k i y a /

i realise i have spent most of my 20s being so incredibly inauthentic to myself out of shame/embarrassment. it’s no wonder all i attracted into my life were horrible empty mean spirited people. no wonder i never felt like i belonged or like i really had anyone. as soon as i started being true to who i am and sharing that publicly not only did my remaining friendships and relationships get stronger but it’s even caused a reconnect to a few people. and it’s like….. fuck……..why was i so ashamed of being who i am for so long

my first boyfriend ewan was the only one irl who knew about this side of me. the only one ever until now! that feels special. Almost a decade later I am finally sharing it with others…..whew

last week i posted a series of stories on my CF about how this time last year i was an alcoholic coke head lmfao and how much has changed and how i have changed and how i had finished an access to HE course with lots of distinctions and scored myself a place at goldsmiths, and the response was just UNREAL. it’s not even been 30 min and already my friends have followed my art account omg. it actually just feels surreal feeling supported and loved. like oh, u guys actually want to see the creative shi im doing…. fuck!!

shared my femmefee ig account on my personal acc CF story ….. i’ve kept this part of me hidden for so long. it feels scary but good to finally be able to start living 10000% authentically, having nothing hidden about myself, having my friends and loved ones support me and see such a vulnerable side of me. idk. i am anxious since the posts date back to like 2018 or some shit but yeah. i don’t know…….im finding the more i live authentically and the more i am vulnerable, the more connected with myself and those around me i feel. it’s scary but i am trying to heal my shame wound

watched dead poets society properly for the first time last night and i can’t stop thinking about it…..my god i think it’s made the top 5 for me

maybe i’m deeping this because i’ve smoked but it has made my heart and i so happy

i feel like people are very divided now, so to see an entire city that is also as diverse as nyc come together and celebrate something (basketball) that transcends language, culture, etc and always has is just……. idk. special

something about 2026……..its just got that feeling……….

bye i’m getting emotional as fuuuuuck seeing all of these videos of nyc celebrating when the knicks won it’s making my heart sooooo happy omg. like an entire city collectively coming together to celebrate together and share this joy together…..especially during the time we’re living in right now…::::…omfg i actually cannot. my heart !!! i’m literally going to cry. what the hell