just popping in to say that I'm on a new blog and I've taken a few of my incomplete fics with me, so if you see some familiar previews or first chapters from someone not named lila, don't be alarmed!

I've been on tumblr since 2013. I spent a lot of time reading fanfiction, years of time spent reading Dramione and Wolfstar fanfiction before I eventually discovered reader insert. This discovery meant more to me than many may ever understand, because I have spent my entire life reading and watching and consuming fandom content in the hope that I could BE in the content I was consuming. I wanted to escape real life and live in the dream world that someone had written and shared with me. Maybe that's crazy and unhealthy, maybe it's understandable, maybe it doesn't matter. 

Discovering reader insert and being able to imagine my favorite characters saying my name and letting me go on adventures with them? Well, it was all I could have ever wanted. And this may seem dramatic to some and relatable to others, but at the end of the day, all that really matters is its importance to me. That's why I created this blog and started writing. 

I have loved getting to share content with you guys. I've loved getting to talk to you and laugh with you and cry with you, but lately, this community has not been what I fell in love with. 

The drama has been some of the worst I've seen. It's like being in high school all over again, watching people bicker and put others down while promoting themselves as the beacon of morality. Yes, there was a big plagiarism scandal that I definitely do not agree with. It was wrong and it hurt so many people. But I also don't agree with the group of blogs that used that same scandal to tear people down and stir the pot whenever things start to die down again. You can feel how you want about the situation, we are all allowed that, but I don't enjoy watching grown people who know better act like toddlers.

Another issue I've seen is more heartbreaking to me, and I know a lot of other people who have dealt with a similar issue, and that's a lack of support. More glaringly, it's lack of support from people who call me a friend. I know that no one owes me anything, and friendship doesn't revolve around owing people things either. But something I've had to deal with is watching people act one way to my face and another way behind my back. I see these same people complaining about lack of support and notes, when they themselves never extend that same support to anyone else. This hasn't been my best reading year or my best writing year, mainly due to the fact I was in school and working two jobs, yet I still worked to catch up on my friends fics and support them as much as I could, even if that was something as small as sending them an ask, or reblogging their fic with a short comment or, just dropping in to talk to them. I know I have fallen short as a friend and slacked off, but I have TRIED, and that's something that I have felt a lack of from others. 

Lastly, I can't stand to see big blogs try to act like the governing body for the community when they themselves have forgotten what it means to be a small blog. Complaining about a lack of notes when you still get 100+ notes is painful to see for smaller blogs who are getting significantly less than that. Spreading toxic behavior impacts smaller blogs more, because the only thing on your timeline is toxic post after toxic post, and it makes the community feel gross and like an awful place to be. Acting like a voice for the community, but then speaking over (and even shaming) people is hypocritical and not something I want to stick around to witness. 

I hope the people that have done wrong and done harm in the community employ some self reflection and work to be better and do better. I have some self reflecting of my own to do, because I myself am not perfect.

This has gone on long enough, and if you read all of this, thank you. To those of you who have consistently supported me and given me love, THANK YOU. To the friends I've made, thank you. And thank you for all the smiles, and laughter, and cheering up on bad days. This is the hardest goodbye. But it has to be done. I love you, angels.