.

Trời không còn đẹp nữa

They don't know.

Think i dont think but i wonder

Or do i

Feel nothing

Is this a whole

Or a hole

Is this pain

Or guilt

Or denial

Is this too much

I have no life that i want

Trying to find you,

I have one wish.

365 ngày và vẫn đau khổ

Thì chỉ có do chính mày thôi.

My mind has been constantly strained from 31/12 last year till 31/12 this year. All thanks to me. I am the one to cause all the suffering of myself. The disappearance of values. The distraught, the despair, the emptiness, the gradual and silent loss of sympathy and compassion. Nobody has brought them out but me.

30 and still tormenting myself like a cliche teenager.

I don't consider that an attempt to unalive myself. I knew that I wouldn't die. Maybe it was the pain that I wished for. Still people see that as a "wrong" doing.

I still haven't found the will to live, the goal of my life, after all these years. I don't have a dream. Even if I dream a lot. To the point that sleep paralysis demon has become my close friend for years.

But, being happy still feels like a comfort feeling. Again, seeing people happy makes me start to wonder why can't I be happy, yet. I thought my dream came true and miracle is real when I met you. But why are things so sad now.