writing is my only sunctuary

'All I know is that this sky will last longer than I shall.'

Your phone call! Ah, mon amour, you don’t know how good it was that you called me! You can’t know! You can’t imagine! Suddenly I feel like I’m reconnected to the earth, to the sea, to the sky, by a mysterious current that your voice and your spirit filled me with, and the clouds have suddenly become friendly. I love you! Oh, how I love you! How I treasure you! And tomorrow I’ll have your arms around me. How could I have doubts about anything when I’m given happiness itself so often! Bad! I’m bad! Demons take hold of me, making me deaf, blind, and sterile, and I’m left distraught, lonely, frozen in the midst of all my turmoil. Why, why, tell me, why am I so bad sometimes? Now…this way, the way I am at this moment, with your warm voice inside me and the promise of your cool mouth and your bright, kind eyes! If I stay this way…my pride returns, my great pride. I love you I thank you and am waiting for you. Tomorrow! Come to me with your heart open; surrender to me. I love you.

Ah, mon chéri, mon amour, my handsome love, you, you! You, with the peace you bring me, the life you fill me with, your greatness that rubs off on me, and the kindness and the demons you instill in me! You, and life! Don’t leave me! Keep me always by your side! Don’t let me leave. I don’t want to die! Ah, I’m afraid of this terrible need that you’ve become to me, this vital need that you are for me! I’m afraid. The bond that unites two beings is so fragile. The obstacles on our path are so great! And I need you so much! Come! Come quickly and take me in your arms, speak to me, calm me, cherish me. Tell me, tell me again and always that you need me and you’ll always need me, you’ll need my presence by your side! Give me back my reason for living and my appetite for life! I don’t know anymore if I love you. I think it’s more than that and I’m a bit terrified. Guide me. Help me. Give me your hand to lead me. I can only find myself within you. Help me, I beg you. Force me if you have to, but let me hear you, so I’ll finally know that you know that I belong to you. I know I’m a heavy burden to bear. Are you still willing to keep me beside you?