──── apsychometry … astra hecuba .
Astra didn’t know what she was expecting when she had returned, to be honest. Her mind first went to an emergency that needed her abilities to fix, but what would be the emergency? Klarick was no longer an issue. The walls that Julius had put up between them almost killed her, triggered such a deep rooted wound that had her feeling NUMB. She remembered … long ago when she had one foster parent after another, who had first showered her with love and then closed up on her before sending her back to the orphanage, triggering deep psychological wounds and a toxic cycle of her going to the nines to be loved, to be somehow accepted in this cold lonely world she had found herself in. A toxic cycle where she begged to be loved. She didn’t think she could survive it with Julius.
Her time away had been helpful to get her head back on straight, to stop herself from asking, begging to know why he shut her out — begging in the same way she had done all those years ago. She did not want to beg someone to love her. Or question why she wasn’t enough. The love she had for Julius was the most powerful love she had felt her entire life, and some part of her would always love him even when he shut her out.
He really did look terrible, and as for the explanation he gave as to why, well… her eyebrows rose. Even as she was trying not to be too affected by the way his fingers curved along her jawline. Karina had beaten him up? And what was this about an alpha lecture from Ellie? Brown hues looked at him, a million questions unfolding in her mind but deciding to stay quiet. Because the strangest thing was happening –
“I remember,” she said softly. Astra had needed a week to recover from that because she would find herself bursting into tears over Melitta and Julius’ pain, overwhelmed with sadness at what they had gone through, with no one to save them. It was terrible, but not even a fraction of how terrible it had been to actually experience something like that. Her gaze did not miss the way he pressed his fingers into his rib – so that was where the wound was located. Why…. wasn’t he healing himself?
Though his next sets of words left her …. Speechless. Everything from the way he described the effect Klarick had on him… to the reason why he closed upon her. But oh… he LOVED her. The reinforced titanium walls that he put up crumbled before her very eyes and every single feeling he had for her came crashing over, like a TIDAL wave that he drowned her in. It caused her to inhale sharply, the purity of his love a force that could take on this very world, wrapping around her, making itself known in full force. It caused tears to well up in her eyes, breath hitching in her throat as he continued to speak, continued to pour his heart and honesty out at her.
She waited a moment when he had gone back into the house, wiping at her tears and taking deep breaths to calm down, closing her eyes. And then….she lowered her body to the balcony, feet touching the cool concrete before walking into the house, approaching Julius from behind and wrapping her arms around him in the gentlest way. Immediately, her healing powers activated in full force, encasing him much like her arms were, tackling every recent physical wound he carried and healing it within a mere few seconds. Her cheek rested against his back, eyes closed, before she turned her head and pressed a warm kiss over his shirt. She knew his scars rested there…beneath the fabric of his shirt…beneath that complex glamour.
“I fell in love with you too… well before the mating bond was triggered. Honestly, I think it was after our second meeting,” she rested her cheek against his back once more, her tone soft, revealing this secrete within her heart. “It’s so easy to love you, Julius. Trust me. It was the easiest thing in the world.” She paused, thinking of ways to speak her thoughts in the best possible way. “Normally, I would have poked and prodded and asked a million questions when I saw you were closing up. But it…. it reminded me a lot of the past. In which every person I cared about would initially accept me… and then close up. It was mainly with foster parents, who would then return me to the foster home. No matter how hard I tried –” She’d never opened up about this to anyone before. “It was never enough. I was never enough,” she finished quietly. “It was a cruel experience… to be welcomed and then disregarded over and over again, until I was tossed to the streets at 18. I suppose you can say…it…it triggered me. I was afraid the past would repeat and if it did, I don’t know if I would have survived it.” And so, she closed up and distanced herself.
Astra gently turned him around, resting a hand against his cheek and offering a small smile. “We’re all flawed…and the damage done to you by HIM … was beyond terrible. But fate is never wrong, Jules. I would know - I am the goddess that represents it now,” she said, with her smile lifting a bit higher. It was another tidbit she hadn’t revealed about herself yet… such as what her powers were and what they represented. What SHE represented.
She lowered her gaze, taking her hands in his. “Our love was never about fate… simply because we chose it before fate intervened. I loved you before fate deemed it so,” she lifted her gaze to meet his. “And I love you still now. That will never change,” she finished, shyly, a hint of colour spreading across her cheeks, slightly overwhelmed with the force of Julius’ love around her, a force that could power the world for years to come. How…on earth had he managed to cage that up?
“We need to…work on your insecurities and lack of self worth. And we both should work on better communication,” She purposely used ‘we’ so he would know that she was going to work on this with him, right by his side. “And you MUST get some rest, how long have you been without sleep?!” And there was the concern bleeding through once more, as oh she had sensed his fatigue when he healed her – but his body needed actual sleep, that was certain. “Come on…,” she tugged at his hand, leading him down the hall towards his bedroom. She glanced back, lips curving up into a loving smile, the light in her eyes that had been there before… returning in full force.
HE HAD MANY FAULTS ; he was all but made up of them. ( 𝑓𝛼𝜇𝑙𝜏𝑠 𝛼𝜋𝜕 𝑚𝜄𝑠𝜏𝛼𝜅𝜀𝑠 𝑙𝜄𝜋𝑔𝜀𝑟𝜀𝜕 𝜄𝜋 𝘩𝜄𝑠 𝜕𝜋𝛼. ) he also had the issue ; of how he would always put someone elses problems before his own. he would change the entanglements of his own thoughts and needs, to make sure someone else was taken care of. he was a protector, it was a default setting that unfortunately he was wired too. his mothers problems, his siblings, his children, his friends. all of it came before himself. and he would shove everything down into a cage that was built of titanium, if it meant his emotions and thoughts didn’t damage them. but somehow, his pain towards Astra had broken through. though if he thought about it, maybe this ‘protector thing’ had kicked in and forced him to hurt her on purpose. to push her aside to be better without him. away from him.
if it was — then honestly he hated every minute of it. he wished [ . . . ] he didn’t have this stupid protective instinct. that meant he hurt her, that meant he hurt himself. and as he watched her, his love burning out of the cage he’d contained it in to swirl around her. he hoped she could feel the deep regret he felt. the regret on how he had hurt her and allowed her to know the sharp edge of his mistreatment. especially as her words fluttered over his back. the way she speak was nothing more than a stark reminder, that he was just as deadly to her as those who had played with her love in the past. another scar to add to her collection.
he knew she’d healed him, but he ignores it for now. shifting beneath her hands in what can only be considered as awkwardness. obsidian eyes so open and revealing, like dark mirrors that acted as a doorway straight to his heart and emotions. her words were soothing balms, but he found he didn’t deserve them. oh he clung to each slither of softness that was represented in them, her love so pure and unending as it crashed into him. fuck how did he ever manage to hurt someone so pure, who loved him with a fierceness that at times scared him. but wasn’t his love just as encompassing. as it radiated inside of him, with a strength she could feel.
his forehead rests against hers, as he lets out a heavy sigh. eyes closed as he churns everything through his mind. works it in a million directions and decides which way to say what he was feeling. “ I love you …… and i'm sorry i came to you so broken !!. ” he didn’t know what else to say [ . . . ] his fatigue crashing into him like a tidal wave. stealing ever last visage of his thoughts. and leaving nothing behind but pure exhaustion. the type that couldn’t be healed, and seeped deep into his skin and bones. Karina and his mothers words still clattering around inside his mind. and he makes a promise to spend more time with Karina. she had been as broken as him, even more so, but had managed to move forward. so maybe instead of kicking his ass, she could guide him.
and of course, he’d let Astra in. beneath his walls. to see the secrets that had left festering wounds on his soul. from the first time he had failed, to the times he had let love slip through his fingers. he’d show her it all. to see every part of him. “ when did you leave …… as the night before was the last night i slept !!. ” he shrugs without a drop of regret [ . . . ] because yeah he knew it was stupid but. when his wolf is all but ripping him apart mentally. what was he supposed to do. “ my thoughts were too loud. ” the last part is muffled by a loud yawn. his exhaustion making itself known in a huge way, one he couldn’t deny anymore.