FATALESSIO

So he's, uh... definitely a gainer, right? Like there's no way around that at this point.

Nikita was always called things like ‘beanpole’, ‘toothpick’ or ‘pencil’ by his friends. He’d just accepted it and learned to live with it after a while. In the end he could eat whatever he wanted without gaining a single pound, while those friends of him had to workout multiple days a week to keep their perfect shape. Instead of just letting them insulting him, he started to give them some teasy answers after a while. He even started to eat as much as possible when they went to the all-you-can-eat buffet together, he drank gallons of soda and beer until he was so bloated he would almost explode and he never did any kind of workout, all just to show them what an advantage his ‘fast metabolism’ actually was. I guess that turned into a ‘fatvantage’ instead after some time, ‘cause when they went on a boat trip together and Nikita took his shirt off for the first time in a while, everyone was shocked to see he had some proper titties and a pudgy paunch drooping over the waistband of his snug swimming trunks now. Well, at least he certainly isn’t a toothpick anymore.

Oh, look at you, playing the victim of a 'double standard' while your chin is playing leapfrog with your collarbone, tubbs. You’re not a dad bod, you’re just a dad who forgot to stop eating at the buffet in 2020. You really think you’re some misunderstood prize in a game of emotional whiplash? Newsflash, the only reason she ‘loved’ your body is because it made her feel like she was dating someone who finally accepted defeat. You aren’t a 'catch', you’re a cautionary tale about what happens when a man replaces a personality with a collection of high-calorie snacks and a sense of entitlement. The moment you open your mouth to argue, you aren’t 'becoming' a fat fuck, you’re just reminding her why she has to look at your sagging chest every morning and wonder where it all went wrong. The only thing 'earned' about your physique is the disappointment on your parents' faces every time you walk into a room and the floorboards groan in anticipation of your failure, fatso.