Sometimes beauty is the result of pain

Hi! I'm @fearcreatesunderstanding. This is @depressionanddrama's poetry blog. Call me Fearful, Fear or Dex.

I write poetry to atempt to cope with my trauma, depression, and anxiety. I write about some pretty triggering topics, so read at your own risk. I'll try to tag the trigger warnings, but I might miss some.

I'll post every now and again, hopefully not too spread out.

Little girl tried so hard to be loved Heart breaking, longing to be hugged.

Cry alone because Daddy doesn’t love me.

I’ll never be what he wants me to be.

I didn’t matter, I’m not what he wants,

He wants an heir, so say his taunts. 

I know I’ll never be his perfect daughter,

But onward I go like a lamb to the slaughter.

Mamas still crying, her sobs ring loud. 

She thinks we don’t hear, she tries to be proud.

Would she love me if she knew?

I can’t stand to have her hate me too. 

Broke in and beat her near death.

Cursed us with every last breath.

He hates so much and loves so little. 

But my heart is empty, small and brittle. 

Harden your heart to keep out the beast

The one who showed you he loved you least.

Turn yourself to stone and ignore the pain.

You won’t hurt if you turn off your brain

He is gone, but he haunts the air. 

Bumps is the night that give you a scare. 

Is he back is he coming? You can’t know.

The Things that are Silent

Silent pain, silent suffering.

If I scream, can you hear me?

Silent torture, silent rage.

Why won’t you see my pain?

Silent anger, silent fear.

Can’t you see I’m dying slowly?

Silent shock, silent disgust.

Can you see my skin decaying?

Silent horror, silent sadness.

CAN YOU HEAR ME IF I SCREAM?

Silent relief, silent death.

Would I be Me Without You?

I’m strange, loud, and insecure.

I’m kind, comforting, the thing you adore.

How much of me is because of you?

When you were a kid were you like this too?

I could have been happy.

I could have been confident.

Because of you, I’ll never be normal.

You tore me down to put yourself up.

Staved my soul to fill your cup.

Despite all this, I am me.

But am I me because of you?

I seek attention for the things I lack.

I hide my pain with the color black.

I lay in bed pondering the question:

This is life

Brain melting

Heart pounding

Hands shaking

Smile hiding

Fingers picking

Eyes begging

Lungs gasping

Why can't you see me suffering?

Dying beneath the surface.

Can you feel me?