faye

welcome to fawns diary >⩊<.ᐟ

blk girl, boys of tommen, sonny angels, patrick feely, deers, 2hollis, lil peep, beabadoobee

this is literally just to write fanfics and girlblog ! i've been writing since 2020 ( starting off with draco malfoy fanfics ; i've always liked blondes ;3 )

boundariesᐟ

honestly ill write anything but no weird shit like use ur brain, she/her

previous part ⌖

knock, knock, knock, i walk towards the door really excited for a well needed change. opening the door im greated with addison, kat, shiloh and tazmin, "y/n!" addi immediately gets me into a bear hug making me feel safe "hi addie" i say muffled whispering feeling myselg again in her arms for a moment.

i snap back to reality, my whole life ive seen like as butterflies and rainbows but being with my ex made me realise that life hurts people every day. it breaks people down from the inside until they're just a shred of their old self. "you okay sweetheart?" kat whispers into my ear trying to not embarass me infront of everyone. looking her in the eyes i see her soft genuine eyes i nod ignoring the lump in my throat.

i walk towards the bathroom next to my room everyone following behind me "piercer said he'll be here in thirty" addison says smiling at me "anyways why so spontaneous." she continues. i look at her and shrug "desperately needed a change i guess" i sit on the toilet seat grabbing the hair dye and bleach and setting it on my lap.

"if my hair fries off im suing you guys fyi" i mention, "good thing i brought weed" shiloh grins reaching into her purse to bring out multiple perfectly rolled blunts, "got a pink one just for you too babe" i giggle reaching out to get her in a big bear hug.

twenty minutes later the bathroom is filled with smoke and five smiley girls. "i still can't believe that happened" taz gets out in giggles. i stand up to say "so are we gonna bleach my hair or what" just to be met with a bunch of yeahs.

knock knock "wait that must be the piercer" addi gives me a creepy smile, "you ready babe?" taz looks at me as we all walk towards the door. "fuck yeah" i laugh out sounding like an absolute mad woman.

a bunch of piercings, bleach, and hair dye later.

looking at myself in the mirror i feel like a different person, i cant even see my old self. feeling like i need to cry i smile at my friends and the piercer that i got along with and thank them. the high was still there, smoking more as the dye was processing, then when washing out the dye, then when getting pierced.

if i told myself a month ago i'd be smoking back to back i would of called you crazy, being a social smoker was who i was, not smoking multiple times a day. the change wasnt just in my apperance, but also in my character. i was a whole new person.

"you look beautiful" the piercer who i learnt whos name was kaden looking at him i smile and whisper "thank you" i look at my friends who are looking at me with eyes. i scoff to myself hiding it as a cough. "right we all need to go get water, keep her company" kat giggles winking at me.

"righttt" i drag out. "tell me if im over stepping here but, can i get your number" i look at him scratch the back of his head looking really nervous. finding this gesture cute i reply "sure" i giggle still extremely high giving him my phone.

fawns notes ⌖

filler chapter! hollis next chapter guys i swear also you'll find out what colour and which piercings next chapter >_<

@unicornfairysparkle69 @sophi-ii @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette @borderlineunicorn444 @angelbabytay222 @gwenisobased @ang3l0fd3ath22 @peta1sp1iff @cccurrentsconvulsive @swagonometryfr @kitty-pretty @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette @cherryscrumbles @whisssss-per0v3th @honeyperched @undergroundtwink @2bun22 @2autumndrunk @whvtewinekisses

random flirty text messages that bestfriend!hollis sends

cw : sexual texts!

fawns notes ⌖

are we into the text messages? comment !!!!

holy shit i feel like morgz

" love has treated me so, so wrong >_< "

≽^•⩊•^≼

thinkin' bout you : a 2hollis fanfic

when a broken girl meets a boy who wont let her down what happens. no matter how hard she pushes him away will he stay?

yearner!2hollis x hurting!y/n

1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8 , 9 , 10

status : ongoing

previous part ⌖

its been a full week since the whole twitter fiasco, and to say i've been a mess would be an understatement. the whole weeks been a blur of ordering takeout, not stepping outside my room and writing lyrics. i had my notepad on my bed scribbiling random lines hoping they'd make sense. i heard a soft knock at my door which broke my trance. before i could say come in a tall boy walks in immediately speaking.

"i'm so sorry y/n, you've been through so much and-" i cut him off "im not your charity case hollis. stop treating me like one" i stand up leading him back to the door, silently telling him to leave. "i dont want to hear it right now." i mutter closing the door after him reluctently leaving.

i honestly cant wrap my head around the fact that he knew. he most likely knew about what was being said about me and didnt tell me. thats not what friends do.frustrated i slammed my head on my pillow groaning.

thats it, i thought to myself. i need to change, i need to become a whole new person. i tie my hair up into a disheveled bun, grabbing a huge hoodie that would cover my face. running to the sink i splash water on my face trying so hard to look somewhat presentable. looking at my face through the mirror i see a tear run down my cheek.

i cant be like this anymore i thought to myself. it'll only hurt me more. grabbing my purse filled with the essentials i run out of my room. walking past roman and hollis without saying anything.

"y/n where-" i close the door behind me pulling up my hood putting my face down.

fawns notes ⌖

whos ready for y/n to become a bitch!!!!! next chapter will be long i swear

@unicornfairysparkle69 @sophi-ii @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette @borderlineunicorn444 @angelbabytay222 @gwenisobased @ang3l0fd3ath22 @peta1sp1iff @cccurrentsconvulsive @swagonometryfr @kitty-pretty @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette @cherryscrumbles

previous part ⌖

trigger warning * - panic attack, domestic abuse, read at your own caution love you guys x

"what the fuck. what the fuck. what the fuck" my chest starts tightening, whys everything going so shitty, i stumble back towards my bed, ipad still in my hands. i felt my legs getting weak making me want to crawl on the floor and stay there forever. an overwhelming sense of dread hit me, i'm going to need to face everyone, a sinking feeling in my gut.

my breathing starts getting unsteady. why on earth would anyone lie about me. lie on my name. is this was hollis was talking about. wait hollis knew and didnt tell me? a wave of thoughts hit me which made me feel even more shit. i look around my room to find anything that could calm me down but im met with nothing. everything around me seems different. foreign. i look down at my hands that are intensly shaking. a tear falls down onto my palm cinematically.

this has to be a joke. my life has to be a joke. my heart literally hurts, like its being ripped out of my body actively. i wanted to scream but all that came out was jagged sobs. i couldnt speak.

"roman" i finally say voice sounding raw and broken "roman, i need roman" i awknowledge. i try to stand up but fall down to the floor. throughout years of therapy as a child i knew that all of this was in my head. my legs weren't actually jelly. but my mind made me believe they were jelly, making it a real thing.

more tears roll down my face because of how frustrated i was. the tweets, hollis being blunt, brent. everything finally hit me, everything ive been keeping in pretending didn't exist finally came crashing down. i let people in too easy i think to myself, i need to stop fucking hell i need to really stop.

i drag myself towards the nearest wall propping myself up against it. i hold my knees to my chest to stop my tremors. i dont know why i always let things like this get to me. i hear footsteps coming towards my bedroom and out of instinct i get quiet, i stop my crying and sob silently, i wasnt even crying about the tweets anymore. i was crying about the memories

flashback

sobbing harder i look up at brents face "why the fuck are you crying?" he got closer to my face trying to intimidate me "its like you want me to hit you" he kisses his teeth getting away from my face looking down at me like i was pathetic

"you've always been a fuckin' cry baby, always wanting attention" he punches the wall i was leaned against making me cry louder, in moments like this i always went mute and all i could do was cry. my face snapped to the side, his palm making direct contact with my cheek. i felt my face start to sting causing more tears from me. another slap. this time i could feel blood in my mouth and my cheek heating up.

crying loudly was forgotten then.

-

"y/n." romans voice snapped me back to the present, tears rolling down my face i grab him and hug him, not letting go "i'm sorry." i muffle my face on his chest "stop saying that you havent done anything wrong"

roman led me back to my bed sitting down at the edge. "listen nobody important believe those bullshit tweets" he reassures me "i'll try work on something to get it taken down" his words calmed me down. i try to deflect the whole panic attack situation he saw me in "how on earth are you out of everyone the one whos calming me down now" i giggle to myself "i actually hated you" i look at him smiling "you always know how to make somebody smile" roman rolls his eyes with a slight grin. "i just have that affect on people" "yeah whatever" he smiles.

"but seriously y/n, you need to talk to somebody, this isnt healthy" i nod at him trying to stop the conversation "i dont-" i pause trying to think of what to say "i cant speak about everything yet." i mutter feeling ashamed.

"its okay to not understand what your feeling."

fawns notes ⌖

ok this is my fav chapter ive written, descriptive writing WHOO, last chapter of the night. ps. PLEASE COMMENT GUYS. xx - fawn out

@unicornfairysparkle69 @sophi-ii @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette @borderlineunicorn444 @angelbabytay222 @gwenisobased @ang3l0fd3ath22 @peta1sp1iff @cccurrentsconvulsive @swagonometryfr @kitty-pretty @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette @cherryscrumbles

previous part ⌖

i watch hollis roll his eyes and place my phone into his pocket. "hey my phone?" i look at him eyebrows furrowing. "i have an idea" i look at him with questioning eyes signaling him to continue "i'll give you my phone, so we both wont be on our phones today and ill take you somewhere special." with one hand on the wheel he takes his phone out of his pocket putting it on my lap. it doesnt take a lot to convince me "whatever, where do you wanna go?" "i dont know if i should tell you" he looks at me giving a cheeky smile. "please! i wanna know" i plead. "i'll give you a hint" he says eyes still on the road, "its something we talked about while shopping."

my eyebrows furrow once again trying to recap everything we've talked about. suddenly my brain finds it "oh my gosh oh my gosh!!! are we going to the studio" i squeal looking at him with pure excitement in my eyes "your gonna sing"

at the studio >_<

"i think your one of my favorite friends now hollis" i say while looking around the blacked out studio "this is where the magic happens" he looks at me with a serious face "cringe." i giggle.

"you've ever written anything?" i place my bag down on a chair and turn around to face him. "a bunch, writing is my strong suite, i just dont know how to actually do the whole singing thing its really overwhelming" i ramble on "but like as i said i'd love to sing im just scared you know?" hollis looks at me like he wants me to continue but i stop awkwardly staring at him waiting for him to respond.

"i'll help you every step of the way. i promise" i look him in the eyes for the first time ever "you will?" "i will." "you know any of the songs off the top of your head?" i knod and step behind the booth stepping up to the microphone

"you seem to replace your brain with your heart,

you take things so hard then you fall apart,

you try to explain, but before you can start

those crybaby tears come out of the dark."

thirteen songs later ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ

"holy shit." hollis mutters with a taco bell churro in his mouth "i feel like i was in a trance. your lyrics, your voice fucking hell." flustered i respond "thank you" i look up at the clock outside the booth 2:42 AM "no way we've been here for that long." "how rude of roman to not call us is he not worried about us?" i yawn before laughing at his sarcasm "im so tired can we go?" i walk towards where he's sitting to grab my bag

"oh i almost forgot, my phone please!" i put my hand out waiting for him to give me back my phone. "i can't do that" i look at him eyes widening out of confusion "are you stealing my phone?" i start fidgeting with my hands frustrated at the situation "i don't like this hollis please i want my phone back." my chest starts hurting and i feel my eyes tearing up

im not crying. im not crying. i repeat to myself internally. i remember what brent called me. a crybaby. "hollis." i look up at him with glossy eyes just to be met with him shaking his head "listen i can't." he sighs "i was told that i cant please listen to me." i feel a tear make its way down my cheek. this is the second time i've cried today, i think im reaching a record fucking hell.

"take me home please." i look down at the floor and walk towards the exit pouting. why on earth am i not allowed my phone. hes treating me like a literal child, i think to myself. i open the car door sitting down trying to face away from hollis so he doesnt see my eyes welling up with tears again.

"y/n i-" i cut him off "im sorry but i dont want to speak to you" i'll be honest i didnt think i had that in me. the brutality i'd be lying if i didnt say i felt bad. sticking by my words i look out the window as he drives taking in the view.

after the strangest car journey ive ever had i layed down in my bed not bothering to wash the makeup that remained on my face. i notice my ipad on my vanity vibrating. walking towards it i brace myself for whatever it could be.

99+ twitter notifications

i feel my breathing getting unsteady, i scroll down to check the replies

shit im gonna start crying.

fawns notes ⌖

guys i swear it gets happier, just be prepared for the next few chapters....

@unicornfairysparkle69 @sophi-ii @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette @borderlineunicorn444 @angelbabytay222 @gwenisobased @ang3l0fd3ath22 @peta1sp1iff @cccurrentsconvulsive @swagonometryfr @kitty-pretty @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette

previous part ⌖

ding. ding. ding.

"somebodys messaging you. you gonna respond?" a voice breaks me out of my day dreaming "oh yeah haha" i awkwardly chuckle.

fawns notes ⌖

filler chapter ! uploading another one soon again guys i swear it'll be longer. dont be afraid to comment plz!! tell me how you feel about this

@unicornfairysparkle69 @sophi-ii @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette @borderlineunicorn444 @angelbabytay222 @gwenisobased @ang3l0fd3ath22 @peta1sp1iff @cccurrentsconvulsive @swagonometryfr @kitty-pretty @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette

previous part ⌖

after a drive full of emotions we end up at target. "right so what do we need?" "alot" i respond grinning. "how'd you and roman meet?" hollis questions trying to make small talk "he used to bully me in elementary." "what?" hollis shouts out before quickly putting his hand over his mouth "indoor voice i forgot" he whispers after getting strange looks from almost everyone in the shop. "yeah he used to call me a baby and would steal shit from me" "and you've now somehow ended up becoming best friends?" he says sounding shocked "wait how did that happen" he looks at me seeming actually interested in me. "other people started bullying me in middle school and he didnt like it for some reason. ended up fighting some guy who called me a bitch and apologised to me. we've been connected at the hip since then." i start rambling "honestly i cant imagine a life without him. not in a weird way you know? like i just wouldnt be alive without the guy."

i look up at hollis after realising that i've been speaking so much "sorry i always end up rambling" he shows me a genuine smile "don't say sorry, you say it too much." "i wanna know more about you!" i beamed while grabbing red and pink balloons "what got you into music?" i walk infront of hollis walking towards the baking aisle. "grew up around it, i've always found music intresting." hollis speeds up to grab the basket from me not letting me hold it. "what about you? do you sing?" "i'd love to, but i dont think anyone would listen to my music, i have like hundreds of lyrics on stand-by but i've never got the push i need" i honestly answer "i'd listen to your music if that counts" he softly says smiling at me looking me in the eyes "thank you hollis." i whisper honestly feeling at home.

my brain hadn't been this quiet in a long time. i havent felt safe in such a long time. me and hollis just stay silent, "we need flowers right?" he asks sounding excited "duhh" i exclaim.

hollis runs off towards the flowers "ill be a moment i swear" i grin finally feeling at peace. hes such a good friend i think to myself. i hear footsteps behind me so i turn around to see hollis running towards me. to say a 6'6 man running towards me with a bunch flowers isnt scary would be a total lie. i laugh to myself "your excited arent you" "fuck yeah" he replies out of breath "i heard your cookies are the shit nate wont stop speaking about them" "they're totally the shit"

it feels like i cant stop smiling around hollis.

"i think we've got everything" i say looking up at hollis who was just staring at the distance. "you alright?" i ask genuinely worried "oh yeah im fine sorry, thought i saw somebody" he laughs awkwardly. there seems to be a lot of awkward moments between us. but they dont seem weird. they feel right.

me and hollis walk towards the tills, side by side him still holding the flowers."im paying" hollis says breaking the silence. "no its fi-" hollis cuts me off "i'm paying, you've gone through enough."

i push down the strange feeling in my stomach and smile at hollis. "thank you" i whisper leaning towards his ear pulling him down by the shoulder.

fawns notes ⌖

short chapter. guys be prepared i love angst! also PLZ send requests i wanna write blurbs

@unicornfairysparkle69 @sophi-ii @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette @borderlineunicorn444 @angelbabytay222 @gwenisobased @ang3l0fd3ath22 @peta1sp1iff @cccurrentsconvulsive @swagonometryfr @kitty-pretty @glitterandviolence13 @jjscoquette

previous part ⌖

trigger warning * - talking about dv, emotional abuse, panic attack ect. read at your own caution and stop at anytime x

i take a sharp breath in, trying to stablise my freaky breathing. "he wasnt always like that you know" i finally get out in a shaky voice. i look down straighting out my shirt trying to keep my hands busy "when i first met him i knew i loved him. he was such a sweetheart." i say realising i sound pathetic. i try to avoid eyecontact with hollis out of fear he'd look at me weirdly

"i know it sounds like im idolising him but he was my everything." i mutter feeling a tear well up in my eyes. i finally look at hollis and all i see is a sad look in his eyes "he's seriously fucked up and you dont deserve that." he replies. hollis brings his hands towards my face to wipe the tear that ended up coming out causing me to flinch. "fuck im sorry." he whispered like i was fragile, something that could be broken if he spoke to loud.

can i stop embarassing myself my inner voice screams making me even more upset. "no i'm sorry." i whisper out sounding broken. "when did it start?" hollis asks apprehensively

"4 months ago." saying it out loud made me wake up almost. "i broke up with him last month but he'd always come back. i dont know how but it would always happen again." i ignore the feeling of my heart literally breaking. "i'd always end up hurt again. it started off with name calling. he'd call me a bitch, and a crybaby and call me demeaning words. then he started using his hands he'd throw stuff at me or wouldnt let me go see my friends. it was a cycle that would never end" i felt a lump in my throat, my heart was racing and my palms were sweating "i wanted to-"

i break.

tears start running down my face. i felt like i was in that position again "i cant breathe hollis" i start breathing faster trying to collect myself. but all i feel is inpending doom. like im about to die

"shh its fine, your just having a panic attack." hollis quickly pulls over getting out the car to come to the passenger side. "listen to my voice okay?" he says opening the passenger side "you need some air" i feel my throat closing. "i feel like im gonna die holli" i say coming out in a sob. "get out the car" he says in a stable tone. "i cant mo-" im cut off with him picking me up bridal style and placing me on the curb.

"follow my breathing." he says crouching down for us to be at eyelevel "breath in, and out" he says repeating himself multiple times. "wipe your tears" he says offering me tissue from his pocket.

"fuck im a mess" i awkwardly laugh wiping my tears with the tissue. "your hurting, not a mess." he reassures me "do you want to go back home? or finish off our shopping" he gives a slight smile trying to lighten the mood

"i'm really in need for galentines. shopping please" hollis reaches out his hand helping me off the curb, guiding me back to the car.

fawns notes ⌖

hope you've had fun reading, do we want more angst!!!! short chapter but like a lot of info, next chapters happy guys i swear x