coming on here to say that if you think im ever behind any anon hate, I want you to think about everything I've fucking been through and then think twice if I'm behind it or someone I know. I can be cruel, but I never EVER want to put anyone in the same situation I've been through where you end up feeling worthless.

i want to come back so bad...i think about it practically every month. but i just don't have the mental stability to deal with some people. still, it just feels so lonely being distant from everyone now aside from yuno

I wanted to come back, the day I felt ready right after my birthday I didn't realize when I made my new account, I used my old google docs that people who've read it before can see it was updated to have my url. Someone stalking my blog who harasses me on a burner account messaged me that morning on the 2nd and destroyed my desire of even wanting to try and come back. I wanted to try and come back with a clean slate. I was mentally ready to face and ignore things that I knew would be tough. But I also wanted to try, and also hope to perhaps meet new people I've seen around. Only to be pushed down and said that no one would forgive me. Thus my months worth of trying to work myself into a good mental state (which honestly felt so much longer than that) just went right back to square one. I literally am too terrified to come back now and face everything. But I guess that literally dosen't matter anymore. Because according to this user, everything is calmer without me here. Sorry for being such a disgusting vile creature.

I'm in the process of working on something regarding everything. I really hope once it's done you'll consider reading it.

Tomorrow is my 29th birthday. It's been almost a month since my hiatus, but it's felt like months. It's been painful and every day I want to come back but fear that no one will believe me with how much I want to show others how hard I'm trying. I don't want to continue to be that person I was in the past, or have people believe I am. I want to be someone new again. Make new friends even and not feel like I should worry about my past so much. Because I've always felt like that was just dangling over my head and making my anxiety so much worse. Please forgive me if I ever come crawling back in some form. It's just been a huge tug of war mentally for me.

I don't care. I learned this earlier and it's eating away at me so bad that I'm shaking with anger. I know it's gonna fall on deaf ears, but surely it'll reach people stalking me. Final last thing before I leave here, and I'm being honest this time. I tried to hold myself back from making a long post earlier, so are gonna keep this short. Don't fucking dare think about giving my friends shit about being friends with me. Don't think about harassing them, because you may not know what they're going through on the other end. Be a decent human being and don't shame them like this is some real ass witch trial shit. You all fucking disgust me.

So I’m going to be taking a mental health break. If you see me on the dash, it’s only because of asks I’ll send or responding to dms. Idk how long I’ll be gone, but I’ll be on discord doing all my roleplaying

I’m still taking stuff for Verlaine’s birthday, aswell as now Nikolai’s