You keep saying you came here because Art needed matches… I think you came for something else. You think I came here for you? You think I came here to throw it all away for you? Maybe you just wanted to see me. I have seen you, you look like shit. 

Patrick doesn’t ask for more than she can or wants to give. He doesn’t ask her to soften herself or make herself into anything.

But being seen also is painful. Especially for people who hate being vulnerable. I think Tashi is as drawn to that element of what she shares with Patrick as she is scared of it.

Because she doesn’t want to confront the truth, not completely. She doesn’t want to face her grief over losing tennis and Patrick looks at her and sees how broken she is.

It's the care and affection he shows for Changning. He saw how important her sister was to her and resolved to be her big brother, to care for her and look out for her like Changyu does, to play with her and let her drag him around as she likes. A small child dragging around the fearsome Marquis of Wu'an. It's the way that when they are attacked his first priority is to protect Changning, when he has to fight he tells her to look away and count to ten like Changyu did, and when Changyu finally arrives he tells her to grab her sister and run, knowing that he will die facing those men alone but still understanding that whatever budding relationship they have, it will never come close to the responsibility she has for her sister.

It's the interest he takes in her job, reassuring her that is doesn't scare or disgust him, asking to help so she can show him how it's done, buying her hand cream so that she can continue working without hurting herself. It's the way that he sees her powerwalking across town followed by a gang of thugs and follows her, not to stop her, not to fight her battles for her, but to quietly step in at the very last moment to make sure that the conversation ends when she wanted it to.

It's how he immediately promised her to help her against her uncle in court and then followed through on it, almost exposing his identity for the sake of protecting her.

It's the way he writes an itemized receipt of everything the Song family owes her so that he can back her up the next time she has to ask them for her due.

It's the way the narrative constantly mirrors them, making Xie Zheng take his cues from her. We see her fight off people trying to steal her house; the next time they come he does the same. We see her tell Changning not to look; when he is forced to fight in front of her he does the same. We see her standing up for herself over and over again and rather than trying to fight her battles for her he simply stands to the side and gives her whatever support she might need.

Xie Zheng's guide to (fake) consummating your marriage with your (fake?) wife.

Roasted Chestnuts