a drabble for nobodiesgovernor. based off of this! WARNING: THIS DRABBLE CONTAINS EXTREMELY TRIGGERING MATERIAL. DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU ARE NOT EASILY TRIGGERED.

           the group seems to be acting exceedingly strange, and                it's making castiel nervous. sure, they had a rough time with the                supply run they conducted the day before, but they were past that                now.                                  ------------------ right?

                perhaps not. glenn doesn't give him any straight answers when the                 angel asks him what's wrong. daryl doesn't speak to him at all. beth                 hides her face as he walks past. maggie doesn't even acknowledge                 him as he speaks to her.

                with a certain amount dread, the celestial one heads to the room he                 shares with rick; and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as                 soon as he opens the door.

                                                ❛ are-- are you going on another run? ❜

                he asks the question softly, stepping forward. the man is packing.                 he's shoving all of his things into the bag he arrived with. and when                 he shakes his head, castiel feels his heart drop into his stomach.                 he realizes now why everyone has given him the cold shoulder:                                            they're    l e a v i n g .

                and then rick speaks:                                                           ❛ m’not doin’ this for me.                                                           m’doing this for us all. ❜

                those words draw the breath straight from castiel's lungs. after                 everything the two of them have been through, rick is just going                 to uproot and leave the angel A L O N E again?

                                                       ❛ why? ❜

                it's the only word that castiel can think of to say at the moment,                 but rick doesn't seem to have an explanation: he only gives the                 angel a melancholy look before he grabs his bag and walks right                 past him and toward the front door of the bunker.

                and before he knows it, the entire group is gone, and they cleaned                 up so well that it's like they were never there in the first place. he                 searches every room, every corner, every drawer for some sort                 of remnant of them, but everything is gone.

                                   it's just like the winchesters all over again.

                over the next few days, castiel never strays from the door. he pulls                 up a chair and sits there, waiting for any indication of their return.                 the sound of rick's rough voice, a mass of footsteps-- anything.

                when the celestial being finally realizes that they aren't coming back,                 he stands, pulling the angel blade from his coat. he wanders into his                 bedroom and sits on the edge of his bed.

                castiel cannot cure whatever is turning humans into these undead                 creatures. he can't keep people from dying because of a bite. he                 couldn't save the winchesters from their own demises, and he can't                 even keep people he loves with him when they're alive.

                what reason has he to go on? he's not going to allow anyone else into                 his HOME or his HEART. not after this. but castiel is a creature of                 adoration: he cannot simply allow people to die under circumstances                 like these. he knows that he'll let this happen to himself again and                 again, until it kills him.

                               so he'll do fate the favor of speeding up her job.

                raising the blade, castiel plunges it into his own breast, eyes and                 mouth burning bright white as his grace crackles and convulses                 within him. he doesn't even notice as he falls back onto the sheets,                 wings scorching themselves into ash.

fingers kiss.

                  ❛ you've lost a lot of blood. ❜

please check your blogs!

it seems that the codes in some of our blog descriptions are just-- gone. it happened to me, and i've seen it happening to others. i don't know what's going on, and i haven't seen anything suggesting that its anyone's fault, but this is especially upsetting because many of us had counters on our blogs ( online user counter, follower counter, view counter ), and now they're gone, eliminating our numbers. some descriptions also had a lot of heavy html editing, and that's gone, too. that being said, it doesn't seem to be happening to all blogs, because i've just checked another one of mine, and everything is normal. so unless someone can figure out what's happening, check your blogs.

hand kiss.

             he needs to see the body, limp on the wooden floor.                 he needs to look at it with his own eyes--   to see that he's                 there, tangible--  dead.  wings charred.  vessel incapable                 of its own movement.          and when he does see it, well.

                                      if he cries tears of blood over his big                                      brother's corpse,   he chooses not to                                      leave any         EVIDENCE         of it.

                          ❛ i'm  s o r  r y ,  brother. ❜

                 every word comes as a harsh whisper, and as castiel                 kneels down beside gabriel's body, he takes one of his                 hands into his own. it's cold.    castiel's body shudders.

                          ❛ i know all you wanted was for everything                                        to go back to the way it was. ❜

                 raising the trickster's hand,   the younger being                 kisses over his knuckles,  willing himself to let                 go  of  the  mentor  and  brother  he once knew.