him.

“you’d like it.” he says, stretching his arms behind his head, “my employees decorated it, and put the whole place together. it was a dump before. they do most of they work; much more talented than me.” it’s easy to admit because it’s true. jaeki had been doing back alley tattoos and piercing for a while, but his skills didn’t even rival any of his workers.

jaeki snorts at the questions, watching feng change, “mm, i don’t really know what i would want from you, feng?” he licks his lips, eyes studying the other, “what can you do that i’ll find useful, hm?” jaeki didn’t mind having people owe him, giving him that sort of power over someone was a thrill. a thrill he loved. but he doesn’t know a lot about feng, he’s capabilities. in fact, feng seemed more like a risk to have around than anything. but this so called risk is drowning in his clothes, and he feels himself smile, the urge to call him cute staying inside. he doesn’t want to be degrading, or patronizing. “oh?” he lifts a brow, he doesn’t feel the same, night like tonight where he was weak made him only want to drink more, “well, you can sleep here if you want. there’s the couch, or you can take the bed, i really don’t care. but if you’re hungry, i don’t cook. all that’s in my fridge are microwave meals and beer.” he smirks.

amelia pulled her front door shut before moving back down the stairs with her newfound friend. “how many times have you managed to lock yourself out?” she asked with a grin curving her lips. “if it’s enough to know a few tricks, can i assume that it’s happened a considerable amount of times.” she was happy that today was nice. it made he feel comfortable and happy to be out of the house. “can i get a rough number on around how many times you’ve managed to do it to yourself?”

“don’t apologize.” he reassures and pushes himself off the rim of the tub, standing near the bathroom door. “spent enough time with me, and everything will become a fucking joke.” he scoffs, but a smile settles on his lips. feng saying little bitch is so funny to him it cheers him up completely. he crinkles his nose, his smile spreading into a grin, “well, thanks for that—i appreciate it but, uh, i’m more of a coward, and you can’t argue me there.” he shrugs his shoulders in a nonchalant manner, “i really do appreciate it, though. i don’t know how long you’ve been around, like alive wise, but in my 134 years of life i can honestly say that those words are some of the kindest i’ve heard.” he muses before smirk, and tiling his head, “if you’re trying to get into my pants, it’s working, babe.”

he glances at the tub and blinks. stain, like the blood staining? his mouth twists and he shakes his head, “don’t worry about it staining, or cleaning it, seriously, whatever.” he shrugs and twists the door knob, opening it, “i own this entire building, so fuck the place up, i don’t care. i’m the only one here.” he smirks, and tosses him a challenging glance, “although, if you ruin the shop downstairs my employees will be the ones to worry about, not me, they’re the ones that made my shop looks so nice. it was a wreck before, i never got any business.”

feng is asking for clothes, and jaeki motions him to follow, “so, you use my tub, try and make a move on me, and now you want me clothes?” he scoffs, pushing the door to his bedroom open. he pats the edge of his bed, signally feng to sit down, and he pulls a drawer open and searches through it. feng is small, and jaeki, well, he’s small for his age and gender, but feng is petite for a guy, so he’s a little excited to see a dude swimming in his clothing. he pulls out a shirt, and a pair of lounge pants, “should do the job.” he says, and holds them out to feng, before laying back on his bed, “what’s the plan, feng? are you going to go home? staying here? drink your problems away?”

“I could argue,” Feng responds almost instantly, surprised himself on how quick the quip is. “A coward would have probably left me in the situation I was in.” It’s happened before, and usually Feng is a natural at dealing with it, but he slipped up, scared himself. “Though I do have to feel a little sorry, kind of odd to hear some of the kindest you can remember coming from a demon like me.” He laughs, a lighthearted, perfectly timed ‘ha-ha.’

 He watches the other move toward the door, holding the towel close to himself to cover himself. Though, he’s not sure why since he had literally been laying there exposed for quite some time. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen the inside of your shop. I might make it a point to stop by and take a look. I’ll try not to plan to wreck anything.”

Jaeki’s hand twitches at the contact, and he pulls away slightly before his eyes on Feng’s, before his glaze flickers to his smile, then he lets their fingers twine, and he shifts, laying down across the rim of the tub on his stomach. His cheek squished against the cold porcelain, “how’s your Portuguese? I hear Brazil is nice, I have people down there.” he teases, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smirk. there was a lot of we’s, and alone’s. There was the caress of Feng’s thumb that made his heart race, and his thought process turn to mush. When was the last time he had this? Did this? It was painful to think back to. A fleeting comfort that he told himself he didn’t want, that he couldn’t have. Even if just the warmth of a body next to him is what he yearned for. There was a lot of sex, but no intimacy in his life. 

he listens to him, considers his words. jaeki has lived, he thinks, even with his young age. he’s felt red rage, and pain. he’s loved and lost and ever since that loss, he feels like he’s lived all he can. because a love like he had, that was pure, and he couldn’t do better, right? 

sometimes, he thinks, he’s in love with other people. that bartender at crimson with a small smirk, but eyes that match jaeki’s. match his suffering pain and loneliness, they’re both self-destructive and would ruin each other. the cop who constantly gets him for public indecency; someone who banters back to him, ducking his head to hide an amused smile, he see’s jaeki as more. they both do, and if jaeki is feeling naive and reckless, he’d say that’s love. love doesn’t have to be romantic, and grand. it can be a simple exchange of smiles, and it can happen overnight and quietly. but, love hurts, he’d killed all chances at love and goodness a while ago. so even if he wants that, he’s not deserving anymore. that’s why he would be okay with dying. he wasn’t anyone’s to lose right now, no one would truly miss him.

“better to have lost?” he scoffs and shuts his eyes, “no way. give me back my innocence. i’m too fucked because of loss.” he admits, out loud for the first time, as his eyes sliding back open. his grip on feng’s hand tightens, suddenly she’s there again. she’s in the tub and she’s exposed, fins, and scales and just beauty. it’s before the pain, before the loss. jaeki groans and pulls his hand from feng’s to rub at his face, “fuck, feng, i hate you.” he forces a laugh, it’s strained, “stop making me act like a bitch.” it’s his weak way of pushing feng away, because he’s already shown too much. it’s all been bottled up for so long it’s hard not to let it pour out when he gets started, and he’s feeling dangerously vulnerable. 

Bad advice, bad advice. Mentally he replays the last moments through his head as the other withdraws his hand. He knows he’s over-stepped too many boundaries to even bid an apology, to even begin to pretend they weren’t contemplating life and death in Jaeki’s bathroom where he wades in someone else’s mortality. He leans down, pulls the plug before setting it aside.

  “Morbid conversation, even considering…” He utters, mainly to himself and he hardly realizes he’s saying it aloud. “I’m told I’ve never been much for anything light-hearted, I’m sorry.” The other’s laugh isn’t convincing. He doesn’t join.

 Instead he leans over for a towel before standing and wrapping it around his being. He steps out, runs his fingers through his hair before sighing at the way it knots in protest of the different product. “For the record, although…” Feng begins, his words slow and deliberate. “I don’t think your feeling this way makes you a little bitch,” He quotes, the words sound foreign, too light on his tongue. “It takes a strong person to admit these things to themselves. Better to live with awful truths then light, ignorant, lies.” Like the one he, himself is living in. He glances back over his shoulder, his reflection glimmering in the water that flows away. “Shouldn’t stain, but if it does, I’ll be sure to clean it for you.”

 He threads his fingers back through his hair once again, trying to ruffle it out so it dries looking decent for the next day. His hand feels as though it’s stinging. It’s not from some bruise or scrape he had forgotten he received, but from the feeling of a fleeting touch. He can hardly remember the last time he’s even placed his hands near another, rather held someone’s hand through a heavy conversation, much longer since he’s felt an embrace, a tender touch… He shivers.

amelia watched in awe as the man easily popped her front door open with nothing but a regular credit card. it was facinating, but also quite alarming. why was it this easy to break into someone’s home? she may never know. 

the vampire smiled at the seemingly well-intentioned advice. “i may live alone, but who’s to say i can’t manage to take care of myself.” she taunted a bit with a grin as she stepped inside, grabbing the keys on the table by the door and pocketing them. “i definitely plan on investing in new locks though. you’ve opened my eyes to the easy road of home invasion.” she teased. “regardless, thank you for helping me.” she said sincerely with a small smile. “i’m amelia by the way,” she introduced herself. “would you be interested in coming in? or i was about to head to get some coffee actually, if you’d rather accompany me there.”

he thinks for a while, completely silent. his eyes trailing over feng’s body. he knows super that are inherently good. people who have done things and want to be better, people’s whose smiles are so perfect and innocent he thinks of them before his eyes slid shut at night. jaeki licks his lips, “yeah, i do.” he says, “i’ve lost good men and women to hunters and super alike. i’ve been betrayed by love, and al much as i want—as much..” he pauses, his voice wavering. he takes a second to sigh. to compose himself. he lets his eyes fall shut, “as much i was want to hate, and be hated, and rot away—i think that inherently, we’re all good.” he opens his eyes, staring at the tiles, his fingers dip down lower int he water, and the tips of his digits brush feng’s calf, “maybe that applies to hunters too. i don’t know.”

“canada or brazil.” he says instantly. no hesitation. it’s where most of his people were relocated to, it was where the only thread of commitment he knew was. he smiles some, and shakes his head, “asteria is not it.” he licks his lips, “no where close to it. at least not for me.” but leaving, after all this time, that would be hard. he had no doubt he could do it, but the question was, could he live with it? without reyna. zavier, yeong-rae. without taejoon. even the newer connections like feng. people he weakly let himself fall into after promising no more open hearts. this facade of a hard heart was pathetic, it makes his scoff bitterly, the corners of his eyes burning with tears. he shut them, to prevent any from falling. to prevent that weakness from showing itself in front of feng, “everyone is always so scared of death, but like, that’s the easy part. living is hard. when you die is when you’re free, y’know? it’s these connections, the people, the fucking loss of being alive that—that is hard.” his finger trail down, settling near feng’s ankle, the intimate touch calming his nerves. 

Feng hears him, truly hears him. The words come through, the tone shakes him to his core. And Feng for a moment, has no idea what he should say next. And then he registers it: those small beaded tears that brimmed at the edge of Jaeki’s eyes, along with which, he is brushing his fingers on Feng’s skin. At first, Feng thinks he is trying to distract him (and it almost works). But he realizes an alternative a moment later: he’s reaching out for something real to hang onto, looking for something to calm himself.