Faynaama

It had been six months they last touched or even came close to breathe each other’s presence. She would pick him from his office after her gym and they would drive home literally just asking what would be on the dinner menu but on other most evenings it was just long, painful silence. Her heart would pray each day he would realize and tell her he wanted to make it work; make her feel like she is wanted but every passing day it got/felt emptier and darker.

This man who was once head over heels in love with her now couldn’t bear to be with her. Everything she did, every act of kindness she did to keep the sanctity of her wedding vows went unappreciated and ridiculed at.

Every time she wanted to get close to her man or clear the air between them she was told; “I feel uncomfortable around you”, “I feel like I am choked in your presence”, “I just don’t like you being around”, “I think I got married too soon while my mom was ill and it was too late to cancel”.

One night, he came to bed around 5 am in the morning as per routine and found her awake. She tossed and turned on her side while he lay there checking his phone. She couldn’t breathe and the idea of this suffocating, alienated life under one roof with this insensitive man smothered her. She sat up, faintly expecting him to care. He did ask what happened and she told him she couldn’t breathe and that her chest hurt. He casually retorted that it must be an acidic reaction to something she had eaten. ”Let me know if you want to go to the hospital”, he said and rolled over to his side. She wanted to tell him how she was dying inside, piece by piece being alone in their room all the time. Instead, she asked her to just hold her hand like he first had when he promised to stick with her through thick and thin. He let her put her hand on his dead, cold hand for a swift two seconds and then quickly slipped away his hand saying he might have had a muscle pull during workout. At this, the chest pain became unbearable. She felt like her heart would explode and she urged him to drive her to the hospital. The ECG had signs of a scattered heart beat and she was advised to see a specialist. She was scared as she had been bearing all of this by herself without tearing her parents’ feeble hearts. Now she wanted someone to comfort her more than ever but this man drove her back home in that same ugly silence.