Jack Lowden

It really is! It’s honestly some of the weirdest weather I’ve experienced but I still love it, which I know a lot of other Brits don’t. It was for a bit, yes. Now it’s just all rainy. 

Most Brits don’t actually give a fuck, but we’ve got nowt else to talk about than the weather. And why compliment it when we can have a good old moan? That’s what we’re best at, as a collective.

I only use pandora when I’m dicking around the house and cleaning or doing stupid shit that most people would find weird. In the car I listen to my own music on my phone and I use Google Play. I’ve just always been a big fan of Google stuff. I totally will. I’m always brutally honest with people and sometimes it scares them off so I just had to make sure I warned you before I pissed you off. I always like to let people know that I can be mean so when they get upset I can say I told you that I was a jackass.

You’re living wild, darling. Google stuff is pretty good, but I’ve had me Spotify account pretty much since it first came out, so I’m a little attached to it by now. I don’t even warn people half the time that I’m gonnae piss them off. If they stick around then I know they’re good eggs. 

You don’t give second chances to many people? Should I feel special? Aw, Jack, you’re making me feel special, I can’t believe you’re not heartless. Exactly, I mean, there’s no way I’d stand there and wait for a wedding that I’m not even be able to attend or go to the party. Hey, that’s not true, I’m sure they know who you are! You can keep me around, but you should always know I’m never leaving you, do what it’s best for you, Jack. Sharing our secrets and hating each other would be the best thing ever. Yep, maybe I’ll keep you around as well, if you’re lucky.

No, darling, so  you should feel extremely special. You can try hearing for a heartbeat but you won’t find one. Right? Like, I wouldn’t give a shit about the ceremony but at least a party invite would suffice. Otherwise, fuck ‘em. Never ever? Yikes. I suppose I’ll get used to ye eventually. 

get out more? nah, that requires pants and socialising. maybe i’ll go on a hike when i stop being such a lazy bitch. but until then, no thank you, i’ll pass. what do you like to do for fun?

Or you could become friends with nudists and you can wander about with nowt on. Don’t even need to be friends with them - just sorta hang near them. I’ll drag ye on a hike if you want. I’m very motivational. I like to do a lot of things for fun. Go walking, exploring, singing, drinking - all the usual stuff.

Give me one more chance and I promise we’ll have a beautiful friendship. No more lies, only the truth. I’m not quite sure if I care about the royal family because they’re not making any difference in my life but I do think they’re all very cute. Is it because I’m Hannah and they’d listen to me instead of you? Because that would make a lot of sense, but you’re also very important - sometimes. Give it some time and we’ll be sharing our secrets or really hating each other.

Alright, one more chance - don’t go fucking it up, because I don’t give second chances to many people. They’re an alright bunch of people, but I don’t get why so many people obsess over them. Especially when something like this happens. Most people don’t give a shit about them until somebody’s getting married or popping out a kid. Yeah, exactly, with me, they’ll just be like “who the fuck is this guy?” You think I’m important? Aww, s’cute; I might keep you around, if you keep saying things like that. Or we’ll be sharing our secrets and hating each other, because that’s the best kind of friendship.

How about screaming fanboys?  Do they work too? 

You really are out of touch, aren’t you? 

I’m home, you just aren’t home when I’m home.  You need to coordinate your schedule by coming down here.  It’s beautiful.  Are you going to make me drink tropical things alone? 

I have a lot of experience with them as well.

Not at all.

I probably am, but I’m too busy washing my hair or tending to my facial hair to spend time with you. Aye, maybe.

I know you’re a nice royal blue ribbon, Jack. Well, if you ever want more compliments that can make your day, I can do that. Giving out compliments to people is something I enjoy doing to make them feel good about themselves and get them through the day. If someone finds a better way to compliment you, let me know. I’d love to know what someone else came up with.

You’re very confident in this fact, mate. Do you want anything in return? I can’t offer compliments, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead? People don’t compliment me a huge amount. Not enough for my liking, at least. But I don’t mind, because I’m too busy complimenting meself anyway. 

Thank you, mate. And I will take your lies and tell myself they’re genuine compliments, because we both know I’m getting old and you just don’t want to offend me, Lowden, it’s okay. 28? I would have never pegged you for a day over 40, I am so sorry. When you start a story out like that, I feel like it’s going to be some epic strip naked, run through the halls quoting Shakespeare kind of story, but I can say you didn’t disappoint, though I am curious as to where you wanted to go at the airport. Waking up in a different city is one thing, but a different state or even country, now that would be a wile story. You just shouldn’t drink whatever it is that makes you black out like that. You don’t know what happened either of those nights.  

I don’t lie just for the sake of making people feel better, pal. I’ve got one of those faces where sometimes I’ll look about 20, and other times I look about 45 - comes in handy as an actor, though, having a bit of range going on. There was definitely some naked Shakespeare quoting at drama school too, sometimes sober, but those stories aren’t quite as exciting. No idea where I wanted to go at the airport, but I bet it was somewhere nice. I’ve never woken up in a foreign country, but one of my friends has. He was partying in London, woke up in Paris the next morning. Luckily, he had his passport, since that was his ID, so it wasn’t too much hassle for him to get back home. Still fucking funny, though. Sometimes blacking out can lead to crazy stories, though, and I love me a crazy story or two. I am definitely not a model citizen. 

No way am I making you stop. Show me all your playlists and enlighten me with all the blues that you can. I don’t hear or know enough about it, so if anything –– just send some suggestions in my direction so we can fall deep into this blues hole together. But, I mean, if you really want something else to listen to, I’m going to suggest a little band called Turnover. Everything they have on Spotify is great, but I will say it’s a big change from blues music. Hm, you know, you do look a bit familiar. Surely you and I aren’t in some film together, are we? That can’t be it. 

No, you’re not cool enough to learn more about the blues. Prove your coolness to me first, then get back to me. Turnover? Alright, I’ll give ‘em a listen. I like a variety of music, so it’s fine. Aye, I’m the guy that you’re crazy attracted to in some movie. Not that you required much acting for the part.