cait

A/n: I never see anyone really talk about the adult timeline when it comes to regression. I have a lot of thoughts about little!Shauna but I'm nervous about sharing cause I haven't talked about adult timeline character before. Got a bit carried away. These headcanons are sad because it's Shauna. If anyone wants to hear more i'd love to write more :3

• Shauna uses age regression as a coping mechanism whenever she feels sad, lonely, or any other emotions that feel too big

• It's mainly involuntary, and most of the time she doesn't know when a drop is coming until she's regressed

• She mostly regresses between 5-7, but when something has triggered her and she's particularly upset she'll regress even younger, between 2-4. Sometimes when she's around her family she'll regress to 14-16 because it's familiar to her and she can't help it.

• She didn't want anyone to know about her regression, especially her family. When she drops, she takes care of herself, ensuring no one finds out about it. She hides her little gear in her safe, but then gets upset when she forgets where she's put them when little. Inside is a pacifier, a baby bottle, and a cat plushie. She won't allow herself to get anything else because she doesn't think she needs them (or deserves them).

• When she regresses due to feeling lonely, hallucination Jackie will take care of her. Jackie comforts her and makes her feel better. She's everything Shauna could ever dream of. She doesn't feel lonely when Jackie's by her side, and in that moment it feels so real, like she's really there.

• Shauna cries a lot when regressed. It'll start with a few tears, and then she'll start sobbing. And no matter how hard she tries to be quiet she can't help it when she makes loud hiccups as she tries to get her breath back.

• Despite being so independent, Shauna doesn't really like it. She just has no choice. No one will take care of her. She learned that from a young age. Shauna Shipman—butcher—always angry. She hates when she's talking to Lottie or Misty and she gets the feeling like they're scared of her. She doesn't mean to be scary she just has big emotions and finds it hard to process them.

• She struggles to take care of herself when she regresses younger. She doesn't understand anything. She calls for Jackie and she's not there, and that doesn't make sense. Because she's her best friend. Despite Shauna not knowing Jackie when she was two, all of her memories are intertwined with her, and so no matter what age she regresses at she'll look for Jackie.

• The first time Jeff finds Shauna regressed is late at night, after he comes home from working at the store. She's sobbing in the middle of the bedroom floor, hugging her cat plushie for dear life. Her head is buried in between her knees and she's rocking back and forth. Jeff is hesitant to approach her. He's extremely confused because he'd never seen her like that. When Shauna sees him the only word she can say is 'Jackie'. Where is Jackie? Jeff sits next to her, scratches the back of his head, and said she's not here. That makes Shauna sob harder. Jeff awkwardly rubs her back, and tells her that everything's okay. When she stops crying, Jeff wipes away her tears and tucks her into bed, where she passes out straight away. The next day, when Jeff tries to bring it up, Shauna immediately changes the subject, and they never talk about it again.

• Jeff sees certain signs after that. Like sometimes he'll catch her staring into space while sucking her thumb. Or she'll get so angry at something so small. Or when she's cutting the meat she'll stop and rub the plastic side of the knife with her tumb in a repetitive motion that seems familiar to her. She doesn't seem like she's entirely here, rather living inside her head. Jeff doesn't know what to do so he doesn't bring it up and hope it goes away. He ignores when there's a pacifier on the bedroom floor. He pretends he's asleep when he can hear Shauna's sniffles next to him in bed. And pretends he doesn't hear Jackie's name leave her mouth.

• The first person Shauna tells about her regression is Tai. She knows Tai will understand. And she knows she won't judge. They're having a makeshift sleepover at Shauna's because Tai can't sleep and Shauna's always said that when she can't she should come to her's because they're close to each other. Shauna feels safe and not lonely for the first time in ages. She tells her that there's some times where everything feels too big. Where her emotions are too much and too confusing and too overpowering. She can't deal with the horrible feeling of having no one. The ever-present grief. The unprocessed trauma. She tells her she'll enter a safer headspace, a younger headspace. She doesn't understand it herself, but it helps, and she's realised she doesn't think she'll be able to stop any time soon. Tai is supportive and asks questions to what will help in case she drops around her. She tells her to call her whenever she regresses or feels lonely. She doesn't take her up on that offer at first, but she soon does because she's so tired of feeling a neverending pit of grief. Tai makes her feel better. Tai helps.

• When Shauna goes to Lottie's 'retreat', she thinks she successfully hides her regression from everyone. However, Lottie figures it out straight away. She examines that way Tai watches her closely, immediately going to her side whenever Shauna presents a slight change in emotion. She doesn't say anything because she knows what it's like.

• Shauna experiences a lot of self-hatred, especially towards her regressed self. She hates that she's so angry. She hates that she's so sad. She hates that she struggles expressing how she feels, with it coming out in either tears or outbursts towards Jeff or Callie. She feels incredibly guilty and after an outburst, she'll refuse to allow herself to regress, instead choosing to repress it until it causes her to regress incredibly young, and the cycle begins again.

• Shauna likes to write when regressed. Little stories or poems that don't make much sense when she rereads them when she's bigger.