fair maiden

“Babes, I’ve literally only been doing this for seven minutes.”

“Really? That’s even more impressive, then.”

This is not how this night was supposed to go.

Marian’s not so sure it would have gone much better had she received that phone call. Within the first ten minutes, she was looking for a way out, her heart screaming about how wrong this all is. The man she’s with is great, Marian’s just not nearly as ready as get back into dating as she thought.

It feels weird just thinking about how she’s supposed to be on a date - her first since breaking up with Robin. Technically, she still is on one; It’s just taken a very unsuspected turn. Instead of getting to know each other over drinks and dinner, she and her date (who kindly came with her when she told him at an old friend had gotten hurt) are making slightly awkward conversation in a hospital waiting room, while she - well waits. Waits for more information, waits for a chance to see him. How fitting, that the first time Marian gets to see Robin in over a month is the same night she decided to finally try to move past him. As if she’s ever been capable of that. 

When they finally tell Marian she can see him, relief fills her. A doctor and her date escort her Rob’s room. She wipes under her eyes, trying to hide any signs of earlier crying. This entire situation has been devastating to say the very least. Marian opens the door, thanking them both before fully entering. Her breath stills for the briefest of moments when her eyes fall on him for the first time in ages. 

She’s thought about this countless times, thought about what seeing him again would be like. Never did she imagine the circumstance that lead to seeing each other would involve a hospital. Marian’s heart hurts seeing him like this. There’s so much she wants to do, so many forms of comfort she wishes she could offer him. But she manages to fight those urges. Instead she sits in the chair next to his bed, pulling it closer. 

“Hey,” she whispers, somehow managing to hold back both the affectionate words (darling, love) that sit heavy at the tip of her tongue and the tears that well up at the bottom of her eyes. Her hands reach for one of his; Maybe she shouldn’t, given their situation. But it seems appropriate in the moment. 

“Yeah…no, I regret stepping outside already. It’s gotten colder coming back here than when I left for holiday.” Philip shakes his head, bundling himself with his heavy coat that’s doing little help keeping him warm.

“Hopefully it warms up sooner rather than later. Spring is just around the corner, after all.” A month counts as that, right? Marian certainly thinks so. “A holiday sounds wonderful.” She says, pulls her own coat closer to her body. “How was yours? Where did you go?”  

@fcndhearted​

“There’s no going back now you’re already all ready to go out. You look great. You’ll be fine. We’ll have fun. Trust me, Mar. This will be good.” Lucille was checking her reflection on her phone’s front facing camera as they waited for their Uber. “Heartbreak happens and it sucks so bad.” She slipped her phone back into her purse and wrapped an arm around her friend. “Luckily you have your best friend to help you along the way. No tears tonight, okay?”

“I don’t know, Lucille.” As much as Marian trusts her best friend, a large part of her would much rather be at home with their cat. She looks back towards the door, tempted to bolt back inside. Ultimately, it’s her friend’s arm wrapping around her that keeps her there. Her lips pull into a frown at the mention of heartbreak - given that this all feels like so much more than any normal heartbreak, she’s trying not to think about it as much “Thank you, for being here.” She’d ever expect anything less from the other; Lucille’s always been there for her. “No crying. I promise.” 

“Thank you, thank you. I’m sure you could do it too though. It’s way easier than it looks.”

“You’re quite welcome. I’m not so sure I could. It looks something that took heaps of practice” 

“Darling-” The word slipped his lips before he had a chance to stop it and automatically it was followed by a small sigh passing his lips. “I’m sorry but I-” He cut himself off a light frown forming at the edge of his features as he was about to deny that they were from him again. But then he remembered. He’s ordered them before everything had fallen apart, when they were together and happy and- he’d really made a mistake now. “Marian I’m sorry.” He spoke, swallowing the lump that was forming in the base of his throat. “I did order you flowers when we were-” together. Before everything had fallen apart at their fingers tip. Before everything felt so out of place and out of touch as it did now. Before she felt so far away from him.

“After we-” Broke up. He couldn’t bring himself to even say it because the idea in itself still pained him. They never said goodbye, how could it really be a break up if they didn’t say that? But it was. He’d made the decision which he knew in the long term would be better for her, but right now it didn’t sooth his aching heart. “I forgot to cancel them.” He admitted wearily, a sadness edged at the edge of his features which could easily be heard in his voice. No amount of hiding could deny that. In true, Robin had been almost hap hazard since they broke up. Almost as if it were just sleeping walking through a bad dream they’d soon wake up from and rejoice again in each others arms. 

“I’m sorry-” He was sorry for more than just the flowers though. He was sorry he’d forgotten and it had caused her more pain, that it brought up more memories and things maybe she’d now rather forget. He was sorry he’d broken her heart, hurting her was never someone the wanted to do. Wasn’t that the worst part of the whole thing? There was another sigh off his lips as a hand raised to run over his face as he shifted where he sat. “You don’t have to keep them.”

Darling. Her heart flutters again, even as it’s breaking again. Darling. She finds herself wondering if it’s affection or instinct that brought the word out of then. She finds torn between hoping he would say it again - hoping he call her darling until all the pain the last few weeks have brought vanishes from both their memories - and hoping he would stop. At one point, that used to be her favorite word. Marian used to smile when he called her that; Even now, a ghost of one pulls at her lips, remembering a time when they were together and happy. Maybe one day she’d feel full of joy upon hearing it. Darling. Right now though, all she can associate it with is all the ways she’s been hurt by him. 

Of course, as much as she’s hurting, as much as she wants to cry, Marian can only imagine how painful this his for Robin. She knows him, knows that he would never hurt her like this on purpose. She can hear the sadness in his voice. God, that hurts worse than anything else about this exchange. She wishes there was a way she could soothe it. But there’s nothing she can say, nothing she could possibly do, to make any of this situation better. And even if there was, she can’t find any words to say. So she doesn’t, keeps silent for a moment. 

“Oh.” It’s all she can say for a moment as the reality of the situation sinks in. “You have nothing to apologize for, Robin.” At least in not this situation. Even if she wanted to, Marian can’t fault him for any of this. This was a sweet gesture, even if it wasn’t intended after everything. “It’s fine, really.” She should have figured that was the situation. Instead, she let her emotions get the better of her. “Right of course. I’ll um. I’ll keep that in mind.” How could she not keep them though? They’re beautiful, and Marian’s kept every gift Robin’s ever given her. “I’m sorry I bothered you.” 

“I’m no expert on royalty, but I’m pretty sure this qualifies me to be some sort of princess.”

“Well if there is some sort of test to become a princess, you’d definitely pass,” Marian replies with a lighthearted laugh. “It’s certainly impressive, either way.” 

And there was her voice and laughter, just like he’d heard so many times before. But considering they hadn’t spoken in what? 2 weeks? Her voice sounded all the sweeter. Just her uttering his name had an ache filling his chest that had his eyes flickering closed as if some how it could pause time. Just for more than a second so he could revel in her voice speaking his name, something so simple but god he’d missed it. 

“Marian..” He breathed his head resting back against the tree bark his heart feeling like it was sinking to the bottom of his stomach. He didn’t think it could go any lower. Robin was already trying to put his life back together without one of the main pieces it involved - her -, he thought that it was enough. He’d broken her heart once, a cruel twist of fate that had left him feeling hollow and defeated. Maybe the first time they had parted ways had been difficult, heart breaking yes. They’d been each others first loves once and that was powerful thing. But it hadn’t stung as much as this. Maybe because he knew what living with her was like, that now having to try and live without felt impossible. Up until she came back into his life he realized he’d just been surviving, passing the days by with his smile like he always did. With Marian- he felt full, alive. The separation had been agony, but what hurt more was knowing he was the one causing her pain this time around. 

Darling. 

What was worse was knowing he’d have to do it again now. Her words broke him in two. She sounds so content, happy and here he was on the other end of the phone with features downcast knowing he’d have to take that from her again. “Marian-“ Darling. “I-“ Robin uttered over the phone before a sigh fell from his lips. It was hard enough to not let the similar term of endearment fall from his lips, so much that his tongue felt like it didn’t belong as if it had betrayed his heart. Because hadn’t it? If the situation was different, he’d been holding onto her tightly and never letting go. Instead he was cursing himself as he spoke, his voice sounded down hearted despite how steady he tried to make it: “I’m sorry- I didn’t send you any flowers.” 

Someone else was sending her flowers. Even the thought of her being with someone else ached. Wasn’t this what he’d wanted? For her to be happy with someone? To have a safer happier life? Even if it wasn’t with him. It didn’t mean the idea hurt any less. “You have a secret admirer? That’s-” He spoke, trying, he was really trying. “That’s- nice..I’m glad you like them.”

Any of the pain from the past few weeks - the aching that being separated has caused her - that still lingers after first hearing his voice vanishes as Robin says her name again. Her hopeful hurt flutters in her chest, her soft smile grows, at the sound of it. This entire day, which had started off with her feeling so lonely, has left her feeling optimistic in regards to their relationship. 

But in just a few short seconds, confusion riddles her features as he tells her he didn’t send the flowers. Just like that, the feeling of bliss she had been reveling in a moment ago vanishes. Just a moment ago, she felt as if she could fly. But now, her heart is sinking deep into her chest, thinking that this was just a mistake on her part. “I don’t understand.” Even if the attached card wasn’t there, Marian has no reason to believe anyone else would send her flowers. They have to be from him. 

Her fingers run over the writing on the note that was attached to the flowers, over where his name was written. “The card says they’re from you, my - “ she pauses, cutting herself off before more (unwanted, from what it seems) affection falls from her lips. My love. My darling. She wants so badly to call him those things, but she can’t. As desperately as she wishes he were, Robin isn’t her anything. He’s not hers - a fact her stubborn heart refuses to accept. But how could it when she’s never loved anyone the way she loves him. “The card says they’re from you,” she repeats, her voice hardly above a whisper trying to disguise how shaky it is. 

soft asks - accepting 

coat - what do you keep in your pockets? 

“I don’t usually keep much in my pockets. It’s typically just my phone. Most of the things I carry with me are in whatever bag I’m carrying.”

guilty conscious: write an unsent apology to someone.

wine glass: have you ever had alcohol?

beaches: what is your ideal sunny day like?

social media: what is your most used app?

nail polish: what makeup do you use the most?

cuddles: do you have any stuffed animals? if so, how many?

rose: are you in a relationship?

bottle: what’s your favorite drink?

icy: what’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

earphones: what song have you been listening to on loop recently?

loving: are you an affectionate partner?

coat: what do you keep in your pockets?

love letters: have you ever written a love note or poem for your crush / lover?

sadness: have you ever experienced heartbreak? what was it like?

earrings: what jewelry do you use the most?

kisses: do you have a crush?

venus: talk about someone you love romantically and platonically

blankets: are you naturally cold or naturally warm?