Mindlessly Dreaming

Her body is politics 

Her body is up for discussion 

She is on the stand - 

She is a witness and the defendant

She is made from flesh and bone - 

She is a vessel for a soul 

Yet she is objectified 

A statue of suffering 

She is looked at - 

Certain parts more golden than the others

Yet she goes unheard  

Her mouth never even got the chance to open  

Who is at fault?

The ones who oppress her?

The system they made?

"Grief is like the asthma attack of emotions, instead of the feeling of something pushing down on your chest, and you being unable to breathe in, your own grief is pushing you down. Then you can only breathe out sadness and resentment. You are unable to breathe in the peace and acceptance you long for, you only feel more pain crushing you."

"Sometimes grief consumes me. It seeps into every inch of my body and paralyzes me, not even letting tears leak out of my eyes, and scar my cheeks. It turns my vision black, only showing me what is missing, yet what is missing I can never reach. My hands will forever reach out, but they cannot get close enough to touch it, to touch then."

"The pain collects in my eyes, travels down my face, and bleeds out onto my bed. It stains my every action, then thrusts me into a depression."

Why does he hurt me so much?

I have blocked him from my vision, yet I can still picture him in my mind

I can hear him humming while strumming my guitar 

The guitar I can no longer touch 

I can smell his body spray with desperation hiding behind it 

Always there and peaking out when he thought no one was around 

I run my fingers against the doodles in my notebooks and on my walls 

Then I throw them out, in the trash just like how he threw out our relationship 

The last words he uttered to me are ingrained into my soul 

The meaning behind them opened a wound I cannot close 

No stitches or sealings work 

Nothing will make me forget

The blood is pouring out, puddles all around, staining the shoes he thought were cool

The white is no more, just the red of my blood, the color he loved so much 

It was everything