I fell in love with my best friend.
This is a very cliche moment of my life and I never thought I would really ruin this wonderful friendship I have with my dearest friend.
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula or kung nawala ba pero ayun. Nalito ako sa feelings ko. Umamin ako nung Wednesday. Hayst. Sana binawi ko nalang. Para hindi na nagkagulo. Sana inexpress ko nalang sa iba, hindi dun sa mismong tao. Kaso wala eh, umulit ng thursday. Pero hindi ko matandaan yun, kasi lasing ako lagi. So ayun nangyari na, nagkaayos kami Saturday ng madaling araw. Nag-agree kami na wala na yung dating treatment. Kaso kasi nung Saturday ng gabi, nalasing naman sya tapos may amats ako. Inexpress nya kung gaano siya ka-hurt sa nangyari samin, sakin. Na isa ako sa apat na importanteng babae sa buhay, tapos nawala pa. Bakit? kasi nahulog ako. Pero di ko alam kung pwede yung sinasabi kong hindi ko naman siya balak taluhin, I didn’t confess to take our friendship the next level. I just want to let things out because I feel very overwhelmed. It’s just that it’s a mistake on my part that I didn’t even consider how he would feel with this bomb. I should have thought things through before jumping. But yeah, we fought hard. We shouted and cursed at each other. And right there, I knew I lost him as my best friend and he lost me as well. I had hurt him in a way I didn’t think I would. And he had hurt me. I got deeply hurt by what I did to him and what he had done to me. In all honesty, I can’t see him. I want to but I don’t think I can. I have no face for what I did and the feeling of guilt and pain will surely creep in. And he will also be burdened by the thought that I will fall for his actions again and again, and I, too. I can’t be sure of myself again. I, myself, don’t know how things would be after everything has been healed by time. But, I pray time heals us eventually and in a way, we find ourselves back in each other’s side. I pray that I get to let go of things like this and start forgiving myself for all the stupidities and reckless actions I had done. and lastly, I pray that we all get better. I pray we move on from this and laugh at it when we are older. It really pains me that I have to learn this lesson the hard way. But I am more than sure that I will forever treasure and love my best friend. Even if he is done treasuring me the way he used to. I really pray he heals from me.
I’ll be leaving for Europe next year. Yun nalang muna ang dapat kong asikasuhin. And when time comes, I hope we can talk like we used to. I hope he never forgets that I am still me. That I am still the friend he can run to. That’s all. This is not goodbye.. It’s just see you soon.
