Sinner

Compulsory heterosexuality, also known as coercive heteronormativity* is something that affects all lesbians, everywhere in the world. It also applies to women of other sexualities, and has been observed to occur in men as well (although argued to be to a lesser extent than women). However, it is mostly commonly attributed to lesbians.

*I believe since the creator of the former term was a political lesbian, people have created other terms, but they all refer to the same phenomenon.

What is compulsory heterosexuality?

Also known as “comp het”, compulsory heterosexuality refers to a kind of heteronormativity that affects people on an individual level. Since people are assumed straight until proven otherwise, and society, media, and family life are all incredibly heteronormative, we grow up thinking that we are supposed to be straight as well. For women, comp het also includes the pressure to involve men in every aspect of our lives, including (especially) romantic, as pushed on us by the patriarchy. An example of the effects of comp het is not knowing that liking the same sex was even a possibility, so assuming that you must be straight.

How do you recognize comp het as a lesbian?

This is something I personally have struggled with immensely, and these examples come from both my personal experience and from what other people have told me about their experiences. Of course, not everyone experiences all of these, and there may be other signs of comp het not listed here as well.

Being in relationships with men for validation, attention, popularity, etc, and not because you actually like the men you date

Analyzing every guy you meet to see if you should crush on him (if you choose to have a crush, it’s not real attraction)

Alternatively, randomly selecting a guy to crush on, just to have a crush and fit in with all the other girls

Why you crush on certain men is because of logical reasons and not because of any feelings attached (eg. This guy is responsible and performs well in school, so your parents would approve if you date him)

Thinking that you must be romantically attracted to any conventionally attractive guy you meet, even if you’ve never spoken to him

Thinking you must be attracted to any of your male friends, because girls “obviously” can’t have guy friends without having a crush on them

All your fantasies about men revolve around the future, in order to satisfy a desire of having a “perfect” nuclear family (a house in the suburbs, two kids, husband always at work so you can never see him and be intimate with him)

The thought of doing anything sexual with a man grosses you out

Any sexual fantasies about a man involve a faceless figure that doesn’t feel like a real person

Not being able to relate when your straight female friends talk about guys they like

Only wanting a boyfriend so he can provide you emotional support

Wanting a boyfriend so you won’t be lonely

Wanting a boyfriend to get approval from friends, family, society

Believing those reports that claim every woman finds other women attractive so you can rest safely in the knowledge that even though you find girls hot, you’re still “straight”

Having female friends in childhood or adolescence you were “very close to”, to the extent that you spent all your time thinking about them or followed them around school

Focusing on the woman in sex scenes

All your male crushes were fictional men or unattainable celebrities, so you could be safe in the fact that you’d never have to actually date them

Thinking that a guy being nice to you means you should date him

Thinking guys are cute from afar, but when you get closer to them, you find so many parts of them to be unattractive (eg. hands, hair, body odour, etc)

Liking guys until they reciprocate interest, after which you try to avoid them as much as possible

Knowing that you’re a lesbian from an early age, but try to force yourself to like men because liking girls must “just be a phase” or you’re “just confused”

Testing whether or not you’re attracted to men by trying to like randomly chosen guys to see if it could be possible

Knowing that you only like girls now, but convincing yourself you might like guys in the future, as long as you “meet the right guy”

Assuming you have to like men because that’s what girls are supposed to do

Believing the societal myth that women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex, and that’s why you dislike having sex with men

Misinterpretating anxiety as being romantic butterflies

Convincing yourself that you like men because being a lesbian seems too hard to deal with

Thinking attraction is supposed to feel nauseating and uncomfortable

Having “crushes” on certain men because you admire something they’re able to do (eg. “I must like this guy because I really like how well he plays the guitar”)

Not having feelings for men but being able to tolerate being with men

or is yoon bum’s lack of intelligence almost draining? he’s been around sangwoo for how long now? even claimed by some to know him quite well, arguably. enough to know when he’s really pissed when others seemingly can’t pick up on.

and i know he has BPD. and i’m really not trying to be funny, but can you guys with BPD relate? or is this some next level shit with yoon bum. because we know Koogi didn’t actually research she just wanted bum to be different.

i know bum’s been making these nonsensical decisions since the beginning, but i reiterate: he’s been around sangwoo for how long now? he’s tried to outsmart him to no avail for how long now? and it will be so damn obvious that sangwoo knows bum is lying. bum. who is supposedly supposed to know sangwoo so well. well enough to read his expressions. and he’ll still. do. the dumb. shit.

he didn’t want to leave the house. seungbae gave him the opportunity, the chance. and he declined, passionately so. then proceeds to defend the same man he just told to kick rocks in exchange for the very likely beat down he’s going to receive when sangwoo finds out he’s lying. because he always does. no one has better experience to this than yoon bum and i’m convinved someone who doesn’t know sangwoo from a can of paint would make better decisions than him. he hardly knows seungbae from a can of paint. doesn’t seem to particularly care about him. his well-being. enough to clearly risk his own because let me repeat: very likely beat down or some negative repercussion. 

you could argue “oh well bum just doesn’t want anyone to get hurt”. this man is a stalker. which is damaging in itself. but we’re not going to get into that here. he didn’t seem overly concerned for the CEO’s daughter. was just confused, then concerned for his own safety, then easily accepting to sangwoo’s love despite knowing he killed a girl. he didn’t seem overly concerned for the gay bar guy. he was more concerned about his own safety too and not being the one to kill him. he still hasn’t shown actual remorse over jieun dying. instead merely like ‘damn i’m screwed now’. which makes the situation with seungbae even more nonsensical. i don’t know if subconsciously he has a shred of hope seungbae could save him. and he’s so indecisive, that’s why he acted the way he did.

?

yoon bum isn’t stronger than sangwoo and he damn sure isn’t smarter. the only thing that’s spared him from being ten-feet under already is sangwoo’s affections for him which he desperately clings to as his safety net when he gets in dicey situations. some situations that could easily be avoided if he would think for one second. and if sangwoo’s affections are his safety net why would he keep sawing at the rope by lying and pissing sangwoo off, potentially diminishing his affections for him? it’s the only thing standing between yoon bum and a caution tape site. and he knows this (I THINK). and he still keeps acting like he doesn’t.