feels like autumn

by Nikki Giovanni

Don’t look now I’m fading away Into the gray of my mornings Or the blues of every night

Is it that my nails      keep breaking Or maybe the corn      on my second little piggy Things keep popping out      on my face           or      of my life

It seems no matter how I try I become more difficult      to hold I am not an easy woman      to want

They have asked      the psychiatrists     psychologists     politicians and      social workers What this decade will be      known for There is no doubt          it is      loneliness

If loneliness were a grape      the wine would be vintage If it were a wood      the furniture would be mahogany But since it is life          it is      Cotton Candy           on a rainy day The sweet soft essence      of possibility Never quite maturing

I have prided myself On being in that great tradition      albeit circus That the show must go on Though in my community the vernacular is      One Monkey Don’t Stop the Show

We all line up      at some midway point To thread our way through      the boredom and futility Looking for the blue ribbon and gold medal

Mostly these are seen as food labels

We are consumed by people who sing      the same old song          STAY:                                                      as sweet as you are                                                      in my corner Or perhaps                                    just a little bit longer But whatever you do                     don’t change baby baby don’t change Something needs to change

Everything     some say     will change I need a change      of pace     face     attitude and life Though I long for my loneliness I know I need something Or someone. Or…..

I strangle my words as easily as I do my tears I stifle my screams as frequently as I flash my smile      it means nothing I am cotton candy on a rainy day      the unrealized dream of an idea unborn

Mat Collishaw, The Centrifugal Soul, (2016) at Blain|Southern.