i hate getting personal on this blog and i hate airing out my grievances but i just get this deep, physical pain in my chest every time i remember how severely mistreated and disposed of ive been to some of the people in this community. i cant believe that because i stood up for myself or my friend/s, i was dropped like a sack of shit. i never even existed to half of these people. years and years of memories and friendships that i cant even reminisce on because i cant even come to terms with how i was abandoned. in most cases id be at peace with drifting apart or having a fallout. i can understand those things happen and id be able to revisit my past without feeling that strike in my chest but people have always told me im a good person, that im smart, im funny, im kind, im understanding,  i make them feel comfortable.. but like.. ? how am i even meant to remotely believe that is true? how am i meant to look back at my closest friends in my life and believe that? how the fuck am i meant to heal when ive never been given closure by anybody whos left me?