emi

Jesus Christ.

Ellie had said it four times since she'd left the house this morning. She'd said it when she woke up, when it really hit that she was going on a date. She'd said it looking in the mirror before leaving the house, with her scruffy hair and overworn jacket that didn't exactly scream 'put together'. She'd said it along with a string of other choice words when her damn car didn't start, knowing she'd be late. And now, Ellie grumbled it beneath her breath as she trudged up the slopey road to the old diner, car keys clutched tightly in her fist.

Along the way she tried to smooth back her hair, like a calloused palm could somehow make it look presentable. The wisps of cold air tickled her cheek, snowflakes staining the collar of her old beater. God, she felt so out of her depth. Warm light flooded from the windows of the diner, a faint buzz of the jukebox creeping out. It was pretty empty tonight, with a few couples and friends hanging by the booths. Then she spotted someone else inside, her date.

You, like her, were in your late thirties, with soft curls and red lips that made her mouth dry. She'd figured you were from around here, a pretty face wearing a red flannel tied to the front and hoop earrings that twinkled under the lights of the diner. Ellie watched from outside for a moment, watching you stir your milkshake with a lowered head, like you were trying to sink into the cream and away from your embarrassment.

Ellie quickly ploughed up the icy staircase, heart hammering tight. She pushed open the door a little harder than she'd intended, her cheeks turning hot as a few glances turned her way. She rubbed a palm along the side of her face as she scuffled towards your table, heavy boots tracking along the floor. Too damn old for this. With her head lowered and hands stuffed into her pocket, she was having trouble deciding if it was bad manners to just sit herself down.

Caught in her indecision, she ended up just standing there like an idiot for a good minute before clearing her throat. You glanced her way, dark eyes lighting up in warm relief. Ellie was sunk by your smile, the way you gestured for her to take a seat with a nervous giggle. She all but fumbled into the booth with all the grace of a bull, still rubbing the back of her neck.

"It's Ellie, right? For a minute there 'thought maybe you weren't comin'.."

That sticky sweet laugh damn near made her melt on the spot. You were prettier up close, with dark lashes and eyes that crinkled at the corners whenever you smiled. Ellie hadn't even realised she didn't answer until you cocked a brow, still stirring the remnants of your milkshake. She bit down on her tongue, forcing a nod as she stared down at the napkins on the table.

"Yeah, sorry about that darlin', honest. Car got jammed in the snow when I tried to leave, near ended up hitching to this diner.."

Her voice came gruff, and the sound of it made her cringe inward. Her cheeks tinged red, coat feeling too heavy on her shoulders, too worn. Everything felt too rough, and she wasn't so sure how to fix it. You'd put so much effort in with that little outfit and the makeup, and, god, she was embarrassed. But then you laughed, not like you thought she was a mess, but like you were pleasantly amused. She peeked up from beneath her tufts of hair, seeing that your gaze was resting on her.

"That's so typical.."

You spoke, making an honest effort to keep the conversation afloat. Instead of maybe grasping onto that like any normal person, Ellie sank.

"Yeah.."

A heavy silence hung over the table, and Ellie began to chew on her lip. She'd hoped to be smoother than this, but as she tried to grasp at something to say, nothing came. The only thing that saved her was the waitress approaching with her notepad.

"Evening ladies, ready to order?"

Her prissy voice cut through the silence, and you sighed gently in relief at the brief respite. You took the lead, nodding while having a glance over the menu.

"I'll go with some loaded fries sweetheart, and another shake.."

You spoke, glancing up from your menu to the woman in front of you as she fumbled with her order. A little smile continued to tug at your lips, amazed at how she could make ordering a cheeseburger seem so difficult. It was cute, honestly. While she was distracted, you got a good chance to really look at her.

She seemed a little older than you, with heavy brows that drooped when she spoke. Her scruffy hair was a faded chestnut colour that you could just tell brightens in the summer. She was hunched over in that big coat, rough fingers toying with the diner placemat like she had no idea what else to do with them. You bit down on your lip gently, enamoured by those sun kissed freckles and the way her cheeks were pink.

The waitress scurried off back to the kitchen with your order, and that silence took over. You weren't about to let that sway you, not when you'd got all dolled up to come out tonight. Besides, it wasn't often you got the chance to go on a date with a woman your age. You leaned over the table slightly, just so she didn't feel as far away.

"So, you got any kids? Anythin' I need to know about.."

It was a tease, obviously. Ellie's eyes lifted to yours for a minute before briskly shaking her head. She tried to sit up straighter, clearing her throat so that she could say something.

"Nah, definitely no kids, s'just me.. you?"

"Mm.. for now, got a daughter away at college.."

You spoke it quieter, like you were used to it being a deal breaker. Ellie sat up straighter, not surprised in the slightest that a gentle and damn attractive woman like you was a mother. She actually smiled, chewing on her lip before pushing back.

"Yeah? What's she studying?.."

Ellie murmured, voice soft, like she genuinely cared. You weren't expecting that, and it was your turn to stumble over your words.

"She's up in the city, studies biochem.. god knows where she got the brains for it.."

You chuckled, a fondness in your voice. In your mind, she was still that little girl who wanted nothing more than to win the science fair. Now she had a small apartment, a state scholarship and a boyfriend who was crazy about her.

"That so? I'm sure she got it from her mama.."

Ellie grinned, enamoured by your pink cheeks and how lovingly you spoke about your kid.

"Oh no, hadn't a clue where to start when she needed help with her projects.."

You laughed, shaking your head and stirring the remnants of your melted milkshake. You were quiet for a moment, before something pressed you to be a little more honest.

"Never actually made it out of school myself, got pregnant real young.. and God knows I'm so glad she's out there making something of herself, but I don't even know what to do with myself now that she's away.."

Your smile grew softer, a little somber. Your eyes fluttered up to Ellie, and a wick of anxiety dribbled into your gut from the fact that she was still silent. The words tumbled out, worried that you'd said too much.

"Sorry, I know it's a lot.."

Ellie snapped out of her trance, too busy staring at your pretty cheeks to realize that once again she'd forgotten to answer. She shook her head quickly, leaning forward enough to speak in a more sincere voice.

"No, I like a family woman, real brave.."

You scoffed gently, a smile tugging at your lip as you shrugged.

"Wouldn't call it brave, I was scared shitless all by myself, s'a wonder she turned out so well.."

The words tumbled out with a quiet laugh, and Ellie was already a goner. It was hard for her to concentrate, to act like a normal person when she was sitting in front of a woman, a real woman. The southern drawl, the unbuttoned flannel that held your cleavage, the red lipstick that was staining every cup you put your lips to. If she could be that straw you were stirring, she would.

"That's plenty about me though, what about you darlin'? Any skeletons in there.."

You prodded a manicured finger with a warm chuckle, wanting to know more about this brooding woman that sat across from you.

"Too many.. ran away from home at seventeen, got myself into trouble so I eventually went back. Figured my old man wouldn't even let me in, but he was just glad I was home.."

You sat quietly, attentive with a warm expression on your face. Ellie swallowed.

"I settled down after that, started working in construction with him and getting some cash of my own, now I live just ahead of here.."

Ellie's voice fizzled out, embarrassment creeping over her despite the way you practically beamed. She was so earthly, so quaint and charming with how honest she was. She spoke up again, scratching the back of her neck.

"Sorry, I know it's nothing interesting.."

You grinned, shaking your head and leaning closer.

"I think it's plenty interesting.."

Neither of you had realized just how far you were leaning over the table, arms almost touching. It wasn't until the waitress arrived with your food that you snapped out of it, pulling back to your side with pink cheeks. You dug into your loaded fries after thanking the server, watching with amusement as Ellie tried to tackle her burger neatly. You bit back a giggle as she tried to avoid making a mess of herself.

The night passed easier with both of you calm, giggles and stories that had you gasping. It was the most fun you'd had in a while, even if you could tell that the woman in front of you was still nervous. She'd paid for the whole thing despite your offer to split half, such a gentleman. Your cheeks were warm, a pleasant buzz in your stomach as the two of you left the diner and stepped out into the snow. Ellie shoved her hands back into her pockets, rocking on her heels before glancing up at you.

"I'm sorry tonight was a bit of a mess darlin', haven't done anything like this in a while.."

You had to fight off a smile, watching as the cold air tinted her cheeks and stuck some snowflakes to her hair. You clutched your purse, shaking your head with a warm chuckle as you gazed down at her.

"I had a good time, seriously.. I'd like t' see you again.."

Your voice came soft, and despite the reassurance Ellie was still convinced that she'd muddled this, that you thought she was awkward or at the very least boring. You could see it in her eyes that she didn't believe you, and you laughed. With your hands bracing her shoulder gently, you leaned down to press a sticky kiss to her cheek. When you pulled back, your red lipstick stained the area teasingly. Ellie watched as you walked away, cheeks flushed as a lopsided grin tugged at her lips.

when ellie opens the door to her garage she's quiet. no excited hey, baby. or call of your name.

she looks at you and her lips wobble. she lets you see a side of her she lets no one else, save for maybe joel, see. not tough, badass ellie, just a teenage girl in desperate need of comfort.

"hey, hey, it's okay. i'm here." you get up from your spot on her bed and wrap your arms around her. she sniffles and collapses into your touch, clinging to your middle.

you hold her for a while, rocking her as you two stand in the doorway.

"are you hurt?" you pull away to examine her, she's got blood splattered on her face but you can't tell if it's hers.

"just a bruise on my hip, i fell on some ice." she rubs at her eyes, either to try and brush away tears or from exhaustion.

“okay,” you push a stray piece of hair from her face, “you want me to run you a bath?”

“please.” she nods.

so you lead her into the small bathroom and sit her on the toilet to start the water. when you turn back to her she’s stripped her jacket and shirt, just leaving her in a sports bra. she’s leaned down to untie her shoes but the angle is clearly painful with her injury.

“i got it.” you say, already on your knees in front of her. you place her heel in your lap and pull at the knot of her shoelace.

“do you want to talk about it?” you ask, taking her shoe off and switching to the other foot.

she shrugs, “i don’t know, there’s nothing really to talk about. it’s just some runners that freaked me out. i don’t like when you can still tell they’re…people.”

“mhm,” you hum. she doesn’t need talking right now, just your comfort. it reassures her she’s not a bad person.

you stand to check on the bath and when you see it’s only halfway filled so you dampen a washcloth and take her chin in your hands. she looks up at you for a moment, olive eyes just watching you. they flutter close and you gently brush the cloth against her cheek to wipe away the blood. as you work you notice the furrow between her brows lessen. you finish and press a kiss to the mole under her left eye.

“bath’s ready, baby.” you tell her and she nods, eyes still closed.

you help her out of her sports bra and jeans and into the tub.

“is the temperature okay?”

“yeah, it’s good.” she looks dopey like she could fall asleep right then and there.

you get to work shampooing and conditioning her hair. this was always her favorite part, she loved when you played with her hair. whether it been when you two were cuddled up in her bed, hands scratching her scalp or when you cut her hair.

you take time to scrub the dried blood from underneath her nails. you catch her staring again.

“what?” you ask, trying to mask a shy smile.

“nothin’. i just love you,” she whispers, “no one else would do this for me, it’s nice.”

you grin like an idiot and pull her tattooed hand up to your lips. you kiss all over her forearm, up until where the moth ends.

you hand her a towel, “i’m gonna grab you some pjs i’ll be right back.”

when you return she’s drying her hair, very aggressively, with the towel.

“i actually don’t understand how you have such nice hair when you do things like that.” you say handing her a worn out shirt and boxers.

“like what?” she looks genuinely confused and you just shake your head giggle.

“never mind.” you take the damp towel from her and hang it up while she gets dressed. “want me to make you something to eat?”

“mmm like what?”

“spaghetti? i just picked some tomatoes from the greenhouses today.”

“that sounds so fucking good.”

and so you cook for her, and listen to her talk. a bit about patrol, how she and jesse wandered into a toy store that had loads of savage starlight trading cards and how she spotted a cardinal that made her think of you. she doesn’t tell you about anything else about the runners that upset her, but you figure she’ll tell you when she’s ready.

after she eats you two settle in her bed and turn on jurassic park but she’s so exhausted she barely makes it past the opening credits. but you don’t mind, as long as she’s safe and in your arms.

You hated how your voice cracked, hated how you couldn’t just be cold and distant and above it all. But this had been building. And tonight — seeing Ellie laughing with Cat at that house party, the way Cat grabbed her wrist, the way Ellie let her — it broke something inside you.

“She was all over you,” you said, arms crossed now. “Again.”

“I wasn’t flirting back.”

“You smiled when she said you looked hot.”

“She complimented me.”

“And you took her sailing last weekend...on Joel’s boat.”

Ellie blinked. “That was— It was with the group.”

“You didn’t invite me.”

The silence hit harder than shouting. Ellie opened her mouth, then closed it. You watched the gears turn — excuses, deflection, maybe even a joke — but nothing came.

“Why do you let her talk to you like that?” you asked, quieter now. “Why is it so hard for you to just say, ‘Hey, I have a girlfriend’? That’s not complicated, Ellie. That’s not some unsolvable math problem.”

Ellie rubbed her temple. “I didn’t want to make a scene.”

“Bullshit,” you snapped. “You just didn’t want her to stop liking you.”

“That’s not fair!”

“No, what’s not fair is being in a relationship with someone who lets their ex hang off them like they’re still a thing. What’s not fair is me sitting on that damn bed that night, wondering if I should’ve just gone home.”

Ellie paced. She always did that when she was cornered — not angry, just trying to escape the space with movement. You sat on the bed, arms crossed, pulse loud in your ears.

“You know how I feel about you,” Ellie said, not looking at you. “You know that.”

“Then act like it.”

She stopped moving.

You shook your head. “It’s not about trust, Ellie. It’s about respect. And you keep choosing not to give me any when she’s around. Like you’re still waiting for her to want you again.”

“That’s not— That’s not what this is.”

“Then what is it?”

Ellie looked at you, finally. She looked tired. Like she’d been running on fumes for a while and only just noticed.

“I don’t know,” she admitted

And somehow, that hurt more than anything else.

You took a breath, jaw tight, trying not to let your voice shake. “You didn’t invite me.”

Ellie blinked. “What?”

“You invited her to go sailing, on Joel’s boat. With our friends and you didn’t even think to ask your girlfriend.”

Ellie’s mouth opened, but you didn’t let her fill the air with whatever half-assed explanation she was about to give.

“You planned it. That wasn’t a ‘spur of the moment’ thing. You made a group chat for it. You packed snacks. You brought music and... and decided to not invite me.”

Ellie winced.

You shook your head, incredulous. “You keep saying I’m weird with my feelings, that I don’t open up enough. That I make it hard for you to ‘read’ me. But somehow, you’re a goddamn genius when it comes to knowing exactly how to protect whatever’s left of your thing with Cat.”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” she said quickly.

“Then what are you doing?” you asked, stepping closer. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re keeping her around as backup and every time she leans in and calls you cute or grabs your wrist like you’re still hers, you let her.”

You could see it on her face — not guilt, not really. Just confusion, like she’d never let herself look at it that closely. Like she’d built the whole thing on vibes and nostalgia and now that you were poking holes in it, the air was finally leaking out.

“She doesn’t mean anything to me anymore,” she muttered.

“Then why did she get a day on the water with you, and I got silence?”

Ellie didn’t answer.

You stared at her. “You keep telling me I’m hard to read, that I don’t say enough. So I’m saying it now. This hurts. It makes me feel small. It makes me feel like I’m just a placeholder until you’re ready to admit you still want her.”

“I don’t want her,” Ellie said, louder now, like saying it harder would make it more true.

“But you want her attention.”

Silence again. This time, Ellie didn’t move.

“I need you to choose, els,” you said, voice low but steady. “Because I already am. I already did.”

You crossed your arms, not in anger, but to hold yourself together.

“Just stop calling me confusing when you’ve built a whole friendship with your ex on mixed signals and unspoken history. At least I’m trying.”

Ellie sat down slowly on the edge of the bed, hands clasped like she didn’t know what to do with them. Her voice came out small.

“You’re right.”

You scoffed. “Yeah, I know I’m right.”

She flinched a little, but you were past caring about sparing her feelings right now. You’d swallowed too much already.

You took a few steps across the room, pacing now — needing to move because staying still meant crying, and you weren’t giving her that right now.

“It’s not just that she flirts,” you said, turning back to face her. “It’s how you let her. Every fucking time. You don’t flinch, you don’t set a boundary, you don’t even pause. It’s like you’re just waiting for her to go there.”

Ellie opened her mouth.

“No. Don’t say it’s harmless. Don’t say you don’t notice it. Because if you notice me being ‘distant,’ you notice that.”

Ellie’s jaw worked, clenched. “It’s not like I’m trying to—”

“But you are,” you cut in. “Maybe not consciously. But something in you still wants it or wants her to want you. And I have to sit there, pretending like it’s no big deal. Like it doesn’t feel like you’d still fuck her if she asked.”

Ellie’s eyes snapped up, sharp. “Seriously?”

“Yes. Seriously.” You were done filtering. “That’s exactly what it feels like, Ellie!”

Her voice came out low, rough. “You really think I’d do that to you?”

“I don’t know what you’d do, Ellie. That’s the point. Because you don’t say no. You just… comply. You laugh, you smile, you let her lean into you like she still gets to have you.”

“She doesn’t.”

“Then act like it.”

Ellie stood suddenly, too fast, like she couldn’t sit with it anymore. “I am! I’m with you, aren’t I?”

You took a step back. “No, you’re performing like you are. Like you’re checking all the girlfriend boxes and hoping I won’t notice the crack in the foundation.”

Her voice rose. “I’m trying! I don’t know how to make it perfect for you!”

You stared at her. “I never asked for perfect. I asked for honesty. I asked for respect. You don’t have to burn her out of your life — but jesus, Ellie, you have to stop acting like her attention is more important than my feelings, than us”

That landed. You saw it in the way her shoulders dropped, the way she looked away from you like it physically stung her.

“Do you even want to be with me?” you asked, voice low, raw.

Ellie looked up at you — and didn’t say anything.

She just stood there. Still. Quiet. Mouth parting like something was almost going to come out, but didn’t.

And that was it.

Your face dropped. The silence hit harder than any answer could have. Your heart plummeted like your body had been yanked off a ledge.

“Oh my god,” you said, a sharp, broken whisper.

It wasn’t panic.

It was disgust, and realization sinking in like a slow poison.

You let out a bitter breath, laughing once, joyless and short. “Wow. She really fucking got in your head, huh?”

Ellie’s eyes flicked up. “It’s not—”

“No. Don’t,” you snapped. “You didn’t say yes, Ellie. You didn’t even try. You just stood there like you were waiting for a better question.”

Ellie’s mouth tightened, but she still didn’t speak.

You nodded slowly, your hands trembling as you reached for your phone and charger from the nightstand. “Cool. Great. She wins. Cat can finally have you all to herself.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not?” you threw back. “You practically gift-wrap yourself for her every time we're in the same room. At least now I won’t be in the way.”

You grabbed your hoodie, phone, keys. No suitcase — that would’ve been too dramatic, too permanent. But you were done pretending this wasn’t something broken.

“I’m staying at Dina’s tonight,” you said, shoving the charger into your hoodie pocket. “Maybe longer. I don’t think I owe you a heads-up next time.”

Ellie stepped forward. “Wait—”

But you were already at the door.

Your hand on the knob, you paused — not out of hope, but to see if she’d finally say something that meant anything.

Behind you, she was silent.

So you opened the door, and left her standing in the dark.

Dina didn’t ask questions when you showed up at her door with red-rimmed eyes and your voice hanging on by a thread.

She just stepped aside and let you in.

Now you were curled up on her couch, hoodie sleeves damp from wiping your face, legs tucked under you like if you compacted yourself small enough, maybe the pain would shrink with you.

You've been talking for what felt like hours. Maybe it had only been fifteen minutes but it didn’t matter.

“She just stood there,” you cried, voice hoarse from it. “I asked her point-blank — 'do you even want to be with me?'— and she just… stood there. Like I asked her the weather. Like she needed time to weigh it.”

Dina sat by you, holding you against her chest, arms wrapped tightly as she rocked you slowly, steady.

Her fingers brushed through your hair in soft, repetitive strokes. Like a mother coaxing her child to sleep.

You were practically shaking in her hold.

“And I knew. I knew this was gonna happen. I fucking knew she wasn’t over Cat,” you sobbed, angry now. “Like some part of her still thinks Cat is this golden ticket or some shit. That if she keeps orbiting around her long enough, Cat’ll wake up and suddenly be less of a self-centered, smug bitch.”

Dina didn’t say anything. She just let you keep going, you needed this.

“She always acted like it was harmless,” you spat. “Like, ‘oh, Cat’s just flirty with everyone, it doesn’t mean anything’ — yeah? Then why the fuck did ellie take her on Joel’s boat? Huh? If it’s meaningless, why make that special little group outing and leave your actual girlfriend out of it?”

Your voice cracked on girlfriend, like you couldn’t even hold the word anymore.

“And Cat—Jesus Christ,” you growled, leaning harder into Dina’s side, like it would stop the pit from swallowing you. “That girl knew exactly what the fuck she was doing. She knew me and Ellie were together. And she still pulled that touchy shit. Still whispered in Ellie's ear, still got handsy, and still tried to own her.”

You sniffed, bitter. “It’s like watching someone flirt with your partner while they’ve got one foot out the door — and you’re the only one noticing it.”

Dina pressed her cheek to the top of your head. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“She’s a bitch, Dina,” you hissed. “A manipulative, smug little bitch with a sailor moon tattoo and too much eyeliner and no fucking boundaries. And Ellie? Ellie just fucking lets her do it. Lets Cat sink those little claws in like she was waiting for Cat to say, ‘I want you back.’ Like maybe then, she’d finally feel chosen.”

Ellie’s dorm was too quiet now.

Not peaceful — hollow. Like the air had been knocked out of it the second the door slammed shut behind you.

She paced, back and forth, back and forth.

Her fingers twisted the hem of her hoodie, tugged at her sleeves, and scratched the side of her neck until it turned red.

She couldn’t stop hearing your voice.

'Do you even want to be with me?'

And worse; the silence she gave you in return.

Her phone buzzed on the desk again, a second message.

She’d already seen the first one — the one Cat sent twenty minutes ago, after Ellie had made the dumbest decision of her entire fucking life.

Cat(therine): on my way. u alone?

Ellie stared at it, and locked the screen.

Before she unlocked it again, like somehow the message might change.

Because yeah — she had texted Cat, after you left. After Ellie sat in the dark, feeling that twist of shame and panic and something else she couldn’t name. The need for a distraction. Something familiar, Something easy.

Ellie told herself it didn’t mean anything. Just a conversation. Just closure, maybe. A buffer before Ellie tried to fix what she ruined with you.

Ellie ran her hands over her face.

What the fuck was she doing?

+

A knock at the door, Ellie froze.

It wasn’t loud — just two soft taps, like the person on the other side already knew she would answer. Knew she’d let her in.

Ellie stood still for a second, her hand hovering just over the doorknob. She didn’t want to open it.

At least, not in any honest, grounded part of her. But her body didn’t care about that.

Her body was running a script she hadn’t rewritten yet.

Cat stood there with that same confident smile — all glossy lips and fake innocence.

Her coat was slung over one shoulder, hair curled just enough to look casual, like she hadn’t tried (even though she absolutely had). Her eyes immediately dropped to Ellie’s mouth before drifting back up, slow and sure.

“Hey,” she said. Too soft, too smooth.

Ellie stepped aside and Cat walked in like she owned the place.

And before Ellie could even think about what the hell she was doing, Cat turned and slipped her arms around Ellie’s neck, pulling her in close. “Missed me?”

Ellie didn’t pull back.

She let her hands hover awkwardly at Cat’s waist — not committed, but not resisting either.

And for a second, she almost sank into it, muscle memory.

The way Cat fit against her. The curve of her body, and the perfume she always wore that lingered on hoodies long after she left.

Then she saw it — Cat's smile.

Too sweet, too curated.

It didn’t hit the same.

Because your smile had never been like that, yours wasn’t practiced. It wasn’t laced with agenda. It wasn’t trying to win, or trap, or conquer.

Yours was warm.

Quiet, honest.

Even when you were annoyed with her. Even when you were tired, especially then.

Ellie felt it — this sudden gut-punch contrast between what she had and what she was standing in right now.

She tried to shake it off.

“So,” Ellie said, voice tight, “you just happened to be in the area?”

Cat laughed. “You invited me, remember?”

“Right.” Ellie swallowed. “Right.”

Cat leaned in, brushing her nose along Ellie’s jaw. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Ellie said, too fast.

She felt herself go still, her arms dropped, and Cat didn’t seem to notice.

Or maybe she did — and just didn’t care, not like you. You always cared.

“You’re tense,” Cat purred, fingers playing with the edge of Ellie’s collar. “Let me fix that.”

Ellie forced a chuckle. “You're always so helpful.”

And just like you said — Ellie smiled, let Cat touch her, and didn’t flinch. Didn’t stop her, didn't say no.

She was doing it again.

The exact way you had described it.

And for the first time, it wasn’t flattering. It wasn’t fun, it was pathetic.

+

Cat’s hands were sliding up Ellie’s hoodie, her voice a syrupy murmur near Ellie’s ear.

Ellie wasn’t hearing a word, not really. Her mind was spinning, spiraling, folding in on itself with every breath.

She felt detached, like she was watching someone else crash the car in slow motion.

Another knock at the door, distant.

Cat giggled against her collarbone. “Ignore it,” she whispered, hands tugging Ellie's hoodie. “They’ll go away.”

But they didn’t.

Click.

A soft jingle of metal, the door unlocked.

Ellie blinked, She hadn’t locked it after Cat came in.

The door creaked open.

And there stood Dina — backlit by the hallway, holding a familiar little card. The one Ellie had given you months ago, when things were still soft and stupid and sweet.

Dina looked at the scene in front of her.

Cat practically draped over Ellie like a designer coat, and Ellie standing there frozen, hollow-eyed.

For a second, Dina didn’t say anything.

Then she smiled.

Not a nice one, not even close.

“Wow,” Dina said, voice bright in the most biting, fake way. “Didn’t realize we were back in rotation already.”

Ellie opened her mouth, but her throat locked. “Dina, I—”

Dina raised a hand, cutting Ellie off.

“Nope. Not here for your breakup-tour monologue.”

Dina stepped inside, twirling the card once before chucking it across the room.

It bounced off the edge of Ellie’s desk, landing somewhere near Cat’s bag. Cat didn’t even flinch — probably thought it was beneath her.

Dina gave Cat a once-over, her smile didn’t move.

“Don’t worry,” she said to Ellie, sweet as poison. “I’m just here to grab her stuff.”

Ellie’s brows pulled together. “She—?”

“She’s in my car, Ellie.”

Ellie's face bloomed red, like she was slapped.

“She was sobbing so hard I couldn’t even get the full story until halfway through a box of kleenex,” Dina added, now walking towards the little stack of your things by the bed — your hoodie, your extra phone charger, and the book you left here three nights ago when you were still planning your weekend with Ellie.

“Didn’t think you’d already be playing house with your ex, though.” Dina’s voice was tight now, rage buried just beneath the sarcasm.

Cat cleared her throat, leaning into Ellie like she had something to prove. “You don’t have to be rude, you know.”

Dina didn’t even look at Cat. “Oh, sweetie,” she muttered. “You’re not even important enough to be the main point.”

She grabbed the hoodie, the charger, your book and them all into a reusable grocery bag she brought just for this.

Ellie still hadn’t moved, still stunned, like if she stood still long enough the whole scene might go away.

“You fucked up, Ellie,” Dina said, her tone suddenly razor-sharp. “And she saw it coming. That’s the worst part. She fucking knew.”

Dina slung the bag over her shoulder. “Just thought you should know that she stopped crying.”

She turned towards the door.

“She’s not sad anymore,” Dina said over her shoulder. “She’s furious.”

Then she walked out.

Ellie stood there, stuck in the silence left behind.

The room smelled like Cat’s perfume.

Her body was still close, hands brushing Ellie’s ribs as she leaned in, clearly trying to reclaim the mood.

“So,” Cat purred, trying to sound playful, “now that the drama’s out of the way—”

“Stop.”

Ellie’s voice came out flat, cold.

Cat blinked. “What?”

Ellie pulled back.

Cat reached for her again.

“I said stop.” This time it was sharper.

Ellie shoved her hands away, not hard, but enough to make Cat reel slightly.

That was it, that was the moment it all clicked. The noise in Ellie’s head cut out, replaced by one thing, one thought;

You were in Dina’s car.

Not in Ellie's dorm.

Not in her bed, and not with her.

But downstairs, with Dina.

Probably parked outside already, eyes puffy, hoodie sleeves pulled over your hands, curled up in the passenger seat while Ellie was letting someone else touch her.

Her stomach turned.

She staggered back a step, like her body was just catching up to what it had done.

“I have to go,” Ellie muttered, grabbing her boots, not even lacing them.

“Ellie, what—?”

But she was already gone, yanking the door open, and sprinting into the hall.

Author's note: heyyyy.... how y'all doing 😛 I'm back from my unannounced hiatus LMAO. I was trying to lean into something angsty but it's really long so I'm breaking it into TWO parts. The second part will probably come out later this week (hopefully)...

God, you hated and worshipped Ellie at the same time. She was simultaneously the worst and best person you’ve ever met. You remember how infatuated with her you were when you were a senior in high school. She was the town’s local mechanic. The shop was owned by her step dad, Joel Miller, who did a lot for the school you attended. You would see her pretty often due to the shitbox you drove back then. You were only seventeen at the time so she never seemed too interested in you but would compliment you here and there when she wasn’t being dry. You thought she looked so cool with her oil covered hands, marlboro red stuck between her chapped lips, and camo jacket sleeves pushed up to her elbows to reveal her tattoos and randomly placed scars. You thought you were in over your head, trying so hard to catch her attention knowing she was bit of a whore who fucked women and pushed them aside. You’d wear short skirts that revealed your ass with the tiniest gust of wind and low cut crop tops. You’d linger around to watch her work on your engine, eyeing her skilled fingers and later touching yourself to the thought of them. You wanted her to really notice you and give you a chance, even if it meant she’d treat you how she did all the other women. Just a random fuck.

On your eighteenth birthday, you made sure you would run into her at some point during the day to let her know you were officially an adult. You remember being crushed when she laughed and rolled her eyes at you, informing you that you were still too young for her. But it didn’t stop you from getting what you wanted. You showed up pretty often at her job for six months after that until you got a new car. Ellie noticed your absence and went looking for you at your college. When she showed up to your dorm, it was from there the two of you formed a relationship. In the beginning, Ellie was quite gentle with you. It shocked you at first considering her reputation but you adored every second of it. You were fine if she used you too and Ellie knew that. After a while, that was what Ellie really loved most about you. How you were willing to try filthy things with Ellie just to please her, whether you liked it or not, and how you dressed how Ellie told you.

But Ellie always gets bored after a period of time, always needing something to happen so she isn’t in a routine. So she broke up with you right before your nineteenth birthday. To this day, your reaction to the news is still one of the best moments of Ellie’s life. You couldn’t stop blowing up her phone, begging her to come back. Showing up at her job and at her house just to ask her to tell you what you did wrong. It wasn’t until one day, you pushed past her and went straight to her bedroom, that she actually took you back. Walking in to see you fully undressed and on your knees waiting for her made her melt. You were wrapped around her finger completely and would do anything to please her. Even if it meant Ellie was just using you.

Once again, Ellie was acting strange. You knew this meant she was about to break up with you and you mentally started preparing yourself for it. You created scenarios in your head and created a script on what to say when she finally does it and how you would come back to her this time. You often considered just waiting for her to come to you but were too afraid that she wouldn’t. You needed her more than you’d like to admit and it’d kill you if she didn’t take you back or wanted you. 

Ellie took you to the bar to “dance,” she said. But you were left alone for a whole half hour, downing a variety of fruity cocktails until you could hardly see.

“Ellie,” you slurred under your breath, looking side to side to see if she was nearby. “Where the fuck are you?”

You stumbled out of your seat and stood up straight, pulling down on your skirt a bit before slowly walking through the crowd. You kept gently bumping into people which felt like you were being pushed due to how drunk you were. You’d hiccup out an apology before continuing your search. You stopped when you noticed a girl towered over another one against a wall, her hand brushing up and down the woman’s side. You thought your blurry eyes deceived you but from this distance, it looked like Ellie. Ellie was a lot of things but she sure as hell wasn’t a cheater. You began to tip toe over, too nervous for the unknown couple to see you so it wouldn’t seem as if you were being a creep if it wasn’t Ellie. But the more your eyes focused, you could see her camo jacket and messy short hair clearly. Your heart sank to your stomach, tears filling up your eyes and threatening to fall down. But the sadness that engulfed your heart quickly turned into anger. 

“Ellie!” you roared, catching her attention. She didn’t jump or seem surprised. She just sent you a sly smile while backing away from the girl who looked at you like you were crazy.

“Relax,” yelled Ellie calmly over the music. “We’re just talking. Making friendly conversation.”

“Yeah, too friendly!”

“What, I’m not allowed to talk to other people?”

“Who is that, Ellie? Your girlfriend?” the other girl questioned.

Ellie eyed you up and down with a smirk. Perfect, she thought. “Nah,” Ellie drawed out. “Just some chick.”

“Some chick? Some chick?!” you screeched. At this point, the whole bar was watching everything go down. Someone was already out looking for the shit security so they could put a stop to it.

“Yeah, some chick,” Ellie spat out at you. “Go get a ride home and leave me alone.”

Something took over you in that moment. You were used to Ellie’s little games but this was new. This was different. You didn’t care about the other toxic shit she did but this was unacceptable. You didn’t prepare yourself for this and was unsure what to do. Without a second thought, you charged towards her and back handed her so hard she lost her balance. She fell against the wall, her hand clutched to her cheek and eyes wide. You’ve never seen that expression on Ellie’s face before. She was so stoic, nonchalant and cool. You weren’t sure if it was hurt you were seeing or if she was impressed that you actually hit her.

“You wanna be that way, Ellie? Huh? Fine! I’ll leave you to it!”

Before you could say anything else, a pair of strong arms wrapped around you and picked you up. “Hey, let her go, you don’t have to do that asshole!” you heard Ellie shout from behind you. You were steady beating and kicking the man but he kept a firm grip on you. Before you knew it, you were on your back and you yelped out in pain. “What the fuck, man?”

You opened your eyes to see Ellie shoving the security man inside, hearing him say something about calling the police. Ellie turned towards you and kneeled down. “You okay?”

She tried helping you up but you shoved her hand off, getting up on your own and backing away from her. “Leave… me… alone! God, this is all your fault!”

Ellie’s face dropped in anger. “You’re the one who fucking hit me!”

“Whatever, Ellie! I don’t want to talk about this anymore! I want you out of my life!”

“Fine! I’ll call you an uber and I’ll stay the fuck out of your life!”

While the two of you sat on the ground waiting for your uber, Ellie kept thinking about how happy she was. You hitting her was the last thing she expected and she was proud of you for it. She almost wanted to backtrack and tell you to come home with her, that she’d make it all better. But that wouldn’t be fun. It’s better to see how long it takes for you to break down and come running back. And it didn’t take long at all. The longest time was two and a half days. She suspected you’d think about it and try to hold out for three. The uber finally arrived after what felt like forever. You walked slowly towards it in silence, refusing to look back at Ellie. But once you were in the car, you glanced out the tinted windows. You could’ve swore she was smiling. A real smile, not her usual smirks or pursing her lips together in an awkward “smile” if you could call it that. She genuinely looked happy.

-

Four days had passed since the incident. Ellie was starting to wonder where you were, why you hadn't showed up or called crying. She kept telling herself you were holding out as long as you could.

A week had passed, Ellie was starting to worry. This wasn’t like you. Ellie’s house felt so empty without you, she felt like she would go crazy any second. She started spending the days on the couch in the living room, watching the door carefully and waiting for you to burst through it.

Two weeks. For the first time since she was a kid, Ellie was distraught. Confused. Hurt. Where were you? She was fighting the urge to call and text you. Now, this wasn’t like Ellie. Real feelings, wanting to skip work to show up at your door and beg for you to come back. She’d get on her knees if you asked, she’d kiss your feet and try her best to reason with you. She was willing to feel uncomfortable in her own skin just to get you back. 

Three weeks, Ellie started calling your phone. The first time it immediately went to voicemail. Ellie slammed her phone down on the floor and watched it shatter. Fine, you don’t want to talk? You’ll never be able to reach her again. Now, you’ll have to show up and boy did she want you to show up. She had so many thoughts she needed to let out, she needed to blame you for this when deep down she knew it was her fault.

One month. Ellie had gotten a new phone and was now texting you off an app.

where the fuck are you???

why wont you come over

why would u block me

what the fuck

wheres my sweet girl

i need you.

The texts popping up on your phone concerned you. You knew it was Ellie. You were done with her for good but you weren’t expecting her to reach out to you ever. You were devastated, crying yourself to sleep every night wondering why you were never good enough for her. She was cold. You knew that before you got with her, why were you so stupid to keep trying to get her attention? You just wished you could go back in time and change everything. 

please baby

come home

“Who’s that?” your mother asked as she entered the room.

“Ellie… I think I should go see her,” you said with a sigh.

“Honey, when is enough enough?”

You ignored your mom, walking past her and heading towards your bedroom. You shoved on your shoes and grabbed your keys, once again ignoring your mom’s warnings as you left the house. Maybe it’ll be different this time. It had to be.

-

You parked in Ellie’s driveway, sitting there for a second after turning off the ignition to collect yourself. You weren’t sure what you were walking into. A part of you was excited to see Ellie. You missed her terribly. But the other part of you was scared. Could you control yourself and not fall back into her arms? Is it possible that you really can be independent and move on with your life? You stepped out of the car and made your way towards the door, reaching up to knock. You flinched when it swung open, revealing Ellie with a slight crazed look in her eye. When she saw you standing there, looking exhausted and sad, she let out a sigh of relief. “Baby,” she whispered, holding the door wide open so you could come in. You walked inside and passed her, ignoring her open arms. 

“Come here,” she spoke once again after shutting the door. “Please?”

“Ellie… I just wanted to check on you, that’s all. I wanted to see if you were okay.”

“I’m not okay. You didn’t come back to me. I thought something was wrong.”

“There is something wrong.”

“Tell me,” she breathed, rushing towards you and gently grabbing your face. Her thumb began to caress your cheek, a gesture she hasn’t done since the two of you first started going out. You clenched your eyes shut and let out a shaky breath. You so badly wanted to fall apart. Maybe she’d listen to you this time and comfort you. Maybe she would change. “Baby, please.”

“You were flirting with another girl, Ellie. There’s a lot I can tolerate, a lot I can handle, but not that”

“You know I didn’t mean it.”

“But it hurt me,” you responded, your voice cracking. A tear slipped down your face, Ellie quickly catching it with her thumb.

“I know, baby.”

“You ruined me…”

“Shh,” Ellie cooed, pulling your body against hers and resting her chin on your shoulder. “I know, baby. I know I did.”

“I don’t know why I’m this way,” you wept softly. “When is enough… enough?”

Ellie knew she finally did it this time. It made her heart ache. She was used to seeing you cry but this made her want to cry with you. She realized just how fucked in the head she was, hurting the only girl who ever truly loved her and looked past her flaws. Hurting the only girl she ever loved and still loves. Despite being together for years, Ellie couldn’t remember a time she told you that. It was always you saying it to her, Ellie responding with an “I know, me too.” But she can’t actually think of a time when she said it outright. She had to force herself to face her feelings if she wanted to keep you. She needed to stop playing her little games on you, pushing you away just to drag you along once you came crawling back. Ellie finally understood that she can’t live without you. And that meant having to change for you, do right by you, and be a better woman to you. You changed so much for her, it was only fair for her to do the same.

“You know I love you, right?” Ellie muttered. You froze, your grip on Ellie tightening.

“You… you wh-what?”

“I love you,” Ellie repeated. “I never say it but I do. I’m… an idiot.” She pulled away so she could look you in the eye. “I know I fuck up… a lot. I don’t want to do that again. I want to be better.”

You weren’t sure what to say. It meant a lot to hear that from Ellie. You knew she wouldn’t say it if she didn’t mean it, either. It was obvious to you from the beginning that Ellie was awkward discussing and being open about her feelings. Hell, most of the things you knew about her came from her step dad, Joel. She refused to talk about her past or talk about anything too personal. In all reality, you only knew the Ellie with the walls she built around herself. This was a huge step for her. And you wanted the wall to collapse even further. You wanted her to give herself completely to you as you’ve done with her.

You decided that words weren’t enough. Instead, you pressed your lips against hers, moaning softly at the contact. God, you missed her lips. Ellie’s arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. Her nails dug into your slightly exposed hip bone, causing you to whine. Soon enough, Ellie was picking you up and taking you to her bedroom. She threw you on the bed and crawled over you, eyes taking all of you in before stealing another kiss from you. The makeout session was sorta rough and messy, the two of you clawing at each other and groaning, desperate to be closer. 

“What do you need from me, baby?” Ellie asked between kisses.

“Hurt me… please, Ellie… hurt me.”

Ellie wasted no time grabbing a handful of your hair and yanking it back, forcing you to look at her. You moaned loudly, watching her carefully with your mouth hung open. She used her thumb to part your lips more before shoving it inside, making you suck and bite on her thumb.

“Do you think anyone else would have you if they knew how dirty you are?” Ellie asked in a condescending tone. You shook your head no. “Atta girl.” She pulled you towards her until you were sat up straight. She grabbed the bottom of your shirt and yanked it roughly over your head, throwing it down to the ground. You lifted up your hips to make it easier for Ellie to pull off your pants and underwear in one swift movement. “Fuck, baby. This mess for me?”

“Ellie-” Ellie cut you off with a slap before wrapping her hand around your throat, pressing the sides of your neck gently.

“All I need is a yes or no, got that?”

“Y-Yes,” you whined.

Ellie let you go and leaned forward to give you another kiss before shoving you back down. She hovered over you, her free hand travelling down your body until it reached your throbbing cunt. She pressed a finger against your clit, watching in awe as your body jolted from the contact. “You want more, pretty girl?”

“Please?”

Ellie smirked, bringing her fingers down to your entrance and pushing them in roughly. She placed her thumb on your clit and began rubbing in circles while her fingers slowly curled up inside you, going in and out. You arched your back in pleasure, groaning at the agonizingly slow pace she was going. It felt so good that you were almost lightheaded and the slow pace almost made it feel tortuous. 

“Fuck, I missed you like crazy. I was going insane without you. I was convinced I would die without you,” Ellie whispered in your ear. “I missed your pretty cunt. I missed how desperate you are for me. Are you still desperate for me?”

“Mmm, yes, Ellie, I-I am.”

“Hm.. I don’t think so. If you were, you would’ve been back in my bed weeks ago. You would’ve gotten this every night. Instead, you had your fingers and imagination and that’s just useless. It isn’t me.”

Ellie’s breathing grew heavy as she watched you get off on her fingers, your hips bucking up and down, needing for her to speed up. But she refused. She liked it better when you fucked yourself against her.

“You know I just wanted to piss you off. Tell me you know that, baby. Tell me.”

“I-I know, I know,” you moaned.

“No other woman could ever take your place. You’re my angel,” said Ellie. You opened your eyes to look at her, almost falling apart to see her eyes staring down at you with an unfamiliar softness. Something changed in Ellie while the two of you were apart. It was a good change. A change you hoped stayed.

“Fuck me, please E-Ellie. I need… I need to feel you inside me,” you mumbled out. “Please!”

Ellie wasted no time getting her fingers out of you, sucking them clean and moaning at the taste of you. She began to quickly undress herself, going to the drawer to take out the harness and toy. She slipped it on once she was finished putting it together and made her way towards you. She grabbed your hair, tugging it until you understood that she wanted you to stand up and get on your knees.

“Get it ready, baby,” she demanded, placing the tip of her strap on your bottom lip.

“But Ellie, I-I’m so wet already… please, I need you.”

Ellie gave you a quick yet harsh slap, shoving her fingers inside your mouth to open it. She pushed the strap inside, sighing at the sight of her cock in your mouth.

“I don’t care how wet you are, I just love facefucking you.”

You slowly bobbed your head back and forth, looking up at Ellie through your eyelashes. Ellie placed her hands on either side of your head and began to push you further down, thrusting her hips forward. The sight of you on your knees while Ellie fucks your face was enough for Ellie to believe she could cum by just watching you do this. She knew if she didn’t look away, she probably would. Especially when tears started to fill your eyes. She pulled it out, leaning down to your level to give you a sloppy kiss.

“You’re so beautiful,” Ellie said when she broke the kiss. “I want you to bend over at the edge of the bed, okay baby?”

“Yes ma’am,” you responded, receiving a good girl from Ellie. You stood up and went to the side of the bed, bending over and slightly arching your back. You felt Ellie’s hands caress your ass before giving it a smack. You jumped at the contact and moaned, shivering as a rush of excitement ran through you. You felt the tip of Ellie’s strap brush against your entrance. Ellie thrusted harshly into you, moaning out at the sound of you calling her name.

“Is this what you needed?” Ellie asked, pulling out to thrust into you harder.

“Fuck!” you whined, gripping onto the bed sheets.

Ellie began fucking you roughly, at a speed that was so unbearable yet you couldn’t get enough. “Is it? Hm? Is this what you needed?”

You tried to answer but couldn’t. The only thing you could do was whine louder, the feeling of Ellie’s cock slamming into you making your brain foggy. You could only focus on one thing at a time and answering a question was the last thing on your mind. Ellie wrapped both of her hands around your neck and pulled you back, forcing you to arch even more. You let out a whimper at the sudden contact, unable to breath as the blood rushed to your head.

“You can’t be a braindead whore already,” Ellie spat out. “Tell me this is what you needed or I’ll stop.”

“I.. needed… th-this,” you gasped out, squeezing your eyes shut as you started to feel lightheaded. Ellie let go, smirking as you took a deep breath, your head dropping to the mattress from feeling too heavy. You could hardly think or even feel relief from being able to breathe again. Ellie wasn’t letting up, only fucking you harder and deeper that you were convinced she would tear you apart. The room was filled with the most obscene, filthiest noises. If anyone were to walk by the house, they’d probably think someone was watching porn on full volume. Or that someone was getting murdered.

“That’s it, sweet girl,” Ellie praised. “Taking every inch of my cock so well.”

You felt your legs start to wobble, unable to hold yourself up from how weak you were getting. “E-Ellie, please, I can’t hold m-myself up… anymore… please!”

“You can take it baby, I know you can,” Ellie encouraged you. But you couldn’t. You really couldn’t. You barely raised your head just enough to catch a glimpse of you and Ellie in the mirror in front of you. Fuck, the expression on her face as she fucked you made you whine even more. You couldn’t take your eyes off of her, glancing back and forth between her face and her tits bouncing. It wasn’t long until you felt close, your moans getting raspy as your voice gave out, your breathing uneven and legs trembling.

Ellie grabbed your hair and yanked your head up, forcing you to make eye contact with her through the mirror. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against your ear, kissing it softly and biting it afterwards. “I want you to watch yourself come undone for me,” she whispered. “Hold on a little longer. You’ve been taking my cock so well, keep going, baby.”

“I-I c-can’t!”

“Yes you can, don’t think about anything else. Just let go, I’ll keep you up.”

In a swift movement, Ellie pushed you forward slightly so that your left knee was on the mattress and grabbed your right leg to hold against her hip. While it relieved you to be off your feet, this new and strange position only made her go deeper. You cried out in pleasure, almost going crazy feeling your orgasm build up. You were so desperate for release, ready to collapse onto the bed and catch your breath. Ellie kept your head held up by your hair, her nails digging into your right thigh as she picked up the pace. It wasn’t only but a few seconds after that that you were cumming, screaming out her name and attempting to pull yourself away from Ellie by clawing at the bedsheets. Ellie let go of your hair and leg, wrapping her arms around your waist and pulling you back so that her cock was fully in you again. It was unbearable feeling her still thrusting inside of you, riding out your high.

“Don’t fight it, baby,” she said.

You gave up and crumbled beneath her, letting her slowly thrust into you as you started to come down. “Just like that… good girl.”

Ellie finally pulled out but kept her arms around you, picking you up and setting you on your feet. She turned you around to kiss you, her tongue going in circles around yours. She laid you down onto the bed and broke the kiss to lay next to you.

“Fuck,” you whined out, receiving a chuckle from Ellie. “I thought you were going to kill me.”

“You’re dramatic,” Ellie said with a playful scoff. “I fuck you that hard all the time.”

“Not… like that.”

“Mhm, like that.”

Ellie pulled you against her side, your head now resting on her bare chest. You focused on her heartbeat and smiled. You missed the sound of her heart beating. It soothed you to sleep every night. As if you were conditioned to it, you felt your eyes grow heavy and shut them, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep.

“Hey, did I say I was done?”

Your eyes shot open. Before you knew it, Ellie was pulling you on top of her. “I’m sleepy, Ellie,” you said with a yawn.

“I’ll let you sleep in a minute… I want you to ride me. You haven’t in so long. I know you can take it.”

Even though you wanted nothing more than to ride her, you were pretty convinced that you wouldn’t be able to. You were so weak from before, just now catching your breath.

“You know I’m not gonna push you if you can’t take it,” Ellie reassured. “But if you really think you can’t right now, that’s okay. I’ll hold you while you sleep.”

You gave Ellie a sleepy smile before bringing your hips up and lining the tip of her strap to your entrance. Ellie’s eyes widened. She wasn’t expecting that. She thought you would lay back down. She watched in awe as you slid down her length, whining out at the feeling of her filling you up once again. 

“My sweet girl,” Ellie whispered. “No matter how tired you are, you just can’t get enough of my cock, can you?”

You hummed out a response, slowly bouncing up and down on her strap. Your legs trembled as you tried picking up the pace.

“Hey, c’mere,” Ellie held out her arms, letting you lay down on her chest. “We can go as slow as you’d like.”

You nestled your face in Ellie’s neck as you slowly rocked your hips back and forth, whimpering softly as her tip brushed against your cervix. It was sore but so sensitive, enough to already send you over the edge again. But you didn’t want that yet. This softness Ellie had in her all of the sudden made you want to ride this out as long as you could. Even when you lost her virginity to her, she was gentle but not intimate whatsoever. But this was. You could feel the warmth in your chest growing more and more, loving this new feeling. You were so used to everything else that you never thought you’d want it to be this way. But with Ellie’s hands on your hips guiding you up and down slowly as she pressed kisses along your temple every now and then made you pray that something like this could happen again. You loved the pain Ellie made you feel, you loved being nothing but her fucktoy. But now, especially now, you knew you would need and want this too sometimes.

“Does it hurt?” Ellie asked, bringing one of her hands up your spine all the way to the back of your head. She caressed it gently, making you lift your head up and make eye contact with her. Her brows furrowed at the sight of tears in your eyes. “Wait, is this too much?”

“N-No,” you stuttered. “This is perfect. It’s… new.”

Ellie smiled. You grinned back at her, leaning down to kiss her softly. “I l-love you, Ellie.”

In the bar, with your hand clutching your cold, cheap cocktail, you walked with her in the direction of Ellie. Abby had her eyes set on her friend group, so she didn’t realize you were slowing down. “I’ll catch up with you…”

“Oh—“ She looked down, seeing the table of three practically gawking at her. Abby made a face that was unreadable. “Don’t make me have to come and find you.” She purred in your ear, slipping her arm from around your shoulders. Abby was such a show off when she wanted to be, which was more often than not.

An uncomfortable smile rested on your lips, hand waving, shortly, to the three sat at the rocky table. Ellie looked completely taken aback, leaning forward on her elbows. “Who the fuck was that?” Ellie whispered as you slipped into the seat she saved for you. Her jacket was placed on the back of your seat, holding it for you.

“Hey, y/n!” Jesse spoke, grinning ear to ear, leaning back in his wooden chair.

“y/n,” Dina said, plastering a fake smile on her glossy lips.

Jesse snickered, taking a sip of his beer. “Is that all you? Goddamn.”

“She’s just a friend from New York…” You waved a hand, dismissively.

“We just watched her feel you up and buy you a drink. Some friend she is.” Ellie countered, glancing over her shoulder at the tall, muscular blonde sitting with her friends. And, weirdly enough, Abby had her eyes on her, too.

You scoffed, holding up a hand. “Okay, she didn’t feel me up. Just forget it.” Shaking your head, you replaced that stern look on your face with a smile. “Anyway, how are you guys? It’s been a long time.” You wrap your lips around the straw sticking out of your drink. The sweet tangy flavor of the alcohol mixed with cranberry juice spreading over your tongue—easing your worries.

He glanced at Ellie, briefly. So fast, you almost missed it. Almost. “I’m doing good. Just moved into my new place in Boston. How about you, Dina?” Jesse raised an eyebrow, nudging her arm.

She stirred the ice in her water with her straw, raising a thick eyebrow. “I’m great.” Dina responded, simply.

“Great.” You say, sipping your drink, awkwardly.

There was silence between the four of you that could only be classified as awkward, uncomfortable and tense. Ellie boring her big eyes into the side of your face as you, purposely, ignored her. Dina no longer having a reason to speak because of your sudden appearance. And, Jesse, well… He was normal. If anything he was trying to fight the demon that was the awkward silence.

Ellie shook her head, a scoff falling from her lips. Abruptly, she stood up, walking over to the bar. Even though her beer was barely touched. “What’s wrong with her?” You mutter, watching her get up. She motioned for the bartender, and you watched them fill up a shot glass. Her slender frame leaned over the bar top, on her toes. Pale skin exposed between the belt holding up her jeans and the hem of her shirt. You couldn’t help but let your eyes linger there—places you’ve touched with the pads of your fingers…

“I don’t know… But, I’m curious. Be right back.” Jesse stood to his feet, taking his beer with him. Leaving, none other than, you and Dina left alone.

Chewing your lip, you slide your drink forward, looking her in the eye. Perhaps, it was the liquid courage settling in your muscles. “Things shouldn’t be weird between us… Ellie wanted me here.” You felt the need to defend your place. Ever since that day, she always seen you as some predatory figure—now, that you think of it… She had even before that day. Just did a better job at hiding it. You were the predatory animal chasing over your gullible and prancing prey—Ellie

“Yeah, and sometimes she doesn’t know what’s good for her. So… I’m sure she did.”

Ouch.

You physically coiled at her words. A dry, pissed scoff fell from your lips. “Fuck you, Dina.” You cursed, leaning back in your chair. Ellie could never do wrong in her eyes—it was obnoxious. Did she have a crush on her or something?

She dryly laughed, shaking her head. “Fuck me?” Dina raised an eyebrow. “Look at her!” She jutted her brown eyes in her direction. “Every time you’re around, she ends up looking that. A wilted fucking flower.” She scolded you, causing you to follow her eyes. Jesse spoke to her with intent eyes. Ellie ran her hands through her hair, eyes shifting side to side. You didn’t know what they were talking about, but it seemed serious. “Just face it, y/n… You’re the common denominator here.”

The common denominator. What an interesting choice of words.

“She’d probably have a better night if you just leave. Go home. Let blondie over there take you home… Or a taxi. I don’t care.” Dina turned her face from you, like you were nothing.

Your hands began to shake and tremble from her words. The muscles in your face twitched and heated up like a furnace—eyes welling up with pained tears. You sniffled, standing up from your chair. Trying every which way not to make a fuss—saving face. She was always such a bitch! So, instead, you rushed to the bathroom with the stiffest posture. Heels stalking by Ellie and Jesse with eyes set on the women’s restroom to unleash your fury.

It was like a gust of wind passing her, Ellie’s words trailed as she unloaded onto Jesse about where her minds been. He was, probably, the only person she could even share it with. Dina didn’t like you very much, she was too emotionally involved. Jesse wasn’t bias and could give her proper advice—it was just up to Ellie if she wanted to follow it or not.

Ellie confessed that the feelings she had for you hadn’t gone away. Something he already knew. But she explained it like an act of a possession—as if the softness of your skin, the beauty of your features, the smell that exuded from you was a spooky presence that just won’t leave her alone. A poltergeist. It was becoming a carnal need the more she saw you.

But what about Cat?

What about her?

Then, on cue, you passed her. Ellie only caught a glimpse of your face. Jaw trembling, the sound of your emotional hiccups. Immediately, her olive eyes shifted to the young woman left at the table. She clenched her jaw, shaking her in disapproval. “Jesse, can you get a fucking handle on her?”

“Easy, Ellie. Don’t talk about her like that. She’s just looking out for you— or trying to.” He told, shifting on his feet. “…And she’s pregnant.”

Her eyes widened. “What?!” Jesse motioned for her to whisper.

“Shh! I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Dina’ll kill me.”

“You guys aren’t even together—“ Ellie pinched the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut. “Congratulations.” She intoned, running her hand through her hand. “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna go check on—“

“Yeah, go ahead. I’ll talk to Dina.”

Meanwhile, you paced around the single person bathroom. Purse thrown to the ground, makeup smudged down your cheeks. Fists clenched at your sides, and every few minutes pounding a spot on your thigh that inflicted enough pain to briefly distract you from the pain inflicted on your heart. Dina doesn’t understand! You’re not a bad person for what happened that day. When will Ellie get the heat for what happened? Why does it always have to be you? It was always your fault.

So much time has passed, meaning you’ve thought about the altercation for a long time. Hell, it was all you thought about at times. You should’ve never put your hands on Ellie that way—you knew that. But, she shouldn’t have pushed you to do it either. That was her mistake. Pushing and prodding at someone she claimed to love. Ellie was aware of that, too. She wrote about it in that letter she hand delivered on her eighteenth birthday.

Wringing your hands out, you heaved. Emotions still weighing heavy on your heart. Her words cut you like a knife—triggering you. Before you met Tommy and Maria Miller, life was so much harder. Everything was your fault and your birth parents—and the numerous foster parents that you had—made sure that you knew that. It wasn’t fair then, and it wasn’t fair now.

What stopped your progressing thoughts was the gentle call of your name, and a soft knock. It was Ellie.

“Go away!” You sniffled, leaning over the sticky sink to get a look at your appearance. It was a tragedy.

“Please, just let me in. I don’t know what Dina said… But, I’m sure it was fucked up— look, she has her reasons.”

“She has her reasons—?!” You exclaim, looking at the door through the reflection.

“But that doesn’t make it right. I know.” You heard her lean against the door. “Please, y/n.”

Wiping your face, you sighed. Sniffling, you walked over to unlock the door, gulping. “It’s unlocked…” You spoke, weakly. Positioning yourself with your back against the sink, you crossed your arms. Watching her push inside the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Ellie pressed her back against the door, observing you with the softest pair of green eyes you’ve ever seen. It was charming. Through her thick eyelashes, pelvis leaning forward—like she was a child in trouble.

“I’m so sorry about Dina. I should’ve never invited you… I just thought things would be different.” She frowned, fiddling with her fingers in front of her body. Her fingernails had chipped black nail polish on them; focusing on that was easier than focusing on her.

“Well…” You dryly chuckled. “You thought wrong.” Slowly, you drag your eyes from her hands, to her face—avoiding her eyes, though. “Apparently, you’d be better off if I left… Or died; if it were Dina’s way.” Your voice trembled, tears falling from the corners of your eyes. Dina didn’t tell you to die, but that’s what her tone told you. All you were doing was existing. If that’s what stressed Ellie out then… Fuck. Maybe you should just croak, huh?

Ellie ran her hands over her face, taking quick steps towards you. “Fuck— I don’t know why she said that.” Her hand ran through her straight hair, frustrated at herself and Dina. “I—… I do want you here. She doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about.” She reaches a hand out for you, but you flinch. There was a slight height difference to the pair of you—your heels caused you to look down at her. But, you weren’t looking down on her.

She was close enough for you to notice the orange-brown flecks in her irises. The ones you missed… So much, and desired wholly. However, you pushed yourself into the ceramic sink, fighting temptation. “Don’t tell me you actually believe what she said?” Her doe eyes looked up at you, demanding a response.

“I don’t know… It’s more than that, Ellie.” You analyze her features as inconspicuously as you could—which wasn’t possible. She noticed everything because she was doing the same thing.

Your bodies drew to each other like the opposite sides of conjoined magnets. Eyes intertwining and overcoming like they always did. Tensions were high, and you were in an enclosed space—your stomach rumbled with anticipation. “Tell me what it is, then.” The feeling of her fingers sliding up the curve of your elbow caused you huff, moving to the toilet to sit down. Cold air replacing where her fingers attempted to tether to you.

Ellie sighed, bunching her hand into a fist at her side. She knew what she was doing—after all, she was a pusher. It was hard to identity when to stop.

You dropped your head into your hands, forcing even breath from your lips. “It’s just… Old shit, okay? Dina struck a nerve.” You glanced at her through your hands, lips quivering.

Ellie took your previous spot, pondering. She knew about your life before your parents—how awful those people treated you; and she couldn’t understand why. You were a scorned person, like most of the kids you grew up with, but underneath it all you were soft. She’s witnessed that softness. And she will regret it for the rest of her life that she was the one to pull you from that that—all for dumb proof of trauma.

She realized too late that she was never alone in that traumatic suffering of the adoption system. After that day, she never wanted to see you hurt like that again. Or at all. Ellie wanted to make everything up to you.

Seeing those tears staining your cheeks; she wanted to kiss it better.

“I’ll talk to her.” The words fled from her mouth. Her old converse squeaked toward you, squatting before your sat figure on the filthy toilet. You turned your head, shutting your eyes and shivering at the thought of her. “Hey,” Her fingers grazed your jaw, pulling your eyes into her line of sight. “I will. She crossed the line— this isn’t my favorite version of you.” Her eyebrows deepened, pressing her lips into a firm line. She wanted to be level with you—not above or below.

Those words were music to your ears. Supple in its raspiness. The warm touch of her fingers on your face, you leaned into her hand. She had a favorite version of you? You reached up, gently gripping her wrist to pull it from you. Ellie shouldn’t have been touching you like this. But, even so, your bodies somehow gravitated toward one another. Eyes staring at each others parted lips, wanting. Needing. Her hand bracing on your thigh, pulling herself closer until your lips met.

Soft and forbidden. You gasped against her mouth, pulling away for a brief moment. Her olive eyes were pleading, and you just couldn’t say no. Being a victim of your flesh, your hand found its way to the back of her neck to pull her lips flush to yours. Mixed whines coming from the both of you; lips merging and meshing together. Creating something beautiful.

Every time you were physical with someone they were missing something. This was it! The passion, the history—the things that matter. The fucking chemistry; it was all there with Ellie. And, deep down, you knew that it was the only place you were going to find it.

She pushed into you, being guided by her carnal desire. Whining and growling into your mouth. Hands gripping at your hips, and the side of your backside. Ellie was hooked under a spell you concocted—some aphrodisiac that exuded from you. And she wanted to breathe more of you in until she couldn’t anymore. She was gluttonous.

Breaking her trance was a rough knock on the bathroom door. The two of you basically jumped apart; you falling into the toilet, nearly touching the water, her falling on the floor. Some of the glitter on your lips had rubbed off onto hers—it looked nice on her, but that was besides the point.

“Some people need to piss! Get out of the fucking bathroom!” Some heavy handed woman exclaimed from the other side.

A smile spread on her lips, hazy eyes watching as you pulled yourself up. “Fuck, Ellie. Why are you smiling?” You walk to the mirror, taking a look at yourself. You and Ellie had just kissed. The same Ellie who’s girlfriend is waiting for her back at the guesthouse. The pressure was already hitting you like a ton of bricks—Ellie was right, you had a terrible poker face. How could you forget about this? “Can you hand me that?” You pointed to the purse beside her.

She chuckled, standing up from the floor. Your purse was in her hand as she walked up behind you, handing it over. Her other snaking around your hips—clearly, still overcome. Taking the purse, you smack her hand away. “Enough!” You scold, deepening your eyebrows. She pouted, crossing her arms. Leaning her back against the wall, shutting her eyes. But it was soon replaced with a smirk.

Your fingers rummaged through your purse for your lipgloss. “This didn’t happen… This never happened…” You muttered to yourself. Once you found the sparkling tube, you began to apply it like a nervous tick. “I still don’t know what you keep finding so funny— nobody can find out about this, Ellie.” You turn to her, dropping your lipgloss back into your purse. “What just happened isn’t fucking funny—“

You were a homewrecker, a thief of girlfriends—watch out New York!

“You’re spiraling.”

“Yeah, and I have every reason to. This isn’t me. I’m not this person. You have a girlfriend!”

Ellie watched you ramble with a look of in awe in her eyes—you were fucked, and so was she. “I remember…” She couldn’t compel herself to care about the repercussions of hr actions; Ellie just wanted you. Even more now than before. She was given an inch, and she was ready to take a mile. Perhaps, longer if that was possible. Your ethics only made her want you more.

The glitter on her lips distracted you, causing you to reach your thumbs near her lips to wipe away the signs of you. Her wide eyes looked up at you, hands wrapping around your wrists. Where did she learn this type of behavior from? VHS porn?“Ellie, will you quit it?!” You stomped your foot, squeezing your eyes. “Fuck me.” You whisper to yourself, adjusting your purse.

“I’ll see you at home…” You mutter, placing your hand on the door handle.

“Am I not driving you?”

“No. You’re gonna stay here, mingle—fuck, I don’t care.” You shook your head. “Abby’s gonna take me home.” The words rushed from your lips because you were thinking and speaking at the same time. You needed an alibi and that’s what Abby was going to be.

The auburn-haired woman rolled her eyes, scoffing under her breath. Jealousy peaking inside of her like it did earlier. “Abby. Abby… The buff blonde you walked into the bar with— the one who was feelin’ you up.” She popped the p sound, nodding her head with searching eyes.

“She wasn’t feeling me up. I don’t think you know what feeling up looks like.”

“Show me, then.”

Your jaw almost dropped from its hinges, gasping at the woman before you. She was shameless, and you were the complete opposite—it was a recipe for disaster. “Like I said… I’ll see you at home.” You opened the door, slipping through to allow her some privacy. The people must’ve opted for the men’s restroom. Fucking freak. You thought, fighting the amused smile off your lips.

Adjusting your top, you approached Abby’s booth. She was surrounded by familiar faces—you knew them-ish. “Abs, can I talk to you for a second?” She looked up at you, blinking with slight confusion at your state.

“Oh, hi, y/n!” A short-haired woman grinned, wiggling her fingers at you.

You smiled at her, while Abby shimmied out of the booth. Taking her hand, you led her away from her friends, keeping her large hand in yours as you began to speak. “I know it’s early, but could you take me home? Like, now?”

She deepened her eyebrows, a hand dropping to your face, wiping at the mascara stains that had run down your cheeks. “Are these tears?” She bunched her eyebrows, gripping your chin and moving your head side to side. “I saw you run to the bathroom—“

“It’s not important, all right?” Your eyes peer up at the blonde woman, pressing your lips into a line. Pleading and batting your eyes at her—you really wanted to go home. And you weren’t necessarily doing it for Dina, it was more so because of her. As well as the fact that you had just made out with a woman who was spoken for. Whose girlfriend who is only ten minutes away, and who also offered to get champagne for Thanksgiving after you mentioned its absence. It was currently, probably, chilling in the fridge as all of this unfolded.

While you semi-sensually begged the woman to drive you home in her Jaguar, Ellie had gotten herself together in the bathroom. After you left, she released a joyful laugh once the door shut behind you. As if she had finished with making out with the hottest girl in school—very teenage-like. Her cheeks were flushed, blushing a warm mahogany through her freckles. You wanted her just as much as she wanted you; the kid proved that much.

But, then, a pang of guilt settled in the pit of her stomach. A fragment. Very small and minuscule.

It wasn’t right away; Ellie was certain that you thought of her to be cold based on how she was handling the situation. She had a girlfriend and found the situation amusing? You’re right—nothing was funny about what happened before you fell into the toilet and before she fell onto the floor. The both of you had managed to dig yourselves into a hole that she didn’t want to get out of. And she was sure you felt the same—she hoped you felt the same. Holes were fun, right?

Ellie wanted to keep digging deeper, and deeper, and deeper. She wanted to envelop herself with you, just like she used to. However, this time, she wasn’t planning on letting you go.

Cat was just something—someone she had to deal with in the meantime. She’s gonna fix it… Ellie just doesn’t know how, right now. She can’t think straight. Pun intended.

Leaving the bathroom, she checked her cell. Noticing the few messages her girlfriend had left her during the short period of time she had you to herself. Her avoidant nature caused her to skim them, then slap her phone shut.

“Everything good?” Jesse questioned, watching as she approached the table.

Ellie shoved her phone into her front pocket. “Yeah… Everything’s fine.” Her olive eyes averted to Dina. “Dude…?” She squinted her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Els. I went too far, I know.”

“I’m glad you know.” She sat in her chair, glancing over at you talking to the buff blonde. “What you said was fucked up, and I should be more mad at you, right now…”

She sighed, pouting her lips. “Well, thank you for your mercy, sire.” A smile creeped onto her lips.

“Dina,” Ellie narrowed her eyes, shaking her head.

Jesse side-eyed her, pressing his lips into an unimpressed line. She looked over at him, lips parting. “Just tryin’ to lighten up the mood. Excuse me.” Dina deepened her eyebrows, sliding down in her chair.

Ellie chortled, shaking her head once more, making sure to swing it far to get a glance at you. She watched you follow Abby back to her booth, telling them that you were leaving. Her hand guiding you, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. Fuck, that should’ve been Ellie. She hated watching you lean into her like that—shrinking yourself. That wasn’t you.

You were bold, opinionated, and despite your strict upbringing, you never shrunk. If anything, Maria and Tommy’s parenting gave you confidence. That used to intimidate Ellie, but it didn’t anymore. It influenced her.

As you walked out with Abby, Ellie gave an awkward wave, but you snapped your head in the other direction. You needed to clean your pallet, and that’s exactly what you were planning to do in that shiny black Jaguar.

When the door opened, the brisk, autumn air hit you, cooling your body down. But your mind was still set on using Abby as a cleanser—a handkerchief to wipe you of your mistakes.

You feigned a straightforward destination, giving her the address of your childhood home. But, halfway, you told her to pull over onto a dark dirt path. She made a joke, asking: Is this where you kill me and steal my car?

And you respond, full of need: I don’t want your stupid fucking car. I want you. Launching yourself over the center console, wrapping your arms around her face. You swing one of your legs over to straddle her in the driver’s seat. Hips grinding against her, shoving your tongue down her throat like she was going to leave you. Although, she wasn’t going anywhere—not with you on her lap, anyway.

Abby groaned into your mouth, gripping your ass over your jeans, pushing you harder against her. Messily, you begin to trail your lips down her jaw, toward the softness of her neck. Urgently nibbling at her skin. “Fuck, you’re eager…” Abby muttered through her heavy breathing. “I like this version of you.”

This isn’t my favorite version of you. Ellie’s voice echoed in your head. It frustrated you.

Warmth built up under the crotch of your jeans; the thick seam doing very little for the pleasure you wanted. “Please, Abby…” You breathed into her ear, tugging at the silver ring through her cartilage. “Touch me.” Reaching for her hand, you place between your legs, cupping her hand as she groped you. Meeting her eyes, you taunted her, chewing on your bottom lip.

The blonde didn’t hesitate, unbuttoning your jeans and shoving her hand inside. She was always quick to give rather than receive—listening to any command you spoke. As the pads of her fingers contact with where you needed her the most, you sighed. “You’re so wet for me already…”

It was debatable whether it was for her or not. With your eyes squeezed shut, you imagined the earthy, olive eyes of your past lover. The softness of the her lips. The desperation in which she put her all into pleasing you—it was experienced before. But, at that point, you were amateurs. So much has changed since then. You were curious how much, though. “All for you.” You whined, rocking your hips against her hand. Lying through your teeth.

She pressed two fingers into you, pushing a moan from your throat. Hands gripping her shoulders, bracing your weight. You imagined them to be her fingers curling deep inside of you—pulling sounds from you like a puppeteer.

You were worser than you thought.

Abby was supposed to be a pallet cleanser, but instead she was just a vessel for your horny fantasies.

The palm of her hand rubbed against your clit, pushing you closer to an edge you wanted to fall off of. A tightness built in the pit of your stomach—burning like a prosperous flame; standing by to erupt. “Ah… Fuck, yes!” You lewdly affirmed, fingers gripping the roots of her hair, back arching into her. The smell of lavender shampoo wafting into your nose from how close you were.

Ellie would never wash her hair with lavender shampoo. She stuck to sweeter, muskier smells. The one’s you liked.

Your legs trembled around her hips, jolting with every stroke and thrust. Her ministrations intensifying causing the sounds from your lips to get louder, laced with desire. “Abby,” You trembled with a warning tone. “I’m g—gonna… Fuck, I’m comi—“ Your choppy words are cut off with the snapping of a band in your stomach—spreading over you like a brisk gust of wind. Shocking your body into a brief state of paralysis against her strong frame.

She coax’s you through your orgasm, with that same come hither motion that got you there to begin with. Although, she was so quiet. That’s when clarity hit you, as you shakily rocked against her hand. Reaching down, you grip her wrist, kissing the pressure point under her ear. “Can you check the time f’me?” You sweetly ask, still subtly, rutting against her.

Abby checked the watch on her wrist. “Eleven-something.” She hummed into your neck.

“Eleven-somethin’, huh?” You tease, lifting off her, trying to settle back into the passenger seat. “I should probably get home…” You zipped and buttoned your pants. Normally, you’d be eager to return the favor, but your plan didn’t work—and, frankly, that irritated you. That nerdy, auburn-haired, freckled woman, that you knew so well, had burrowed herself under your skin already. It was a recipe for disaster.

There was a twitch in Abby’s brow at your sudden departure from her. She felt that bite of coldness; it was something she wasn’t used to. Nonetheless, she drove you home. With you leaning on the window, watching dark, shedding trees pass you by. All the way until you felt that familiar shift from side to side as you cruised over the gravel that led to your childhood home.

“How long are you gonna be here for?” You asked as she pulled to a stop, where Ellie’s car was previously parked. It was out of courtesy to wonder; these parts of town wasn’t really for people like her.

“Until the end of the week, then back to work.” She turned toward you, pushing her hair behind her ear. “When am I gonna see you again?” Record scratch. Abby Anderson has never asked you that. She was always aloof and carefree. I’m too busy. Let me check my schedule.

You couldn’t help the laugh that fell from your lips. “I’m really tying to spend some time with my family, but— uhm… I’ll call you, okay?” Leaning over the console, you place a lush smooch on her lips—riding on the confidence from her lack thereof.

Getting out of her expensive car, you adjust your clothing before walking into your house. Thankfully, the lights were off, meaning your parents were asleep. Thank, God. You looked awful, and you preferred not to be questioned on your state, Ellie’s whereabouts, and who took you home.

Gently, you shut the door behind you, keys jiggling in your hand. Slipping out of your heels, you tiptoed toward the fridge just to prove something to yourself. The white light from the fridge illuminated your deadpanned expression as two tall bottles of champagne sat on the second shelf. Nobody likes champagne that much. You rolled your eyes, scoffing under your breath.

Cat didn’t deserve any of what happened tonight, and you hated that.

When you got to your bedroom, you wasted no time to peel the clothes from your body. Falling atop of your mattress like a starfish. Before you slipped under the covers, you pulled your laptop onto your stomach to log into your MySpace. There was a red notification on your activity icon. When you click on it, StarlightWilliams had added you back—you were mutuals now. The pads of your fingers touched your lips, remembering the softness of hers from that moment in the bathroom. The pressure of her slender fingers gripping your sides—wistfully you sighed, slumping your head against the fluffy pillows and stuffed animals against your headboard.

Suddenly, your computer makes a sound—a ping. You sit up, squinting at the incoming notification.

kit_cat79 wants to be your friend!

What a coincidence. The website exposes whether you were online or not—you couldn’t hide from her. So, you decided to add her back. Cat’s picture was of her with her tongue out, dark bangs styled to the side. You didn’t realize that she had a tongue piercing—could she get any cooler? Maybe you should get a tongue piercing.

Her mood hadn’t been recently updated, but it was: Optimistic.

Her bio didn’t over explain much, but said more than her freckled counterpart: my name is cat and i do tattoo’s !! message me for inquiries (or ur a loser). Your eyes and cursor skimmed her account, not paying attention to the smaller details. Quickly, you navigated to the pictures and videos. There were some pieces of her work, candids of Ellie, pictures of her at band shows—

kit_cat79: hey… i know it’s late, but that was you who just got back, right?

The messages appeared at the bottom left corner of the screen, blinking green.

BugsWritersRoom: Hey, yeah. That was me…

Duh.

kit_cat79: i thought you went with ellie in her truck. also… where is she? she’s not answering my texts.

Was she worried about her? Or was her questioning coming from a place of distrust? Or, a secret third option... you had a bad case of paranoia.

BugsWritersRoom: She’s still at TB. I’m sure she’s just distracted catching up with Jesse and Dina.

kit_cat79: oh…

kit_cat79: that was some car you pulled up in...

She was wanting to start conversation, but you were too tired. You didn’t want to think about, or talk to another person about Abby. Let alone, talk about her with Cat. No offense. Sleep is the only time when your mind was going to finally rest, and you can resume thinking tomorrow.

Leaving her message on seen, you shut your laptop, pushing it to the side. You took Cat’s message as a sign to shut it down, reaching to click your lamp off.

You allowed sleep to take over, cuddling into your pillows as if it were a body. Hitching your leg over it, tugging it to your chest. Could you have been more evident in your loneliness? In your restless dreams, your brain scoured for something to show you. Something relevant, of course.

Olive eyes, freckles, prominent beauty mark—it was obvious what images it was looking for. Ellie.

By the time the sun lingered on the horizon, a tragic alarming song sang in unison to wake you—the sound of your ancient alarm, and the sound of the rooster sat atop of the chicken coop. Groaning into the pillow you held, squinting your eyes open. It had pulled you from a dream that was… Certainly, a dream. It was untoward, lewd; just straight up nasty.

There was a wetness between your legs that was the first to get your attention. Out of shameful curiosity, you reached your hand under your shorts; hoping it wasn’t your period suprising you. Pulling your fingers out, there was an absence of the dark hue that was a symbol of your menstrual cycle. It was fairly clear, shiny, and slick. You were a victim of a wet dream. How juvenile.

The sight of it only made your hornier. So, while you still had time, you jumped for one of the bags you brought. You were expected for morning chores, but there was always time to rub one out.

Taking the battery-powered silver bullet from you bag, you attempt to switch it on but it doesn’t respond. You even switch the batteries around, blowing into the port. “Come on…” You complain, but it still it doesn’t adhere to you.

You groan, falling back into your pillows. There was nothing wrong with going old school, but you were a creature of habit.

Sliding your hand down your body, you slip under your shorts and underwear. It didn’t take long for you to completely rouse yourself, blinking your eyes shut to fall into your imagination. Usually, the best material was your most recent hookup—or some celebrity crush that you couldn’t get over.

The movement of your finger mirrored a strong blonde who always aimed to please you. You could imagine yourself gripping her long, silky hair, pushing her into your pussy—devouring you. Feeling her hands gripping your thighs, anchoring them to the mattress.

You relished in the feeling that was slowly washing over you. So much so that when the image of blonde hair began to fade and be replaced by short auburn strands, you barely noticed. Subconsciously, replicating the dream that kept you snug as a bug all through the night.

Your ministrations quickened as you neared finality. Bottom lip slipping between your teeth. Soft, repressed moans sneaking through them as your hand clutched your breast, thumbing your sensitive nipple. The serotonin levels increasing with every swipe and slide. Fuck, El—

Downstairs, the artist peeled dried paint from her fingers, waiting for you. Staying out late knowing she had to get up for chores was a huge mistake. There were many mistakes that happened last night. Another being, ignoring Cat’s messages. Ellie pulled into the driveway not too much later than you—it was nearing one o’clock.

When she entered the guesthouse, shrugging off her jacket—with a mind busier than New York City herself—Cat was found in the small living room. With her thin eyebrows bunched together and her arms crossed over her chest. Dressed in nothing but a fitted tank top and cheeky underwear.

Ellie had looked at her with a stressed look, “What are you still doing up?” Walking past her to the bedroom to undress and unwind. Cat scoffed, following her to the bedroom. Slippered feet stomping behind the artist.

“What am I doing up?!” She chided, twitching toward her. “I’ve been texting you all night, Ellie. You couldn’t respond to one?”

The freckled woman plopped onto her side of the bed, kicking off her shoes. She pretty much saw the messages as they were coming in; Ellie just didn’t have the nerve to respond. She didn’t feel like it. Not after what happened in the bathroom—she couldn’t come back from that. Hell, she didn’t want to come back from that. The only image replaying in her mind was your lips on hers. Your hands imbedded in her hair. The wanton sounds coming from you that she wanted to hear on again, and again, and again. That feeling of being between your legs...

And, let’s not even get into how it felt to see you leave with Abby. That ruined her whole night. Not even Jesse could cheer her up.

She ran a hand through her hair, looking over her shoulder with a tired expression. “Babe, I’m sorry, okay?” She began, standing to her feet to remove her jeans. “We just got too carried away talkin’ and whatnot.” Walking to the bathroom in the bedroom, she shed her shirt from her body. Ellie found it too easy to lie—she’s always been good at it. And, Cat was pretty gullible. But she had to throw a monkey wrench in there to really calm her down.

“Turns out… Jesse got Dina pregnant.”

“What?”

She turned on the shower, then peaked out of the doorway. “Yeah, how crazy is that?”

The tattooed girl fell onto the edge of the bed, eyes casting toward the ground, full of uncertainty. “Super crazy…”

Noticing the subtle dejection in her features, Ellie sighed. Leaving the doorframe as the shower ran hot in the background. She appeared before her, reaching her hand down to lift her chin. “Kitty Cat,” Her voice was soft and oh, so forgiving. “I should’ve responded to your texts— I’m an asshole. Let me make it up to you…” She sultrily offered, caressing the softness of her chin with her thumb.

And that’s what she did. Ellie made it up to her girlfriend of almost a year. By fucking her in the shower hard enough to make her forget about all of her uncertainties.

She had a long night.

This morning, she got up an hour earlier to get a better start on her sketch—she even started incorporating her oil paints. That’s what was stuck to her hands. The coloring in of her portrait of you in front of that shed. She felt the need to freeze that moment in time; where you embraced each other in the arms of company for the first time in too long. That hazardous kiss you shared in that sticky bathroom at the Tipsy Bison inspired her to color in the lines.

“I normally hear her up and movin’ around… She’s taking longer than I thought she would.” Maria commented, munching on a buttered bagel. “How long were you two out last night?”

Ellie inhaled, lifting her eyebrows in thought. “I got back around one, but y/n came back earlier than I did. She got a ride from a friend.” She shrugged, the ends of her lips curling, mischievously. “I think her name’s… Abby.” Ellie added, glancing between the two parents.

“Hm. What made her leave early—?” Tommy began to ask, but he stopped himself. He frowned, leaning his elbows on the counter, peering at the auburn-haired woman across from him. “How’s Dina doin’?”

She chuckled. “Still pissed, if that’s what you’re getting at?” Ellie went from peeling paint off her fingers, to fiddling with them. “They got into a bit of a…”

“Fight?” The blonde woman questioned, deepening her arched eyebrows. She never liked hearing about you fighting—or seeing it. That was a strictness Maria was never going to get rid of. Tommy used to get into fights a lot, finding himself locked behind iron bars at the county jail. But that was years before he moved to New York. When he still lived in Texas with Joel.

“No.” Ellie bunched her eyebrows in defense, shaking her head. “It was an argument, but it didn’t last long. I handled it.”

Steps sounded from the stairs, silencing the three. Pairs of eyes peered up the stairs, hoping that it was you stalking down the steps—but it wasn’t. When he began clearing his throat and coughing, loudly, they knew it was Joel. “Goddamnit…” Tommy rolled his eyes, slapping his hand against his thighs.

“Good mornin’ to you, too, Tommy.” Joel scoffed.

He huffed, licking his lips. Just like you did when you grew irritated—Tommy’s antics had rubbed off on you. “Is there any signs of life from my kids' room—? Because she should’ve been down here five minutes ago.” He looked to Joel before glancing at his watch. “Maria and I planned for her to teach Ellie how to do our grocery shipments.”

“Grocery shipments?” Ellie cast her earthy eyes toward Maria.

“It’s a lot of information, but I’m sure you’ll catch on just fine, Ellie.” She placed her hand atop of hers, pressing her lips into a smile. “If only your teacher could be timely…” Maria sighed.

The freckled artist stood up straight, pursing her lips. “I can go check and see if she’s up…” She offered, shrugging nonchalantly. “I’m sure she is— maybe she just needs a little nudge. I had rough time this mornin’, too.” To be frank, offering to grab you from the second floor of the house was clouded with selfish intentions. Ellie hadn’t seen your bedroom since she was seventeen. She couldn’t help but wonder if anything had changed.

And, she wanted a useful reason to talk to you.

Your parents are wondering what the hell you’re doing— also, how was our kiss from 1-10?

Hey, you’re supposed to be teaching me about grocery shipments, right now— hypothetically, would you kiss me again… Or?

She was such a loser for you; she always has been. “If you don’t mind. I’m sure she’d appreciate seeing you more than me.” Tommy chuckled, nudging his wife but she barely broke a smile. Staring her husband down with icy, blue eyes.

Ellie’s eyebrows twitched, but she decided not to interact with whatever happened there. Quickly, moving to the stairs to find you.

What she could remember about your room was the pink wallpaper and the posters. You used to be very persistent in upgrading old ones for new ones—saving the old ones in your closet. She found it amusing how you could never get over anything; you liked to collect things. As many things as possible—posters, collectors items, superhero figurines—you were an undercover geek!

The fascination you had with catwoman was insane. But, understandable.

The stairs of your home was guided by many picture frames. Pictures of you lining the walls. The bottom starting with photos of you when you still went heavy on the eyeliner and hairspray; gradually preceding with much happier images of you. The final photo being the whole family together, including Ellie. It was taken after your college graduation, in front of the house. You were sandwiched between your grinning parents while Joel and Ellie were on both ends; her sporting a timid smile, and him grinning just like his brother.

She was so proud of you that day, but didn’t dare to enunciate that how she really wanted to. At the time, the shoulder you gave her was ice cold. Brisker than the harsh weather of the east coast.

When she emerged at the top step, the first door in front of the stairs was cracked open. But that wasn’t your bedroom, that was your parents’ bedroom. Down the hall, to the right, after passing an open floor planned media space, was the guest room. Where Joel was spending his nights. A little further down that hall was your bedroom.

It was the best spot in the house. Your bedroom have the best view of the front of the house, and was far enough from the prying ears of curious parents.

Neither you or Ellie were innocent teenagers—you both couldn’t wait to get some alone time, and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other once you started. It was the perfect place for late night shenanigans.

Again, some things never change, huh?

Strolling toward your door, Ellie raises her hand to give a soft knock. But she pauses at the faint sounds coming from under your door. Breathy whines, the light rocking of your old, rickety bed frame. Could she hear just how wet you were from outside your door?

She leaned closer to the brown door, her bottom lip slotting between her teeth. Ellie wanted to be sure she was hearing correctly, of course. She heard you cursing and swearing, but nothing shocked her more than when she heard you squeak her name. “Fuck, Ellie…”

Apparently, Ellie wasn’t the only one who was overcome. Wanton sounds filled her ears like a mantra before she decided to interfere. Knock, knock! She heard you gasp.

“It’s Ellie... Your parents are gonna throw bitch-fits in T-minus five minutes if you’re not downstairs soon.” Ellie kept herself composed, using her hand to hold her weight against the wall. She heard you shuffling behind your door, cursing under your breath.

“I’ll be down in, like, five minutes!” You shout, the sound of quick maneuvering being heard from Ellie’s side of the door.

She wanted you to open the door, just to get a glimpse of that blissed out look on your face—Ellie anticipated that flustered look. Forgetting about her own blushing cheeks after hearing you say her name while touching yourself. She felt like a fucking king.

Stuffing her hands into her pockets, she walked to the media space. Lifting up CDs, VHS tapes, and eyeing thick books that haven’t been touched in years to pass the time. Fuck, Ellie—still played in her mind like a record. There wasn’t any scratching, only smooth playing; no interruptions.

When you appeared from your room, dressed in your working cowboy boots, a long-sleeve Abercrombie shirt and bootcut jeans—there was a shit-eating grin that just wouldn’t leave her face. Ellie turned around to lay her eyes on you, unable to help but ogle. “Do you have a condition that you’re not mentioning? Perhaps, a tumor—? Since you can’t help yourself when it comes to laughing…” You grumble, placing your hands on your hips.

Your words only made her smile more. The more time the two of you spent together, the more snarky you were becoming—she missed that. “Turns out, under some circumstances… I can be a morning person. Some circumstances.” She muttered, mainly to herself but she didn't mind if you heard. Ellie deliberated with herself on whether she was going to expose what she heard you say… Or, if she was going to hold onto it. Similar to how victorians put the hair of their lover’s into lockets.

“Whatever, Els.” You rolled your eyes, loosely calling her by that nickname, again. Ignoring the harshness of her eyes, you passed her to descend the wooden stairs. There was still a mindless sleepiness to you. It was charming to your past lover, as she followed behind you—floating on air. Thinking about how great of an idea it was to come back this year.

And, still, Ellie was barely harbored with guilt. Even more so when she inspected your features, intently. When her thoughts wandered into the gutters of her creative mind—spreading you wide in all of your glory.