oh me, oh my.

Just had to have a “why’s it wet” conversation with the cat.

Of course I’m here when I’m sad. I’m stupid sad. I’m snively, puffy-eyed and upset. I know this is my escape because there’s no path back to my love-paradise. It’s lacking. It’s empty. It’s one-sided. I’m just.. hurt. What have I been thinking? What have I been hoping? Why do I keep giving him the time of day? Goddamnit.

I mean, I’ve a bad side. My wrath; if you were to feel it, may it bend your bones to break.

I know he exists.. I just,... I just. I just don’t know where I find him.

Maybe heaven is just an idea we create the more people we lose. I’d prefer a space where they exist with me but... waaaaaaaaaaaaay over there. Watching. As if I’m what they revolve around. But really I’m imagining a bell that rings when they’re thought of and then they wave their hands over a pool of water in a basin or tub or something. Voila, they’re watching you. You suddenly feel a bit more sparkly inside. How comforting. Because otherwise,... heaven? Foreal? Who in the fuck actually comes back from the dead to tell us about it. If any of the dead speak to me... they’re really fucking cryptic and really lacking in giving me direction.