underco

He can’t help but frown when the man pulls away, even though he knows he has no right, but his face only falls further at the question. Because if he’d been honest to begin with, it wouldn’t be a question. In fact, they wouldn’t be here. “If that were the case none of this would be a problem.” Dry tongue comes out to slide along his own, sore, even drier bottom lip before he sighs softly. “I love you so much that I told kelsey before I could even tell you…because she asked and even knowing I could lose her I couldn’t….lie. I didn’t want too, I never did or at least….never meant to but I did… What I’m saying is I love you theo, but I love her too and that’s not gonna change either. Maybe I don’t deserve either of you for not knowing how. I don’t want to hurt either of you, even though I know I already have.” Wriggling his nose, he sniffs at the tears cascading down it as he pauses for a moment before looking theo in the eye. Keys hands come up, gently taking theo’s face in his hands before resting his forehead against the mans again. “But I love you, theodore. I have loved you for a long fucking time and it was awful of me not to let you know because you’re someone so worthy of being loved.” Swallowing hard, he pulls back just enough to hold the other man’s gaze, thumb grazing through the hair at theo’s temples. “But now it’s even more complicated than before and if….if you wanted to go too, I’d get it. I fucked up. Bad.” Keys nods softly at himself as if to reaffirm the recognition and punishment in his head for letting things get this bad. 

Usually. Theo would be quick to make a light hearted comment. It was his attempts at deflecting from the gravity of the situation, but this wasn’t like all the other times. Key’s had just admitted to loving him, he loved him. It had been something he had imagined, over and over again, until now, He loved him, He actually loved him, and in that very moment, Theo was lost for words, until the mention of Kelsey. “You told her before you could even tell me?” He scoffed, because she asked? what kind of fucking excuse was that? He had known her how long? a couple months? vs the years they had spent growing into whatever this was between them, what made is so much easier for him to be honest with her? And then he said ti again, I love you. “So worthy, It took you how long before you told her you loved her? how long had you know her before I was pushed aside. When you’re with her, I don’t exist, I — fuck, Why now?” As Key’s hands come up, hands on either side of of his face, Theo’s own hands almost came up, hands wrapped gently around his rest, as the other leaned forward, forehead pressed against his own. Seeing Key’s right now, the tear stained cheeks, “If i wanted to go to?”He questioned, until It dawned on him, Kelsey had left him, Key’s and his girlfriend had broken up for whatever reasons, and no where he was, confession in hand, “She broke up with you? that’s — that’s why we’re here right now? because she dumped you, and you’re afraid of being alone.” Theo laughed softly, though there wasn’t really any humour in his words, It was more sad than anything else

👾

Already he’s telling himself he deserves every bit of guilt he feels over being even the tiniest bit relieved in the man’s arms. Things between them had become complicated, but it didn’t change the way his heart leapt with small slivers of hope for the future if they ever managed to get it together. It was something the musician had always planned on but always found excuses as to why it was never the right time. Now he’s here when it feels like he’s ruined things between both of the people he loves. All he can do is shrug and sniffle, maybe give a half hearted nod. “I should have told you a long time ago but I didn’t because I’m a selfish asshole and now I love you both and I dont know what to do and it doesn’t matter anyway because I don’t deserve either of you and I don’t even know what you’d want me for anymore anyway.” His long winded ramble comes out just as jumbled as his thoughts, although still sounding exhausted as any human being could possibly be. 

As Theo held onto Keys, All he could think about was the growing distance between them. It was complicated. It had always been complicated, long before Kelsey entered the picture, long before Theo blindly watched Key’s fall in love with someone else. He didn’t know, when or how it happened, but along the way, the lines between between client, and cliental blurred, or when he knew for sure that he had feelings for him,  he had never expected Keys to feel the same way,  And of course, It had always been easier for him to ignore the problem, then for him to face it head on. And that’s what he did. He ignored it. but it was all so hard to ignore when Key’s was in front of him tear stained cheeks admitting that not only did he love someone else, but that he also loved him. Key’s didn’t say anything wrong, In fact It was quite the opposite, that was until Key’s mentioned It not mattering anymore. 

“It doesn’t matter?” Theo questioned pulling back fro Keys. what didn’t matter anymore? him?  was this the end? or was Key’s finally choosing between the two of them. “You don’t love me anymore is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

👾

It feels pathetic, leaning so much into such a simple touch from the other man. It was the first he’d felt anything remotely close to human since that night. Before he knows it, he’s leaned so far forward his forehead presses against Theo’s before his arms come up to wrap around the other man’s broad shoulders. Keys fingers ball in the fabric of theo’s shirt as he pulls himself closer. It’s hearing his name again in that voice that really sets him off. Theo was the only person bold enough to call him by his actual name. When the older man first started using his name that way, keys hated it. He’d bristle at the sound of it and challenge the taller man with a glare only to be met with theo’s equally brilliant, defiant yet playful gaze. And then over time the way his name coming from the man changed. Grew softer, far more endearing. Keys often wondered if theo even realized how much was said in just his tone when he did it. Aiden. Concern. Worry. Love. Because for as stupid as he felt for getting himself into this situation, he still wasn’t stupid enough not to know they loved each other. It was what he had tried to tell theo the night of his album release, was dead set on doing, in fact. Until theo told him he “liked” him and keys, like a coward retreated into the back of his mind again where doubt and fear lived. That he couldn’t be the first to say it in case there was the chance that he was dead wrong. It was selfish through and through and even more selfish to keep theo at such arms length out of purely not knowing what to do in the situation. He loved the man. It was much different than what he had with kelsey because kelsey was a completely different person. A completely different experience. She was no holds barred when it came to her feelings and that made it so easy for keys to fall into, because she made it easy. The fear of rejection and losing theo completely, on the other hand, was far too heavy a consequence to face, but now keys felt like he had nothing left to lose by being honest, if that’s what it came to. If he could gather himself and stop crying into the older mans hair as he pulls him closer, ignoring how sore he is just from doing that to instead hold him even tighter. “I’m sorry…I’m so fucking sorry.” His voice is soft, barely above a whisper and shuddered through thick emotion. “I didn’t mean for any of this and now it’s probably too late…I loved you wrong and now it’s probably too late….” He swallows thickly. 

It was ridiculous how easily a simple touch from the other man settled him. As soon as Key's leaned forward, his forehead pressed against his own, and his arms moved to wrap around his shoulder his instant reaction was to pull him closer. He wasn’t to speak, but each time he opened his mouth, nothing but silence fell from his lips, It wasn’t until Key’s hands balled at the fabric of his shirt, that he concluded that maybe It was okay that he didn’t say anything, that he didn’t try to fill the silence with a half hearted quip in attempts to ease the situation. 

He had been struggling since the first mention of Kelsey, Kelsey kelsey kelsey, A name that had now been ingrained in his mind,  How could he not be?he’d never been in this situation, with anyone. The feelings he’d developed over the years, they had been so new, and at first he hated them, he didn’t understand what was happening, or why it was happening to him. Key’s was just like everyone else had been with, or so he told himself, over and over again, until he stopped believing the lies he told himself, and it was easier to ignore how he felt. He hated how vulnerable he felt with them, and honestly? part of him was scared of telling Key’s, how would he react? he had played the scenarios out in his mind more times then he could count, And now he was fighting his imaginary demons, because Key’s had someone else, and Theo was stuck in an endless loop of comparing himself to someone he didn’t even know, did Key’s love her more? of course he did, was she better then him? but he couldn’t think not now, not when Key’s was in his arms crying. 

“You loved me wrong?@ 

👾  

He was quiet again. Listening to Theo deflect everything with a humorous quip when he could tell he was upset was one of the quirks keys had been so drawn too. They were alike in that way and it thrilled him how quick witted theo was. Sometimes even keys had difficulty keeping up with how sparkly theo’s mind was. There was really no other way to do describe it for keys, where most everything was a sound, feeling, fast moving flashes of photos or color he then had to filter through his head to make it make sense with actual words. Theo was like a bubbly feeling in the back of his head mixed with fireworks. But he never told him any of that…Not once since they’d been together. Because even though they grew into each other, their outward quirks and habits, challenged each other’s heads in way that was still exhilarating to keys, they were still hiding from each other. Sometimes keys just assumed that as time passed that one day something would happen where one of them had to drop the veil. He knew it was something that could only be maintained but for so long and honestly, if he’d learned anything these past few weeks, being lucky enough for the first time in his life to feel a little accepted…Finally connected to people in a way that was bigger than himself and meeting someone like kelsey who loved so….fearlessly, it was that waiting for it to happen was over. He was at the precipice of something great and his heart wanted to leap for the first time into whatever version of himself this was going to give way too because he wanted to be better. He owed everyone that had helped get him to this point that. 

“…What if I want you to be mad at me? Because I haven’t been good to you, theo. Not the way I should have been. You stuck around for me and I could never figure out why but it made me feel human….You reminded me that I was here…. When I really didn’t want to be…” The confession is dark and his heart is racing. Brow furrows as his hands run up and down the taller mans sides, almost predicting the way theo is more than likely going to laugh in uncomfortable confusion. But he has to do it, not for himself. No matter the reaction, he needs the man to know. “Thank you…So much for being here for me all this time. For being so funny, and sharp. For being the only thing I’ve had to look forward too since I got here…For seeing something in me you stuck around longer than anyone has…” He takes a deep, shaking breath as his eyes meet the other mans, hands still planted on theo’s hips still terrified of saying any of this but knowing he has too. Because he realizes that tonight is the night he always assumed would come. No choice but to drop the veil. “You’re just as important to me as you were yesterday. I wouldn’t be here without you, theo…I’m gonna show you how much you mean to me…Like….really….If…..if you wanna let me?” 

It was the silence filling the room, once again. Theo stood there under the watchful eyes of keys, He hated it. He hated not knowing what was on his mind. he hated the silence, because he knew the longer he left Keys lingering in the silence, he’d catching himself seeing Theo for what he was, nothing special. It was stupid, he was insecure, that was fucking obvious, because he’d stupidly let himself catch fucking feelings, he didn’t know how, or when it happened. but it happened and he’d been living in constant denial about it since, because instead of being honest, Theo decided to make a joke out of it, filling the dead silence between them with humorous quips, 

All he could do was listen — listen as Keys spoke about wanting Theo to be mad, talking about how he’d been so good to him, been there for him all this years, and made him feel human, and Theo being Theo being uncomfortable in the situation that dangerously encroached a territorial place of feelings, had to stop himself from making comments about how he was there because he was being paid to, but he didn’t because yes, It was true, partly, at the beginning they had an arrangement that soon turned into something more, and the longer they spent together, the years that passed the more the two lines blurred together. 

"Aiden." Theo spoke, as he reached forward to place both hands on either side of the other's neck. “I am mad .. I’m sad, disappointed, upset, at you? at me, the situation? I don’t know,” He spoke, a nervous laugh on his lips. “You know why I stuck around, we both know, You’ve been good to me, you’ve looked after me, when .. when you didn’t need to, we’ve —” He paused, offering a gentle smile, one of his hands coming up to brush the others hair out of his face, “You asking to fuck me in a dressing room with your girlfriend waiting for you?” He mused almost half heartedly.  He took a moment before leaning forward forehead pressed against Keys, “We .. I, you know I like you right? girlfriend or not.”

Fully able to sympathize, at least with not having the skills to put together a proper meal without bringing some kind of harm to a kitchen, Tay nodded his head as he listened. At the same time he couldn’t stifle a small chuckle under his breath. He’d tried a few times to cook for Denise in the past and it hadn’t gone that much better than what this poor guy was describing now.

“I mean, some people think it’s the intent that counts. Those people probably didn’t need to have their stomachs pumped after the fact, but I get what you were going for.”

Surprise, surprise, anyone who so much as knew Theo, would know that he was a mess. he liked to believe that he could do anything including and not limited to cooking, even when he had already melted a pot of boiling water, almost burned down an entire kitchen, and turning it into something unrecognisable, not to mention the last meal he made — or in his case attempted. how do you completely burn a microwavable meal but keep it somehow frozen in the middle?

“In my defence, they leave that shit out of bake off, when they taste test a mess of a fish.”

Listening to Theo’s story, his head tilted a bit and Rhett grinned a bit. He really had no room to talk about cooking because Rhett was pretty awful at it. He could make a grilled cheese and a can of tomato soup but that was about it. He used to make it a lot for his siblings, “Well…you know, at least you tried, mate.” He shrugged, “Gold star.” Rhett smiled, “If you need to practice though, I’m happy to be your candidate.” He joked, although it was fully true. Being cooked meals by an attractive man and also eating free food was a win-win.

Theo knew, he had known from the very moment he decided to cook that It would end terribly. And was he wrong? fuck no, only he could manage to burn a pot of boiling water, but n his defence, he was mildly intoxicated and very distracted. “Gold star?” Theo laughed as he shook his head. “Nah, head was my reward,” He mused, half joking, because while his night almost ended catastrophically, his gesture was well received. “Practice?” Theodore asked, head tilted to the side, lips pursed as he removed the joint hanging from his lips. “cooking or seducing a hot guy?”

**

“Is it wrong that that actually sounds kinda nice?” Bea asked, surprised by the words coming out of her own mouth. She was usually self-sufficient to a fault; she didn’t get ‘lonely’… “Fuck, I need to get fucked, don’t I? None of this would be happening if I got dicked down regularly, right?” She was well and truly living in an alternate reality…

“Nice?” Theo asked, as he shook his head.  “No, no and I can’t express this enough no.”  He was adamant on his dislike for animals, It wasn’t that he hated them, what kind of person would that make him? it was the fact that they hated him — or at least, the cat he had as a child did. “I’m still healing from the childhood trauma.”  He half joked, eyebrow arched, as he let a laugh slip pass his lips/ “I don’t think that kind of insanity can be cured by getting dicked down on the reg.”

“You have a vibe,” she shrugged, though who knew if that was actually true. In Zoe’s humble opinion, there was no one who couldn’t enjoy the art of a well-formed butt. “But sadly the question is genuine. If I wanted to hit on you, I’d ask you to be mine and my husband’s third…”

“I do?” Theo tilted his head, lips pursed before nodding. “You’re damn right.” honestly, anyone who knew him, knew that Theo was an everything man, It didn’t take much of anything to catch, and keep his attention. “Ouch.” Theo faked a light hearted gasp, right hand pressing against his chest. “A party of three, and not a single invitation in sight? I’m offended, deeply offended.”