leave the light on.

Kaia literally bites her tongue so the mocking comment she’d like to make only scrapes against her teeth. Swallowing the reflex doesn’t go down smoothly, but she’s the one who suggested that she might want to…share. For once, Kaia doesn’t want to be the reason this is more difficult than it needs to be. Worse, perhaps, she doesn’t want to make Carly regret the morsels of kindness she continues to extend, or her openness that Kaia’s experienced in their brief interactions. Tucked inside the barbed encasement of her offer is curiosity, of what it means if anything to occupy the same space peacefully. Kaia doesn’t know how to make amends with anyone who isn’t her sister, and if you asked her Kaia even did a shitty job at that. But peering down at Carly’s innocent face, even when smiling at Kaia’s expense, compels her to try. Her gaze flickers downcast from the dizzying sight, scoffing as if in disbelief at her next move. “Don’t get too excited,” she huffs. Still standing awkwardly, Kaia tightens her embrace of her sketchbook against her chest and…seats herself in the space just touched by Carly’s hand. “This one has the best lighting, that’s all.” And its closest to her favorite plants, who murmur their welcomes.

he exhales a breath, betraying his slight exasperation, “yes, hello.” of course, grayson is not surprised by her rather forceful hug, but he’s still a second late on reciprocating. and for all he knows, there’s a very bored dc pap tailing him and some national inquirer-esque outlet is about to report that he’s cheating on the first daughter with a mysterious blonde woman. “those are not part of the tour,” he states, pausing before adding, “partially because they don’t exist.” they do, but they’re for things like bomb shelters and evading terrorist attacks…not exactly fun. “then i’m afraid to report you’ll be seeing all of those things again.” grayson fidgets nervously, still unaccustomed to being out in public without any weapons on him, but if there’s one thing he’s going to do, it’s follow white house rules to the letter. although the president knows the nature of grayson’s profession, that doesn’t extend to the rest of his staff. “so, which is it today? public or self-guided tour?” he has a feeling he already knows the answer.

Of course his body always betrayed him in the most important of times, revealing over and over again how much of an actual KLUTZ he was. It was probably the excitement that came over him the second he noticed her wait for him, recognizing a familiar feeling washing over him like back at Gallagher when she showed up at his doorstep or when he watched her make scones or whatever in the kitchen. It was something he hadn’t experienced in a while and it certainly was enough for him to wreck his shit right in front of her. He WOULD be embarrassed but then he witnessed her laugh, almost making him want to do it again just to hear it once more. He feels his own face being pulled by a wide smile of his own, unable to not feel enamored by her before her words pull him back into reality. “NO, I mean - yes, I’m dandy. Tough as a rock,” he assures her and to be frank, if it wasn’t for her right now he’d probably be bouncing dramatically howling at the pain. It’s hard not to be distracted by her though, giving her a small gesture with his free hand to turn around quickly so he can follow his initial plan. However, as soon as she’s turned around he has to shake and blow at his arm because - that shit hurt. He isn’t looking forward to the bruise, checking the spot out carefully before he looks back up at her voice. RIGHT - Anya - flowers. “Just needed to get back in the zane zone,” he clarifies sincerely, taking a breath before he finally steps behind her, bringing his undamaged arm with the flowers and bringing them around her to see. “This was the charming thing I wanted to do before I lost the battle against this chair,” he lets her know, grin so wide it’s audible in his voice. “ Hey Anya .”

– ANYA CAN’T HELP BUT BE GENERALLY ANXIOUS. always keenly aware of her own place in the world, her proximity to others, how she might look, how she might sound. anya is careful of every leaf she steps on, every hair out of place, at every which way she impacts the world around her. you were not born to be ordinary, her parents would say to her, an insurmountable amount of pressure weighing on the casiraghi name. anya spent years sitting up straight, looking pretty before she ever spoke her first words. but mostly, these days, far away from italy and her parent’s crumbled empire, the sentiment just manifests itself in anxieties. she forgets it all when zane comes reeling into her periphery, a complete opposite to her awareness, he seems out of control and erratic, and she finds his clumsiness as charming as it is distracting. “ good, i’m glad. if you weren’t i usually carry a few things, ” she admits, “ bandages, neosporin, arnica. a gallagher education will make sure you don’t leave your house unprepared. not that i’m saying i want you to fall again – i’d rather not have to use it, actually, ” she adds, flashing him a sheepish smile. she hopes he’s not offended that she’s brought up the subject of gallagher – or graduating. it’s been so long, she has no idea what could be a sore subject for him. does he still think about what happened ? 

she does. she thought about it a lot. every time she walked past the room that used to be his when she returned to gallagher for her junior year. she wished there was a way that she could let him know that she was thinking of him. she mailed baked goods a few times, but never heard back. with the gallagher postscript, she doubts zane ever got his hands on them. but he was always the boy that managed to find her whenever she needed cheering up, able to get her to stop second-guessing everything for a moment. it had always been worth it to try, even if she didn’t know the full story about what happened – only that it was horrible, and that a boy had died. but it had been nearly impossible for her to think the worst of zane, remembering when she found him crying on his bedroom floor, isolated for weeks. that wasn’t someone who had ever intended to hurt anyone, she was sure of it. 

They’re blushing at each other, and Kaia — to her own surprise — doesn’t rush or fumble to hide it. She doubts Carly even notices the stain through her own fluster. On Kaia, it is easy to misread as simple dislike instead of discomfort. Interacting with Carly never fails at reminding Kaia of what she lacks. Kaia dulls while Carly glitters like the golden flecks in her eyes meeting the sunlight. A delayed scoff leaves her nose, doesn’t bother opening her mouth in rebuttal to that. “Nice one,” Kaia signs. “You sure told me.” Scaring her takes more than a head of blonde fluff and drooping eyelids. It is almost refreshing to see the beginnings of a spine forming, but whether Carly likes it or not, that is her bench. “Hm. No.” Her eyes run over the length of the wood stretched under her. Instead of responding with something that would make her wish she’d stayed asleep, Kaia sees another way to fill the unoccupied space. It is more lenience than she’d given her before. That should count for something. “Move over.”

@fallingwatcr​

eva called his apartment impersonal and stale— he didn’t take it personally when this apartment was purely bought for function and not to impress cynical women with very specific taste. so he’d tried to find an actual antique, something old with life and character that is sure to look ridiculous against the minimalist aesthetic of everything else. he gets an early start most mornings, often awake before the sun has properly settled and today is no different, especially when the guy he’s getting this bookcase from said this was the only time to pick it up… unless he wanted to wait three weeks for him to get back from his vacation. he paid for some guys to bring it up to the apartment as early as possible, but he’s assembling it himself so eva won’t know any better.

he’s been trying to do it quietly for the worst part of forty minutes now, hoping to have it done and perfected by the time eva wakes up, but it’s not going to plan when there’s no ikea instruction book or any way to contact the guy who’s probably flying across the ocean.  “ fuck, ” he curses, hand throbbing in pain as he hammered against his skin instead of the wood. he grunts, biting at his hand to put some pressure on it to have a different kind of pain and distract from the stinging. he shakes out his hand once more when he notices eva’s presence in the living room. it startles him slightly, not expecting her. “ what are you doing up ? ” jae wonders, pretty sure she was still wandering about awake when he left for his morning run at four or whenever.  “ have you even been to bed yet ? ” he’s not even acknowledging the fact he’s sat in the middle of the floor trying to assemble this stupid old bookcase, the thing that probably woke her if she was sleeping. 

– SHE HASN’T SLEPT. not yet, anyway – it’s still nighttime, and she was feeling restless. eva finds it especially hard to sleep at night in cities, not used to the constant sound and roar of the outside world after growing up on the countryside. it doesn’t help that she still has her guard up, unsure of whether to stay put or be on the run. lately, she’s found that she sleeps better after jae’s awake and about, which she’s about to when she hears him come inside. it’s the racket that gets her to emerge from her room, looking kind of ghostly in her linen shirt with wine-stained lips, hair a mess. her book, a history of anne boleyn, abandoned on the nightstand. her mind is still half-inside it, though, and it takes her a moment to process what’s going on in front of her. “ it’s five in the morning, ” she says, as if that should answer his question. dark, curious eyes take in every confusing detail, from the antique bookcase in front of her ( a stark contrast to everything else jae owns ) to jae’s bright red thumb, hammer abandoned on the floor. she doesn’t need to ask him what’s going on. “ you’re getting sick of the stack of books on the floor, ” she says, matter-of-factly, corner of her lip curving only slightly. her expression is knowing, “ you can’t stand my mess. ” 

there must be something wrong with him to enjoy how she’ll call out his mistakes, flaunt how wrong and stupid he is to his face and he’s just smiling back at her. “ maybe, but i’d like to think it was worth it. we had a good time. learnt a lot. ” jae tilts his head down at her, smirk soft as his eyes fall across her features, meaning every word he says. jae thinks about eva with such fondness, reminisces with adoration every time he remembers their time at gallagher. he trusts himself to do it all again if he could, even the worst bits. overall, eva’s impact in his life has been a positive one. and he’d sleep with her again at any opportunity, so doing it all again would definitely be worth it.  “ well, in that case i’m basically illiterate, can’t even tell the time. i’m the most easily fooled person there is. “  better than admitting to her getting the best of him even if she already know the truth. he’d never say it, would never admit with the correct words how much he likes her; how easily he fell for her tricks and her lies or her lips and her eyes. 

“ i know, and i get it… you don’t need to apologise.” and he’d never really ever get it completely but he gets it’s complicated and why it’s all a lot for her. “ but i’m with you, eva. okay ? if i can help then i will, no questions asked. well, possibly some but you don’t have to tell me. ” he explains with a little bit of a groan, ‘cause he’d rather know, he can’t promise he won’t be annoying and bug her in hope she’ll tell him something, but he hopes she’d tell him anything he needed to know so he’s fine with silence; fine with the knowledge that eva will always put herself first. and while he believes her, he also thinks she’s already trusted him to some degree. even if it’s not a constant honour that she’s tied to him and instead as fleeting as it is rare. to even be here with him now, to have allowed him those kisses and the touches of that night, there has to be at least some part of eva that knows she can trust him. ” are you scared ? “ such words often leave his lips exclusively to tease, their only intent to mock and ridicule. for eva they’re soft. he wants to help her. jae would rather die than admit to most that he could fear anything, but eva has seen him terrified. she’s watched him confused and lost, defeated and afraid; she knows him and he’s trying to know her. properly this time with no fronts or hesitations. of course he still expects some, knows her walls are never as dropped as his, even when it’s just the two of them. 

jae’s always struggled with that want for more, the need for everything. eva says it so simply, so softly. he doesn’t want to let her down by ticking off the places he’s been to, how it never feels enough and that feeling never really goes away. then again, he’s not been everywhere, “ moving around a bit could be good. we’ll have a stint in south ameria, one in east asia… no one will ever find you. ” jae points out, and he’s sure they could do it quietly. he’s just finding excuses to keep her in his company, even if it’s not here. even if she’s not telling him anything, he’d know she was fine if she was still right there. 

 jae laughs softly, eyes not leaving her frame despite her back to him now. ” okay. i’ll just do what i want then. “ he shrugs, holding his gaze on her for a moment to spot if she’ll shift. the only one he wants to do is eva but clearly getting a second serving is going to be just as difficult as the first… maybe even more so. ” that sounds like a lie. you’re definitely the jealous type. ” jae adds, mostly to get some kind of rise out of her, see how she’ll defend herself if she does. the idea of making eva jealous excites him, a grin on his lips as he wonders what it’d take, what he’d do, and what she’d do in admitting such a fact. he doubts she’d admit it at all, that he could have that kind of power.  

– HER OWN NATURAL OBSERVATION SKILLS have always been eva's downfall when it comes to jae. trained for years to take note of every aspect of her surroundings, to memorize and catalog every detail, she's forced to notice that little shine that jae gets in his eyes, the sweet way his smile curves upward without any restraint. like he's not got anything to hide from her. granted, it would be futile, she'd uncover it anyway, but he doesn't even try – and it's not as if he isn't aware of the weapon that she is. it just doesn't bother him. “ yeah, did you learn ? ” she asks, tilting her head as her own amusement is reflected in her eyes, “ because you just let me into your apartment once again knowing next to nothing about why i'm here. this time, you might not get so lucky, ” she adds. granted, this is different than it was last time – she's more helpless than ever before, on the run without a support system. but maybe that desperation is all the more reason jae should be terrified.

but he's not. and despite all of her observation, she doesn't get him. why is he agreeing to be at her side without asking for anything in return ? eva's still waiting for him to announce the catch, for there to be two sides to this deal. she's looking at him like a chess board and he's looking at her like she's . . . just a girl. something she's never had the opportunity to be with anyone before. she averts her eyes, “ well, good, ” is her terse response. “ because i'm not going to tell you. ” the less he knows about caledonia and whoever could be chasing her the better anyway. though there is a small smirk that tugs at the corner of her lips, knowing how much this will make him crazy. and she does love to do that. her eyes snap up to his in alarm at the question, like she's appalled that he'd ask her that. information, she can handle. but her own feelings ? her brow furrows, trying to suss out why he'd need that information from her. what does it matter if she's scared ? but she does want to tell him all about it. she's always wanted someone she could tell these things to. instead she scoffs, shrugs her shoulders, “ i don't really see why that's important. ” which is also true. whether she's scared or not doesn't really matter.

“ WE’RE NOT STAYING LONG, ”   cecilia feels the need to point out, setting the expectations clear to start with. her and nico are to spend some time in america for a week or so, but roseville is just for the weekend, aligned with the gallagher schedule of allowing them into town. she doesn’t want to stick around this place any longer than she has to, and she’d rather eat dirt than step foot on gallagher’s soil.   “ but we wanted to celebrate with you, ”   she adds, after a beat.   “ i hope you don’t have plans. ”   only a few people knew of their plans to surprise their sister, but anya’s friends aren’t cecilia or nico’s friends, so they weren’t put in the loop. they’ll just have to deal.    @dailygodmod​

anya’s reaction makes him puff his chest out with pride. what a successful surprise! not that it takes much to make anya happy but she seems happy nonetheless. and so, when cecilia says her first comment, he glances at her disapprovingly through his peripherals, as subtle as he can, though he realises there was no need for it once she finishes her sentence. “ yes, yes. please, open it. ” after much debate, they settled on a book and some of her favourite snacks. some nerves start to show, since all of nico’s suggestions got vetoed, but he agreed on the basis that whatever book cecilia (conor) picked out would be one anya would enjoy as it looked totally uninteresting to him. “ your friends won’t come looking for you, will they? i would prefer it if they didn’t. ” god knows who she might have replaced estella with. @fallingwatcr​

“Have you heard of a front door camera? Fancy new invention, I think you’d quite like it,” he tosses back, but frowns with a tight lip at her comment on his stealthiness. Sadly for his ego, he doesn’t have much of a comeback to deny it. Instead, he takes it in stride with a long sigh, already have resigned himself to enduring Eva’s quips as a part of their… friendship. Or whatever this is, however strange to think it. “Well, as it so happens, you are finally starting to know better,” Cole smiles back at her, mostly trying to match her sarcasm, but it’s partly a form of armor to cover up the actual worry. “Deal,” he says, one hand smoothing over the surface of the top of his cane as he waits for Eva to return from the kitchen. When she does, a touch of the casual air has faded, his demeanor returning slightly to the calculated realist, finding it easy to do with someone as like-minded as Eva, at least when it comes to his ex-profession. “Have you heard from any of the others recently?” Their former Caledonia teammates, he means. “I’ve been meeting with them, trying to keep tabs, making sure their lives are as trouble-free as they can be from our former employers. Has anyone been in contact with you? Friend or otherwise?” His eyes read hers, and it’s not that he’d feel particularly betrayed if he sensed Eva was keeping anything from him, but he does hope she knows anything he’d ask of her now would be for her own benefit.

“ in my defence, you were supposed to be a hot, mysterious transfer student. “ he’ll pause. ”  i mean, you still were, but it wasn’t my fault you were a liar. ” he’ll tut thrice, shaking his head like he has reason to shun her. of course it’s more the opposite. jae would let eva consume him, wants her to, wants to find out every little detail he can about her. every little quirk or tick, habits and hobbies. she’s never the girl he thinks she is. and even now, while he thinks he knows everything, thinks he’s managed to make his way into her mind like she has for him, the fact she’s still a mystery is all too inviting — a book you can’t put down, even if the pages are never ending. " mi casa e su casa, as long as you want, or need. “ a small shrug briefly raises his shoulders, not entirely certain the two go in tandem. his want for her evolved into a need; between sharing secrets and sheets, stealing final kisses in the dark… the only dissatisfaction he knows is when she leaves him. it’s the only time he feels regret or starts to overthink the difference between want and need. 

” no— no, no, no. i didn’t mean it like that, “ palms will raise in a quick cease fire. of course he did, just now he’s aware it didn’t get him what he wanted so he’ll fall back instead, assume no fault in his intentions at all, the quick shake of his head as if to confirm it. ” i did offer, and i meant it. i’m just being nosy.  “ and that’s all he’ll say, or admit to anyways. if curiosity killed the cat then jae is next in line. but it’s not just that. he wants to know because it’s her, because he feels as though he should. he has no right to be insulted by the fact that she doesn’t trust him. it just reminds him how stupid he is for trusting her, even while knowing he shouldn’t. still… ” you don’t trust me ? “ he scoffs, dramatic and playing it up like he’s not bothered by the reality of it as his hand will reach for his chest. he doesn’t know why he’s surprised, really. he’s notoriously untrustworthy, irresponsible, and loud. she’s smart to keep herself to herself. it doesn’t keep him from wanting to find out more, though. “

there’s a twist of his lips that soon forms a smirk from her reaction. he’s fond of her word choice; stale and impersonal — definitely not the vibe jae is ever going for. still, there’s no change in his gaze as she’ll look around, no falter of his smile while he watches her. ” sorry to disappoint, you could’ve made some requests, but hey, you didn’t even tell me you were coming.  “ a small shrug of his shoulders again, because clearly he’s not bothered that his point that he needs to know everything proven once again. ” i respect that, “ jae nods. and he knows which of the family homes would be more her style, knows which rooms he’d want to drag her to see first."  i’d take you home to seoul, but… probably better you don’t. safety and everything  ” he’s says, dismissing it as quickly as he brings it up. it would be safer for her, maybe, and definitely more up to her apparent taste, but jae isn’t prepared to go home with someone; especially not a girl, and especially not one he actually likes. “ i’m sure your solution is do-able. ” he adds, moving on from himself. “ i always come prepared. ” jae retorts, clearly finding the positive in anything she’ll throw at him. the tug at his shirt is just foul play, his lip between his teeth briefly as he conceals his amusement. “ you want me to pretend like i don’t enjoy your company ? ” because that’s all this is. that’s how he’s here with her now. this inexplicable energy she lights in him, the way he’s quite literally paused everything in his life to ensure he’d be here. his brows furrow at her suggestion. jae’s not even considered having someone over, even if he expects eva to play hard to get. “ the place is yours, so… don’t worry about it. ” he’d rather she feel comfortable, and he’s sure if it came to it, he has places he could go instead, girls in his phone that answer every time and a million other people in the city to meet, even if he knows they won’t come close. “ besides, i wouldn’t want you getting jealous. ” jae says knowingly, a glint in his gaze as he looks to her, hoping she’ll take the bait. 

– JAE INTRIGUES HER SO MUCH. the way that he can be guarded and clever one second, but walls so easily lowered by a pretty face – or at least lowered by hers, she thinks. maybe he just thinks too much of his own cleverness, but eva thinks there's more to it than that. " but, see, that was where you went wrong, " she circles him, oxfords clicking on the wooden floors until she's craning her neck a little to look up at him, " you should never trust a hot, mysterious transfer student. you should've seen that coming. " eva can't help the slight smirk that tugs at the corners of her lips, just a little too happy to be settling into their back and forth again. " but i guess i'll pat myself on the back for having you fooled. i'd prefer to think that i tricked someone with intelligence. " fingers play lightly with the lapel on his jacket, as if the action is idle, but as always, the tension between them is palatable and she's more than happy to continue walking that line – even, occasionally, at her own expense. she has no idea if she's putting herself in danger with this little song and dance with him, but he continues to be too inviting, too familiar to resist.

jae looks at her like he wants to know her, which is all that she's ever really wanted in her life. it's become increasingly harder to run from that.

eyebrows arch upward as he doubles back quickly, immediately giving way that he was trying to make her jealous more than anything else. he should know better – she's not stupid enough to fall for that. maybe he's played games like this with other conquests, but it'd take more than that to get her to fall into bed with him again. " don't take it personal, jae, i don't trust anyone, " she rolls her eyes, " i think you have some idea what my life has been like at this point. " the smallest inkling, at least, from whatever caledonia briefs gallagher academy sent out to its students – about the school that took in kids that desperately needed a home, offered them dreams in exchange for their loyalty and used them. eva's aware how her desires were taken advantage of now, how her hunger for ambition was exploited and the home that she'd thought she'd found had never really wanted to house her at all. that has little to do with jae, of course, but it's why that every second she's in his apartment, she'll have her guard up. even if the minimalist space is affectionately his, even if he's looking over at her with a measure of vulnerability and adoration, offering her yet another home when she continues to desperately want one. can she even trust that again ? can she ever be comfortable anywhere ? not likely. " but i do appreciate you. i'm sorry. i just have to be careful, i don't . . . i have no idea who could be coming for me. "

fire dances in her eyes, a reflection of the past that she just left behind, the old home with the creaky floors, bookcases full of memories, stories that she could get lost in. jae's place is like a clean slate, minimalist and clean, not a single cobweb in sight. she can almost see a flash of recognition in his eyes, the idea that he knows her, what she'd like. it occurs to her that maybe he does, to some extent, and she's not sure whether to be touched or scared that he would pay attention to her. " maybe someday, " she offers, " i'd love . . . " to go to seoul, " to see more of the world. everything i've known . . . it's not enough. " the admission is soft, voice slightly faraway. she wonders if he can feel it, her hunger for more, for more of everything, to be even more entrenched in all there is.

breath hitches slightly at his words, and god, that smirk of his again. she wishes that she didn't know what his lips felt like, or his hands. crossing the line in their relationship at gallagher was never intentional, she was always flirting to hold his interest, but now that she has . . . it's hard to wipe something like that from her mind, especially when he holds her gaze with such serious intention. she cannot compartmentalize it like she wants to, familiar desire racing through her veins, permeating her bloodstream. he's so stupid for letting her come here, but she's just as stupid for arriving. " do what you want, " eva rolls her eyes, turning away from him. tongue swipes across her teeth, amused smile tugging at the corners of her lips, " don't worry about me, i don't get jealous. "

@fallingwatcr​​

Kaia’s unimpressed by finding that her favorite bench is occupied. It’s positioned in the direct path of sunlight, the wood isn’t too warm under her thighs, and the pages of her weathered books appear illuminated from within. How can someone possibly sleep so uncomfortably haloed by that much light? Kaia scowls, naturally, her resting expression deepening by inconvenience. Worse — she has her suspicions who the culprit, curled into herself like a sleeping blonde fawn, might be. Pivoting on her heel would’ve sufficed as a rational reaction ( is she in the mood to deal with an internal cluster of contradictory feelings toward her? ), but she surrenders to impulse, proceeding to peer over to confirm its her. As her shadow crosses over her arm, what do you know, Carly stirs and Kaia, caught, tints with embarrassment, her body jolting back to allow distance. Kaia and Carly arent, exactly, friends, but hovering like a goddamn vulture while she slept warranted an explanation. What are you doing? Too idiotic. I wanted to know if it was you. Too honest. “You’re on my bench,” Kaia signs and speaks, her cadence flat instead of sharp. Too accusatory. Perfect.

whatever the circumstances, jack would always take watching irene walk away from him than not seeing her at all. maybe that’s selfish of him, and maybe that’s why he doesn’t look at her whilst they’re being briefed. but as a slide appears showing the timeline set for the mission, he knows what this means for her and he knows it’s best if he pretends he doesn’t.

there’s no such thing as changing irene’s mind. but jack has always been slightly naive when it comes to irene. he thought it’d get easier when she married his best friend, or even after they had kids, but even as she came by after the divorce, he felt like a young boy, feeling awkward in his suit, asking a gallagher girl for a dance. and so, despite everything, when it comes down to it, he trusts her. he trusts her not to forgive him, he trusts her not to make this easy for him, but he trusts her to have his back. which is more than what he can say had he been paired up with a complete stranger. 

the gunshot makes his head snap in irene’s direction. a few inches to the left and she would gotten him straight in the head, and the first thought that enters is that she missed. rationality turns that thought around as he reminds himself that irene has perfect aim, and he follows the direction of where her gun is pointed at to a body collapsed on the floor. it’s her reaction that makes him say, “ didn’t thank you. ” which he wouldn’t have done if he remembered he had said the same thing fifteen years ago, and it’s still to the back of her head. “ bit slow back there, ” he says, strapping himself in because of course irene’ s in the driver’s seat. 

– “YOU SHOULD HAVE,” SHE SAYS, because it’s the same thing she said fifteen years ago. she’s still the same cocky teenage girl at heart, only this time she has the experience to back it up. if there’s anything irene knows, she never would have gotten this far if she didn’t back herself. that’s why she packed her things and left miles when she did, and why she stands here today with her children thousands of miles away : sleeping, safe. it’d be wrong to say she anticipates every move, if it were up to her, she’d be curled up in bed beside her kids, this life a distant memory. 

but this life doesn’t allow for things like that, and she knows that jack understands that better than most as he sits beside her, strapping himself in to the passenger seat. if she and miles were twin flames, destined to burn, then maybe there’s some piece of red thread that keeps drawing her and jack to the same place over and over again. she steps on the gas. 

she can’t help but wonder what went through his mind when he decided to withhold all of that information about the brotherhood from her. he should’ve known that she was not someone who’d take kindly to protecting. 

“ you’re still here, aren’t you ? ” she retorts, though she knows exactly what he means. she hesitated. thought about how easy it would be if he were just gone, no longer able to tug every memory and feeling out of her like one of those sick never-ending clown handkerchiefs. “ i don’t really think you’re in any position to be critical of me, jack, ” she adds, “ unless you’d rather sleep on the street rather than in the safehouse. ” the difference, of course, between then and now is that she never hesitated back then. she trusted jack with everything in her, believed in who he was – and it’s not that she doesn’t trust him now. it’s that she hates him for it. 

whatever comfort steve hoped to find by returning to london is promptly crushed in the presence of someone he’d been prepared to leave in the past. the way the lilt of her voice makes him uneasy makes him wonder whether he’d really let it go at all. even the aspects of his life he’d thoroughly buried didn’t rise to his throat so easily. it burns and lingers like bile but this isn’t something he can swallow. 

“ i think we’re past the point of courtesy. ” his words leave him carefully and it takes him strenuous effort to hold her gaze. the lesson she had taught him only seems to come around after heartbreak. there are sides to a person where the light doesn’t reach, and those are the parts that make up a being. he’d been trained all his life to pay attention to the shadows, so how had she slipped past him? how had he let it get to a point where a torch had lit up all her sides, it had revealed his too? that, at the end of the day, no matter how much he tries to run from it, he would always choose his family. maybe that’s why he was trying to get to a place where his name wouldn’t reach him.

some as young as children, the words ring in his ears in the sound of president sutton’s voice. his first thought had been if the same applied to eva. if her extensive training had allowed her to assess that silence had been her best weapon. he wonders how much of her smile is a performance, a product of her training, or if taunts come naturally to her. 

it isn’t too late to turn around. a part of him considers it – to let her find solace in jae’s company. he thinks she might need it more than he does. for some reason, it doesn’t come easily to him. steve isn’t a man of pride, but it must be something of a similar nature to it that’s making him care about how that might look. the tension stored in his jaw is relieved momentarily as he lets out a soft exhale before he closes the door behind him. every step he takes entering the apartment feels inappropriate. 

the loaf of bread and coffee is placed on the table in front of the couch. “ help yourself, ” he says, picking up one of the coffees and picking off a piece of bread before taking a seat in the arm chair. ideally, he wouldn’t eat in front of her but he can feel his stomach rumbling. pretty sure she can hear it too.

– "AH," A MATTER-OF-FACT SIGH SLIPS FROM HER LIPS, but she's still visibly satisfied at his frustration. if she hadn't known him any longer, she might have believed that was just the way his face looked – but she knows differently. she can remember clearly the peaceful expression when he's lost in a piece of music, the gentle smile on his lips when people he cares about come up in conversation. she knows that steve has emotions, joyful ones, despite how his stoic demeanor might suggest otherwise. " fine. no hellos then. " though she has respect for the way his eyes remain on hers, that he doesn't back down or look away with certain shame.

eva knows he doesn't have any regrets – that much she can relate to.

it does hurt a little, the way he looks at her. eva doesn't form bonds with people easily, it's not often she meets someone that she takes a real and genuine liking to so quickly. with jae, it took months of interactions for her to warm to him, to reveal any genuine part of herself. with steve it had happened almost immediately, inadvertently revealing her passions and interests, opening up windows and doors to further conversations. for someone who spent her whole life unable to connect with people around her, having such an instant affinity for someone felt like magic. how was she supposed to treat the fact that it didn't mean anything at all ?

maybe for steve, what he'd done had felt like loyalty. for eva, it had felt like a twisting knife.

she feels like it would be a sign of weakness to not take the offering, so she takes a piece of bread as well. if he's going to eat, she is too, taking a seat across the room from him, sitting improperly, legs curled underneath her. always admonished for her manners as a child, she is full of acts of quiet rebellion as an adult. she pushes a curtain of dark hair away from her face and studies steve for a beat. she's desperate to know the reason behind all of this – had jae known steve was coming and forgotten to mention it ? or was this visit more improptu ? was it normal for steve to show up casually without warning ? the fact that she's caught steve by surprise likely means that jae hasn't told anyone about her presence there, that her secret visit has genuinely been safe with him, and she feels a rush of warm affection at that.

     conor normally isn’t this chatty when he first wakes up, needing at least a cup of tea or coffee to get through the morning before talking to anyone. but he doesn’t mind the conversation with anya. maybe he’s just compensating for how awkward things were at gallagher or maybe conor’s just more comfortable now that they’re not at a school having to worry about whatever comes next. 

     “it’s always so chaotic, i don’t know how people do it all the time,” he laughs, pouring some of the coffee into a mug for himself. “but this place is a lot better than anything.” the openness of it all reminds him of his own home, and maybe that’s why conor feels like he can be himself. “and i made plenty of coffee, if you want any.” he’s still learning how to work their fancy coffee machine, overestimating every single time. conor would just hate to waste something when he’s a guest in their home. 

     conor listens as anya speaks, knowing how tense things were with anya and her siblings. conor had never asked cecilia about it, feeling as though she would tell him what she thought he needed to know. conor wants to ask if anya’s settled with cecilia, but he knows it’s not his place. so instead, he focuses on something entirely different and not of much substance. “don’t know how you’re going to go back to a tiny dorm after all this space,” he says with a laugh, and honestly, conor doesn’t know how he’s going to manage it; going back to gallagher without cecilia being there. but he’ll deal with that thought later as he speaks to anya. “i have a feeling my sister is going to give me grey hairs as soon as she steps foot onto gallagher’s grounds.” but at least it’ll be his last year at the school. conor smiles at anya’s critique of tender is the night, and he knows she’s right. “i kind of like that about some books. it’s not a concrete ending, and you can make up what you want.” 

– ANYA HESITATES. she drinks decaf lately, because of her anxiety, but she also wants to accept connor’s gesture, not wanting to seem rude or like she’s holding on to any ill will. but she can remember the feeling of walking out on her mother after speaking her mind for the first time, and decides not to brush herself – and the idea of being a shaky mess all day – underneath the rug. “ that’s okay. i really only drink decaf lately, but thank you. i appreciate that – and i’m sure cecilia and charlie will be even more grateful, ” she adds. a small exhale of breath : see, that wasn’t so hard, was it ? she feels triumphant, though there’s still a small part of her that wants to die, some old habits are hard to break. 

she laughs at his comment, actually a little relieved for the small talk. perhaps she and conor would have never worked anyway – they’re so similar. 

“ i guess it all depends on my roommates. crossing my fingers for girls, though i think nico would be writing some strongly worded letters if not, ” however, her parents are no longer donors, of course. still, nico casiraghi is someone that seems to know how to get his way regardless of circumstance. “ oh, i forgot she was going to be a first year ! that’ll be so exciting, i can’t wait to see her again, ” anya’s considerably more excited about it than conor. “ maybe i’ll wind up roommates with her, ” she adds thoughtfully, though the chance is small. 

ANYA’S SMILE IS WORTH THE TRIP. a trip neither of them can seriously afford, but cecilia’s still trying to make things right with anya and nico  ( sal can choke ) ,  and she had hoped this would be a pleasant surprise for her sister, rather than an uncomfortable one. despite a smile spreading on her own lips, the greeting she wants to give falls flat, so what follows is an awkward and quick hug that’s more like a chest-bump with loose arms.   “ everything’s fine. ”   it takes less than a minute for cecilia to sound a little exasperated, but it makes her guilty for her sister’s mind to immediately go to the worst.   “ we’re here for you. for your birthday. we’ve brought presents. ”   cecilia nudges nico with her shoulder.     @dailygodmod​

as peculiar as it is to see his sisters hugging, especially cecilia being the one to initiatie it, nico feels even more awkward standing there like a dockworker. so he rigidly angles his body and bends at the knees so he can lean in to at least squeeze his shoulder in. “ oh yes, we did. ” after receiving the cue from cecilia, he holds the box out for anya, as if he’s never given them a birthday present before. which isn’t true, he has. but it feels different this time. anya’s smile is infectious. he feels the corners of lips quirking upwards, but his nerves keep them from reaching his eyes. “ it’s not much, but we thought you might like it and … well, flights aren’t cheap. are you really surprised? no one ruined it? ” @fallingwatcr​

♡ grayson & allie ♡ @fallingwatcr​

grayson stands outside the imposing building with his coat collar pulled up, partially to keep warm, but partially to obscure his face. he’s far from being anyone of note, but his face is somewhat known, at least to those who work within the white house and being there without ruby feels extremely odd. embarrassing, frankly. when allie arrives, he frowns at her. “surely you’ve taken a white house tour already. you’ve lived here far longer than i have.” because, well, technically grayson lives in maryland. despite this fact, allie is essentially his only friend in the immediate area, and he’s more willing to do whatever she wishes when they see each other than he seems at the moment.