DBS

You had walked away. You were walking away still.

You couldn’t listen to him anymore, couldn’t bear to hear his voice. His voice, which you loved. His deep, calm, gentle voice. It made you want to cry. But you weren’t going to. No. You weren’t going to. Even if that lump in your throat begged to differ. You pushed the tears back.

You had to walk away. You couldn’t bear to be in the same room as him. His words, usually so kind, were now just daggers in your heart. They had lost meaning. How could his words of love and adoration for you feel so bitter now, almost like acid. It drove you mad. Because he meant none of it.

You had to walk away. You couldn’t look at him anymore. His face, his scarred, handsome, kind face, just filled you with rage. You didn’t want to punch him or hurt him, like his words hurt you, no you just wanted to forget it. You saw it still, it was engraved in your mind. His face, his eyes, his words…

And you had left the room, without saying a word. He kept on talking. He never stopped talking. Each word stabbing you in the chest, and he didn’t even see it. He didn’t notice it. He didn’t care.

He was leaving. You always knew he’d leave Baldur’s Gate, but you never thought he’d leave without you. You never thought he wouldn’t even consider it. That he would leave you behind like it was the natural thing to do.

You felt so stupid. How could you have let this happen. How was it that you felt so strongly for him but he felt nothing for you? How was it so easy for him to leave you behind when it would kill you? You felt pathetic. You weren’t going to be sad. You weren’t going to care, because he didn’t. But there was no controlling your anger. Your love for him had turned into hate. And you hated that too.

You had spent all day walking around the city. Just looking around. Thinking. When the sun started to set you sat at the top of the hill in Rivington, giving you a view of the destroyed city across the water.

You didn’t hear him approach. You hated that too.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

You closed your eyes as you heard his voice, wishing you could close your ears and never hear it again.

“I thought you were leaving.”

The anger in your voice surprised him. He knew you were upset. Saddened by his departure. But angry? This angry? He didn’t expect it.

“I didn’t want to leave without talking to you.”

“You did. It’s done. Now go.”

You heard him sigh.

“I don’t want to leave like this. I don’t want to leave us like this.”

“What do you care?”

“I do care. Of course I care.”

You scoffed. “Just go Halsin. I should’ve known. You told me that first night, I just didn’t hear it. It’s my own fault I let myself fall for you the way I did when you were clear from the beginning I would never truly matter to you. But it’s clear now. I understand it now. Go. You owe me nothing.”

He didn’t say anything but you knew he hadn’t moved from where he stood behind you. So you waited for his response you knew you didn’t want to hear.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t. Like I said, it’s my own fault. You’re free to go.”

“You do matter to me, I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you, not for one second.”

There, he had done it. He had made you look up at him, at his stupid handsome sad face. How dare he be sad. It angered you more.

“You have no clue, do you?” you said as you stood up. “You have no clue what you did wrong.”

“I am sorry. I must go where nature calls me. But it does not mean I do not love you. I do.”

“You didn’t ask me to go with you, you didn’t even consider it! You’re moving on and leaving me behind and it’s just so easy for you. I mean nothing to you! Nothing!”

“Your place is here.”

“Says who? For what? What do I have here? Why would I stay and not come with you? What is the reason?”

“I… I did not think you would come with me, that you would want to.”

“Why the Hells not?!”

“This is your home, your city.”

“Halsin,” you said, and your tone had never been more serious, you said it in a way he would know to listen, really listen. “Do you want me to come with you or not?”

And that’s when you knew. The look on his face answered your question clearly. No he didn’t. And he knew that hurt you.

“If you come with me, I will be focused on you, and not on the children.”

You felt your heart break in two inside of your chest. You felt the pain fully, your mouth slightly twisting into a grimace, but you did not say anything. Did not react. His priorities were clear. And you weren’t one of them.

“But I will wait every day for you. I will watch the horizon each day, and fix your image in my mind each night, until I feel your touch again.”

An unstoppable, unbelievable laugh escaped you as you shook your head and brought your eyes to the sky. Could you really be mad at him? You should’ve known this about the man.

“Don’t hold your breath.”