Yesterday, I felt the most severe hunger pains of my first week, but those pains passed. They didn’t last long. I have learned to fix a cup of coffee, or to a drink a cup of low-calorie Gatorade, whenever the pains hit.
Breakfast. I woke up late-ish, around 8:30 a.m. I fixed myself two cups of coffee, and I had to check e-mail and Twitter. One of my friends prompted me to review the purpose of my fast. I’m modifying my e-mail response to my friend in the following passage. I drank a cup of low-calorie Gatorade whilst I worked on the first part of this blog post.
Reflection. I continue to lose weight, but I know that people will say that I had some weight to lose. But losing weight was not and has not been the point, it just shows I’m committed to not letting somebody (the DOJ) be the aggressor over me, that I have discipline over myself. I firmly believe that good acts bear fruit in the end, which is what Gandhi believed in. That’s why I have so far not sold out. It’s not that I cannot sell out, but that I am putting all my faith in my good acts bearing fruit. Â
I don’t know if 21 days is enough for me to look bony, though, which is what I think scares some of my friends. I don’t know if 21 days of this liquids-only fast will be enough for me to look tragic and horrifying. I don’t look “bad” now. Whatever I end up looking like, the videos I’m posting now are the easy videos to watch, if there will be any “easy” videos to watch.
This fast has become a routine for me now. Â I know I can make the 21 days. Â
I now see how the fast Alan Bounville went on, went on to become so polarising. Fasting is a radical act, but, like I learned from my reaction to Alan’s fast, we have lost sense of what it means to make sacrifices for what we believe in. I remember how even during Alan’s fast, the subject of mouse clicks versus actual sacrifices became a point of contention. I have meditated about this fast. This fast has become about me being true to my own self. That’s how I know I can make the 21 days. I’m being true to my own self by doing this, because I believe I am doing what is right. This is the only thing I can peacefully do now. Â
What I learned from the fast that Alan went on was that it brings up fears in people. Some of the fears I felt during Alan’s fast were my own fears, many of them irrational. I let my own fears overwhelm my sense of outrage over what Alan was fighting.
I’ve written about the lead in drinking water in NYCHA, and I identified which housing developments where the lead in water was found. I thought that was a crisis, but nothing happened in this City. There was no reaction, there was no rallying cry, there was no response. That was irrational to me. Â
But as I have meditated about this fast, the lack of a response to the lead in drinking water at NYCHA makes perfect sense to me now, because the system is broken. That includes the people inside the system, including the normal, average people. You give people the harsh truths, and they still won’t wake up. Inside this broken system, the only person or persons acting to make the system better are Preet Bharara and his office, according to their self-styled public relations. If there is any crisis that my fast creates, it should be for Preet and his office to deal with. Since they are the only ones, who supposedly “care” about injustices, my fast is a test for them to act. If they have a conscience to care about NYCHA, by virtue of their investigation of the living conditions at NYCHA when nobody else materially cares in the City, then it is on their conscience if anything happens to me.
When Alan went on his fast, it was targeted at Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand. Remember that. Alan’s fast created a crisis for Sen. Gillibrand, and she failed that test. Her office reportedly picked up the phone and called a leader of the LGBT civil rights movement, and Sen. Gillibrand’s office reportedly told the LGBT leader : “Get your people out of here.” Sen. Gillibrand’s reaction to Alan’s fast was to order around the head of a nonprofit LGBT advocacy group, not dealing with the issues Alan’s fast raised. Remember that.
My fast will test Preet Bharara’s conscience. We don’t know yet how he will respond. This fast will last as long as it takes the U.S. Department of Justice to file its Answer to the Complaint in my FOIA Lawsuit. If Preet is a man of conscience and a man of his word, he will pass this test, and the DOJ will file its Answer before the end of the 21 days. If Preet is not, then everybody will know that he did not pass this test. Remember who my fast is directed at : at the DOJ.
Alan eventually broke his fast, but he didn’t lose, because Sen. Gillibrand revealed her true character during the days whilst Alan was fasting. I doubt we will ever know how Preet Bhara is responding, because he is so secretive. But every day he and his office remain silent, they actually lose. I know I can make the 21 days. I don’t know how to explain it, but I know I can see this through and come out of this stronger. Everything I have ever done has always produced an outcome that has made me a better person. I’m attached to that energy now. Indeed, I have always been attached to that energy.
Lunch. I became hungry at noon, but I waited until about 1:30 p.m. to fix my can of Campbell’s chicken broth soup. One hour after I drank the broth, I took one and one half cups of prune juice. I fixed a cup of coffee before I made my daily video, which I made early today.
