Fea the Wanderer

Oh please swallow it whole Devour my soul Pray, take its all Answer my call

Please end my pain I hoped in vain That I could heal But still I feel

The emptiness in me Where she used to be Have mercy Angel of Death Come claim my final breath

It's been a while, I know. To be honest, I am not sure, if I should actually keep this blog or leave Tumblr behind as I am just not feeling so much like blogging anymore, My muse for poetry has left me it seems and the stories I write don't really fit here. I have to think about it

I can see it in your eyes Your heart is aching You tell the lies But soon it's breaking

You are in pain But keep on going How you're still sane I am not knowing

I wish you'd take my hand Open yourself to me So you don't need to stand Alone against the sea

Made of sadness and your fears You're scared of drowning every day Please just let me dry those tears And help you find your way Through its waves so dark and cold To shores just warm and bright Come my friend, please take a hold I promise there's still light

I feel the hot breath on my skin It's time to pay now for the sin But I am scared of dying Yet helpless here I'm lying

And over me the devil's hound Holding me pressed to the ground Its claws cut in my flesh so deep Silently in pain I weep But mercy this beast doesn't know Will not really let me go It's bound to swallow me just whole And then its master claims my soul

Dance for me, your lovely way Laugh and sing, don't cry When it is my final day This pain, too, goes by

Forget, oh don't remember me There is no reason to Not very hard to do, you'll see Like I had not been true

Don't think of all that we have done You'll find a friend much better Who walks with you just in the sun And that alone does matter

Why do you call me weak Because I do not hide Choose honestly to speak Say I have no pride?

It's no shame at all At least, not to mea For aid someone to call Are you too proud to see

That weakness is not this As neither is to fight Alone, you know, there is No way more wrong or right

So, I again had an idea that fits no where into my current projects, I'll just drop it here

And there I thought you were so much better than me, but now I know you were worse a man than myself, in every aspect and even though you are gone, I've come to despise you with all of my being – so much that only thinking of you makes my body shake with fury.

All of your lies that have made me believe I was worthless and never good enough for anything or anyone, the words that broke my heart and tore my soul apart until there were only little shards of them both left in me. The others, I know, would say that I should forgive you, because one shouldn't hold a grudge against the dead but I can't – and I do not want to since what you did to me has marked me for a lifetime.

You were nothing but a wicked liar, drawing your happiness from hurting me, over and over again but I tell you something, you may have broken me but you failed to destroy me and so I've become stronger than you've ever been – I guess, I should thank you for that but that would be far more than what you deserve.

© Fea Crow, 2024

Don't turn your back on me I know that you've been crying As by now my eyes can see Through your well-meant lying

I know that you are aching That you are far from well Can hear your heart is breaking It's not so hard to tell

Because I know you better Than all of them, you see My friend, you really matter So very much to me

Please let me ease your pain You know I'll find a way To turn your pouring rain Into a sunny day

I'm smiling, don't you see Do not worry about me I am laughing, don't you hear I'm all well, my dear

I promise, I'm not lying I've really not been crying I swear, I'm feeling fine Trust me, friend of mine

Really, all is good Things go, like they should Friend, you have my word I really do not hurt

So yet again I had an idea that fits nowhere into my current projects, I'll just leave it here.

He looked at her picture, smiling slightly.

So many years had passed and he could still remember the day it had been taken just as if it was yesterday only.

How happy she had been when they finally went on vacation together - for the first time since they were a couple.

Was she smiling, too when looking at this bit of memory? He surely couldn't know but he hoped so. Hoped that she thought back to their time as happily as he did - even if they hadn't lasted as husband and wife.

She was still someone special to him and he hoped, dared to hope really that maybe he was still someone special to her, as well.

© Fea Crow, 2024

Dance with me through the rain Walk with me through blazing heat I know we'll feel no pain When our souls once meet

Say how far would you go To be with me my dear I really have to know Your deepest, wildest fear

I can trust you then only If you don't lie to me Must know if ever lonely My life is bound to be

Sometimes I still think of you Well, always, I should say I wish it wasn't really true I miss you every day

Even though you let me down Kicked my trust with your feet Made me feel just like a clown Your lies were all so sweet

And yet I cannot let you go My dumb heart is to blame Doesn't at all care, I know It really is a shame

»No, I cannot tell you why, because I just don't know,« he said slowly, frowning slightly, »why is it always me how has to come up with an answer for everything, anyway?«

She smiled, looking at him as sweetly as she could.

»Because you are the older and also the wiser of the two of us, brother, that is why. I am just a little girl who hasn't seen much of this world yet to learn how it goes.«

He made a face, she always talked to him that way when she was too lazy too do things on her own. He loved his little sister but knew well he wouldn't do her any good if he was always helping her out with things she should be well able to do alone.

»You won't ever get better at anything, if you always ask me for help you know? Could just as well try to figure out a solution yourself, instead of coming to me straight away.«

She looked at him, then shook her head.

»I cannot do that brother, it takes too much time, I could spend with other things instead. Asking you is much faster and a compliment to you. If I wouldn't think you are clever, I'd not ask you, would I? After all, I want good grades and not just Fs.«

He laughed a bit. She tried to wrap him around her finger again – and it would work eventually.

»Good grades on homework mean nothing though if you have to write exams when I cannot be there to help, you know that.«

»Oh please, please brother just this once more, I want to go out and play with the new girl we have in class. She has no friends yet and I want to make her feel less like an outsider,« she said in her sweetest voice, looking at him like a little puppy.

»Alright, but this really is the last time, OK!?« he sat down at her desk and began to fill in the numbers missing in the mathematical term printed on the pages of her exercise book.

»Thank you brother, thank you so much, I promise it will be the last time I ask«

She smiled happily and kissed his cheek, then ran out of the room.

He'd have to explain that to their parents again and he didn't actually know why he always helped her, really.

He knew well that it wasn't really a way for her to learn anything and that he shouldn't do it. He sighed, maybe he always gave in because he had wished for some help when he was younger too, and hated it that his parents always said no. Also, it kind of was his duty as big brother to make sure that his sister was doing well – and playing outside with friends was surely better for her health than sitting all afternoon, working on her homework.

© Fea Crow, 2024

Forever, I waited here Alone in the dark Just feeling fear Looking for a spark

Of light to give me hope But I didn't see A thing that like a rope Could have been saving me

From drowning in the flood Of all the tears I've cried A thought freezes my blood That hope has truly died

Once again, there was an idea in my head that could become a story but I just cant think of something more to add to it. Maybe one of you find this bit inspiring though.

Why, will they wonder that at least? Will they care as much or will they just move on as if nothing had ever happened?

If there was just one person to actually care, I would maybe change my mind. For one person who really cares and takes notice of me is all I need. Just one of all the many that surround me each day, a single human being of all those who I am more to than just made of air.

Does such a person even exist? I mean, there has to be someone, right? There aren't people that no one cares about, at least, well I hope. But maybe, I just care too much, about people who don't do the same for me. Maybe, yes, I need to learn how to not care. then I can stay.

But what for actually, if maybe there will never be anyone who cares. Oh if only I could be certain.

© Fea Crow, 2024

Walk with me a little while Maybe it can make you smile It's sad to see you blue A little walk might do

Could help to get things off your mind So peace in it once more you'll find Come on, and go with me It helps a lot, you'll see

For everything I'm sorry I hope that you are well Mother, please don't worry Your heart the truth can tell

Which is that I am fine I just, well, had to go Was it too much wine? I really do not know

What made me leave that night I miss you all a lot But home is out of sight Return soon I can not