Julz

Better days coming

Maybe life would be better if I was just not here.

Having some of the most loneliest nights I’ve had in so long. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sad and wish everyday he’d pick up the phone and call just to say he loves me and wish things could’ve been different. I wish I could’ve been different. But would it even have mattered? Does anything even matter? Some days I feel like life is worth living and I can breath. Other days, I wish I wasn’t breathing at all and people around me would stop acting like life is worth living when we all just die in the end. People say there is more than just love in the world.. I don’t trust those people. Everything is driven by love; weather is a passion, purpose or person. I’m just tired of my heart beating just to break into smaller pieces than they were before. I wish words actually meant something and people stood by their word. I honestly don’t think I can ever let another person get close to me and that scares me. I don’t want to be alone but everyone I love finds a way to hurt me and leave me to pick up the pieces.

I can’t believe my whole life has changed in just a few months. I think I’m going crazy. I’m heartbroken from a relationship and a friendship and it’s a lot for my mental. I really wear feelings on my body and I’m literally drowning I can’t focus on anything around me and I’m just lying like everything is okay just so I don’t have to deal with how other people think I should handle it cause it doesn’t matter how someone is not me would handle it. Wish I died from a brokenheart already.

I’m all superpowered out. I can’t be strong any longer.

self destructive is my underlining name. I loved someone so much that I made choices they really backfired in the end. It’s not my fault that is ended because he really has traumas I couldn’t heal, but how I reacted to the situation was harmful as well. To me and to him, I acted insane. I don’t even remember all of that night or the things I said. I don’t know how to feel, I just lost my mind, I’m not the only one hurting but it feels like that.