a secret makes a woman, woman

Whether we forget a lyric, miss a note, experience the loss of battery power and/or something goes haywire, it can be seen as something more than what meets the eye. However, when failure is beyond our control, where in the Bible does it ever say that it’s a sin or a reason to blame others and/or ourselves? How we respond to failure is revealed in our words, actions and thoughts.

What we do by our actions may result in regret; what we do by our faith may result in victory. In any case, here’s the bigger picture: God has called you to be victorious in Christ and not to be defeated by man, nor defeated by self-doubt.

When we play the “what-if game,” and anticipate thoughts of failure, it can most definitely cloud our vision. We fear the unknown, we fear the outcome and thus we fear taking the next step.

Here’s the truth: if you really believe God, and know He’s called you to something greater, then your feelings of fear are not only valid, they indicate that you are passionate about what you’re doing. Right? Otherwise, you wouldn’t care, and your calling would only be an idea and not a burning mission in your heart.

It is so tiresome to hear in the church or by friends: if you have thoughts of fear, or you are unhappy, or under confident in who you are – then there must be sin going on. Ok, where is that philosophy in the Bible anyway?

That’s the episode where Job’s friends came to him and tried to justify why he’s in a bad place. They tried to explain away his fear and circumstance. Some friends they were. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. And THAT’s the point, you are NOT alone.

So how do we regain our confidence in Christ? Let’s look at two scenarios from the Bible: Peter taking a walk and Peter taking a swim.

In Matthew 14:22, Jesus encouraged Peter to walk on the water. As you remember, he takes a few steps, hesitates, panics and falls through the waves. Jesus reaches down, rescues Peter and restores him. The concept of the story is not so much about Peter’s fall as it was in Jesus’ actions to demonstrate compassion and redemption.

Earthly life is too short; life in Christ is too big. Squabbling and nitpicking over other peoples’ faults and/or minor details is a non-eternal issue. The same is true in blaming ourselves; it’s simply not important.

In John 21 Peter and the disciples were fishing. Jesus calls to them to cast their nets on the other side. When Peter realized it was the Lord, he jumped in the water. Here we can see two perspectives.

On the one hand, Peter could have been embarrassed and/or displeased with himself in not catching fish in his own way. On the other hand, he could have been overcome with joy that the issue no longer mattered. I believe what Peter experienced was found on the other hand.

Peter exclaims: “It is The Lord!” He didn’t hide, he jumped in the water and swam to Jesus. Why? He knew the Lord was there to receive him, not to reject him. He probably remembered the previous lesson in falling through the water.

When you read the rest of the story, Jesus not only receives Peter gladly, but also esteems him. Yes, he held him accountable, but he did not hold him in contempt.

Biblical Points:

God has called you to do good things. Romans 8:28

God has blessed you with every spiritual blessing. Ephesians 1

God is committed in completing His work in you. Philippians 1:6

You are not finished yet. Ephesians 2:10

What is God’s will for you? It’s not found in your next job title, church, house, loved one, ministry, music gear or other thing.

His will is found in His word as it becomes life to your body.

Here are two perspectives we see in the Word that concerns God’s will for you: First, Romans 12:1-2, says to transform your mind and give your body to God as a living sacrifice. Second, 1 Thessalonians 4:3, says to be sexually pure. We remain in the Father’s will, connected to the Vine of Jesus John 15:5, and in step with the Holy Spirit. Galatians 6:8-9 We can take delight in trusting in His ways. The only true fear is being without the Lord as our bodies and souls would perish. Matthew 10:28

Winston Churchill said: “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

What we learn about Peter, besides his shortcomings, is seeing ourselves in his shoes. We are much the same. Yet, we need to seize the opportunity. What we learn about Jesus is gaining an understanding of his compassion, patience and encouragement that gives us joy, which is also our strength.

When we learn how to embrace our weaknesses and rely on Christ, we experience his beauty and transformation, causing us to walk in faith. As God finds us, we are accepted into His mercy and called to seize great opportunities. He alone is our source and the way to have victory over failure.

What does this mean for you and me? It’s time to get up and learn how to walk on water all over again. Wherever He has called you, He will lead you there. Even if you are miles away, you’re closer than what you realize. He’s with you – both on the water and in the boat.

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Been a long time my friends!

I hope this post blesses you enough to open up your eyes and to make you understand about who you truly are, as God's hand-made.

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Are You Good Enough?

Your measure compared to somebody else does not determine your worth! “and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:19

It’s almost as if we are looking for the acceptance or validation for being “good enough.” The real question: Why do we need to be good, and what is enough?

If you listen to the wrong voices, they will always mislead you. They will always set you up for comparison, and tell you not to grow. If you listen to the right voice, you will always be led in the way you’re supposed to go. Hearing from God is to quest of the worshiper. Which voice are you listening to?

“For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 2 Peter 1:8.

God does not want you to have the quality of somebody else, that’s why he gave it to you. Your only measurement is in Christ Jesus.

If and when we achieve a successful outcome, does it really bring the satisfaction we are searching? Does it qualify us any further for doing God’s work? Does God love us any more when we succeed? Does He love us any less when we fail?

Of course He doesn't. Most of the time we are in agreement with God and ourselves that he does love us and we are accepted. The true battle we face is what we perceive from others, and how we see ourselves.

We are afraid of what other people think about us. We safeguard our steps and every decision made is in the fear of what others might say or think. Will it change their view about us? Will it stop us from the steps God has called us to take?

As people, we can become too self-critical. When this happens, we compare ourselves to others, get down on ourselves, and/or put limits on our dreams all because we fear that we are not “making the mark.”

The real truth is you are already good enough in what you do, hence, why God has blessed you with this talent, why He’s given you a vision and where He’s placed you in service. Who is greater, the one who leads or the one who serves?

The “mark” I’ve found to measure my growth as an artist comes from 2 Timothy 1:6-7: “For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

The only fear to have is the fear of God. Not investing in what God has invested within you is something to fear. God has not blessed you with a gift to be compared by others, but to be shared with others.

We are told in 1 John 1 that there is no fear in love because of Christ has perfected His love through us. By His strength and by His shaping, smith-work and the sweat of our brows, He fashions us for good use by the power of the Holy Spirit. This ultimately should help relieve the pressure of measuring up to others.

As God lit the flame within, now you fan into flame your talent and gift with the help of the Spirit. Train under His guidance as you set your mind on things above: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. As developing people, may we live by the Spirit in keeping in step with the Spirit.

Galatians 5:16-17 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

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If you happen to know me from when I was born or when I was kid or teenage, then I guess you’ll know me “a bit”. Why “a bit”? Yes, because that is the “old me”. MY OLD SELF IMAGE.

 When I Was Under 18.

These were the times where all the memories, good and bad happened. I may not remember it all, indeed, but one thing I know that God really has wonderful plans in my life. Ini termasuk juga kesaksian saya. Kesaksian dimana semua orang, bahkan teman-teman, keluarga, dan orang-orang yang mengenal saya di masa lalu perlu mendengarnya juga.

Saya terlahir dari keluarga Kristen yang taat beribadah, bahkan saya rajin ke sekolah minggu, ibadah remaja, ibadah hari minggu, ikut kegiatan-kegiatan rohani dsb. Ketika menginjakkan kaki di SMA di Makassar, saya masuk di sekolah swasta Katolik dan saya tinggal selama 1 tahun di asrama sekolah tersebut. Di asrama juga sangat taat beribadah (berhubung asrama ini merupakan asrama yang disiplin dan dipimpin oleh para biarawati); doa malam, doa pagi, doa sebelum dan sesudah makan, doa sebelum belajar, dll. Bahkan doa-doa yang diaturkan di asrama tersebut selalu saya ikuti (hampir tidak pernah saya bolos di setiap jam-jam yang telah ditetapkan). Namun, satu saat tiba-tiba seorang teman saya mengajak beribadah di gerejanya. Jujur, sebenarnya sejak SMP ketika saya belum pindah ke Makassar, saya selalu tertarik untuk beribadah dan memuji Tuhan dalam keadaan bebas, dengan lagu yang dinyanyikan berulang-ulang tanpa ada ketetapan diulangi berapa kali, sambil menggoyangkan badan dan tanpa malu melompat memuji Tuhan. Saat itu pikiran saya seperti itu. Akhirnya saya ikut selama beberapa bulan dengan teman saya, namun saat masih SMA saya masih berpindah-pindah gereja. Saya belum paham bahwa seseorang harus memiliki gereja lokal tetap dimana dia bertumbuh, berakar, dan berbuah. Saat itu saya hanya berjalan dengan mengikut arus saja or people call it just “euphoria”. 3 tahun selama di SMA saya banyak mengalami pengalaman-pengalaman yang sekarang, saya sadar bahwa Tuhan mengijinkan semua terjadi untuk mengajarkan saya “a life’s lesson”, too many I think, but don’t worry I will share it to you.

 Before High School’s Life.

Dari lahir sampai kelas 3 SMP saya tinggal di sebuah kota kecil called Soroako. It is a very cozy and beautiful small city in South Sulawesi. You can google it. And there you will find Matano Lake which is a very amazing lake (better go there once; sekalian promosi wkwk). I grew up as a dilligent, calm, and shy girl. Dulu saya benar-benar polos, cannot say “No” sampai-sampai saya sempat menjadi bahan bullyan di TK bahkan SD, pemalu, sangat sensitif terhadap omongan negatif atau kritikan. Overall, gambar diri saya rusak, meskipun mungkin orang lain melihat saya adalah anak yang rajin, baik, tidak pernah membangkang, and all the compliment words they said, but that’s actually not the real me. But thank God I have the best parents in the world, they really love me like God loves me.

Growing up with such kind of attitudes. Puji Tuhannya saya lahir di keluarga Kristen yang takut akan Tuhan, jadi dari kecil orang tua saya sering memutar lagu-lagu rohani yang sampai SMA pun saya jadi lebih suka dengar lagu rohani dibanding lagu sekuler. Namun, mendengar lagu rohani saja dari kecil sampai besar tidak menjamin kedalaman keintiman seseorang dengan Tuhan. I just realized that when I know Him more. Bahkan, setiap hari dengar lagu rohani saja tidak cukup untuk kita mengenal Tuhan lebih dekat, butuh inisiatif untuk membangun hubungan, layaknya orang yang berpacaran; ada inisiatif untuk mengetahui hobi, kebiasaan, kesukaan pasangan dll. Sama halnya dengan Tuhan, tidak cukup hanya mendengar atau melihat “status/update-an” Dia, tapi kita perlu inisiatif untuk berkomunikasi one-on-one dengan Dia.

Ketika saya bertumbuh dengan gambar diri yang rusak (seperti yang saya jelaskan di atas), saya benar-benar pemalu, sampai-sampai saya tidak berani bertemu keluarga saya sendiri ketika mereka berkunjung ke rumah. Suatu hari nenek saya pernah mengatakan sesuatu yang melukai hati saya, yang sebenarnya bagi orang normal perkataan itu adalah perkataan yang memacu saya untuk berubah, tapi karena gambar diri saya sudah terlanjur rusak jadi perkataan sekecil apapun itu pasti perasaan saya sedikit-sedikit terluka dsb. Bringing those heartache while growing up, it’s really damaging. It damages my self image in Christ. Dengan perilaku seperti itu, saya juga sering marah dengan mama saya karena salah saya sendiri tapi ya namanya juga masih kekanak-kanakan jadi walaupun saya salah, semua amarah saya timpakan ke mama saya. Mama saya adalah orang yang sangat sabar, penyayang, melankolis, betanggung jawab, dan lemah lembut. I do love my mom <3. Ketika sedikit-sedikit saya merasa dicuekin, saya akan ngambek/marah kepada mama saya (I never throw my anger at my father as he is a choleric man; papa saya adalah orang yang tegas, jadi dulu saya takut kepada papa saya), so all my anger mama saya yang kena. Marahannya bisa dalam bentuk saya banting pintu, saya teriak-teriak, atau saya tidak mau bicara dengan mama saya (ini yg paling sering). As I look back, how sinful I was.

Actually there were so many things I hid from everyone before I really met Christ in 2013.

Sebelum saya pindah ke Manado dan memulai hidup seorang anak kuliahan, I prayed to God that He will send me to a church where I can serve Him. Dari dulu keinginan saya adalah melayani Tuhan, khususnya menjadi seorang singer. Melihat teman-teman saya atau bahkan orang-orang yang melayani di atas panggung bernyanyi untuk Tuhan, saya mulai berkerinduan untuk melayaniNya, walaupun saat SMA hal tersebut belum terwujud. Actually I really wanna study in Surabaya (Airlangga University) or Jakarta (kota-kota metropolitan), tak pernah muncul di benak saya untuk kuliah bahkan tinggal di Manado. Karena di pikiran saya saat itu, Manado adalah kota kecil, dimana kurang update dengan perkembangan yang ada (but I was wrong indeed; Manado juga tak kalah dengan Makassar kok guys walaupun memang Makassar jauh lebih luas).

 When I Was 18.

Pindah ke Manado merupakan jalan Tuhan. Yap, it really is. I never imagined how my life would be if God didn’t bring me here. I AM TRULLY GRATEFUL, LORD. Tahun 2013 tepatnya, ketika saya lulus SMA, saya sempat tes SBMPTN dan SNPMTN di Surabaya dan Makassar namun tidak lulus. Akhirnya Tuhan memperkenankan saya lulus di Universitas Sam Ratulangi jurusan kedokteran. Walaupun masuk di jurusan ini memang butuh perjuangan dan proses yang panjang. I can’t tell the detail but it is really just the Grace of God saya bisa lulus di kedokteran :’), berkat doa dari keluarga saya.

Beberapa minggu berlalu sejak dimulainya perkuliahan, tiba-tiba di bulan September, saat jam istirahat di kampus, ada seorang kakak tingkat dari kedokteran gigi datang memperkenalkan diri dan mengajak saya dan teman satu orang untuk datang di acara KKR mahasiswa baru; Kisah Kota Kusam. Perjumpaan yang singkat itu tak disangka mengubahkan hidup saya hingga saat ini (kakak tersebut pun menjadi salah satu pemimpin saya di CG; her name is Ce Nikhe). Setelah secarik undangan saya ambil, hari demi hari kakak tersebut selalu menghubungi saya, mem-follow up dan mengingatkan untuk datang. Berhubung saya suka dengan hal-hal yang berbau KKR, saya sangat antusias bersama dengan teman saya. Walaupun kami sempat memutuskan tidak jadi pergi karena suatu hal, tapi Tuhan ternyata punya banyak cara untuk mendatangkan anak-anakNya. Akhirnya saya dan seorang teman datang. Acaranya bertempat di Ex.Haha Café Megamall. Ketika ibadah dimulai saya sangat excited karena sudah lama saya tidak merasakan atmosfir ibadah seperti KKR. Dari KKR Kisah Kota Kusam, akhirnya saya diajak untuk bergabung di sebuah komunitas rohani anak muda, komsel atau kami menyebutnya CG (Connect Group) dan bergabung di gereja lokal yang ada; Gereja Mawar Sharon. Not talking about the church, but thank God He brought me here. Saya benar-benar sangat bersyukur karena Tuhan sangat baik. Ia tidak ingin membiarkan anak-anakNya diperbudak dan dibodohi oleh iblis. Awal-awal bertumbuh saya selalu diajak dan di sms untuk ikut CG dan ibadah AOG (Army of God) jam 2 siang (waktu itu masih di Hotel Arya Duta). Saya selalu ikut berhubung saya belum punya gereja lokal tetap, dan pada saat bertumbuh disinilah Tuhan mengajarkan saya betapa pentingnya memiliki gereja lokal hidup yang tetap dan komunitas rohani untuk kita bertumbuh. Ibadah-ibadah yang ada saya ikuti dan dari situ kehidupan rohani saya mulai diubahkan, dulunya saya tidak tahu arti saat teduh yang sesungguhnya, yang bukan hanya just doa biasa-biasa, tapi ada penyembahan kepada Tuhan di dalamnya dan merenungkan firman. Sungguh, sampai sekarang kehidupan roh saya terus diperbaharui. Bahkan saya yang dulunya bertobat setengah-setengah, tapi sekarang bertobat sepenuhnya. Dulu gambar diri saya sangat rusak, tapi Tuhan mengubah gelap menjadi terang, gambar diri yang rusak Ia gantikan dengan gambar diri yang pulih; a healthy self image. I am not a saint nor a perfect person, but by the Grace of God, He set me free from sin that I don’t even deserve it. I was lost but now I am found. I was blind but now I see.

 Now I just want to encourage you whoever is reading this, whether you believe in Jesus or not. First, Jesus loves you so much. Ia tidak ingin Anda diperbudak dan dibodohi oleh iblis. Masuk ke surga tidak ditentukan oleh perbuatan baikmu, tapi ditentukan oleh imanmu kepada Yesus. Saya bukan seorang pendeta (walaupun sering saya mendengar orang-orang banyak berpikir untuk memberitakan hal seperti ini they will say “sok suci”, “kamu jadi pendeta saja”, dll, terkadang kasihan juga lihat respon orang seperti ini. It actually reflects their spirit, I mean you need God, you need to be filled with His Spirit again, you need to know what’s inside God’s heart), namun saya hanyalah seorang mahasiswa yang kuliah di kedokteran, yang notabenenya menggunakan “logika”, berpikir ini itu, too many “Why why and whys?”, but really kuliah di kedokteran malah membuat saya berpikir betapa ajaib dan hebat Tuhan menciptakan bumi, how He created human. Manusia yang memiliki berjuta bahkan miliaran sel saraf yang sangat rumit (trust me if you study neurology about all the nerves through human body, get ready to be blown by them haha (joking)). My point is that, JESUS CAN REALLY CHANGE YOU. You think all this time you are just okay? Think again. Sebelum saya benar-benar komitmen untuk membangun hubungan pribadi dengan Tuhan, saya merasa saya baik-baik saja, saya Kristen, percaya Yesus, yang penting masuk surga, and.. that’s it. But I was really wrong. From the deepest of my heart, ada sesuatu yang kosong, dimana kebahagiaan dunia tak bisa menggantikannya. Bagian yang kosong dalam hati saya akan penuh bila hanya Yesus yang mengisinya, only if I INVITE HIM to come into and fill me again, then I’ll be ALIVE.

Well, it really is a longgggggg posting but it’s okay. As long as it is an important message, I am okay to write it down. I have so many to post actually but I’ll take time to post it again later.

Hello everybody! It’s been a long time since the last time I posted a you-can-call-it-the-story-of-my-life’s note. Well actually I have typed down what I want to share a few hours ago on my laptop. But unfortunatelly, my laptop was restaring without the document’s been saved :( and so.. All my written were all deleted. Actually at first I want to upgrade my Safari, but it didn’t work out yet, even after it was upgraded.

And right now, I am just too lazy to type those I want to share. Later, I’ll make sure to repost it again :)