FAT COLIN

gabgonepaleo-ish replied to your photo: Rubber ducky

THE V

I don't feel like I deserve anything positive.  It's some sort of anti-entitlement.  I make things difficult for myself so that when I conquer them (luckily, I believe that I can conquer some things), I feel like I have earned a reward.  No matter what it is, food, relationships, money, jobs, it's only allowed BY MYSELF when I feel like I have faced opposition equal to the amount of reward.  I'm dangling a donut in front of my own face.  It's all self-inflicted. 

It brings me to ask myself, why do I have this system in place?  It's because it's the only way to allow myself to have good things in my life.  My beliefs state that nothing can come to me unless I deserve it, with the default value of being undeserving.  If I simply changed the belief that I am deserving, I could allow good things to come to me without weathering the bad.

trianglesandmaps replied to your post: I'm not sure when I made the transition to actually hating my job, but I'm definitely there. I need to find something new.

i remember you telling us about moving to a city in denver where you found a job you might like more. Is that still in your plans?