POETRY AS RESISTANCE

God bless the matriarchs - Who built the homes for boys to live in. - The least we could do - Is scrub the floors.

Things we forget to tell children of color: - 1. We birthed America. Our hands and brains. Do not waste time believing you have to earn the right to live here. It's about time America finally earns you. - 2. You will never be as fragile as the hatred this nation stands on. - 3. The mornings you wake up unafraid to die are not the ones you're strongest. The evenings you fall apart over dinner may very well be. - 4. Your fists will never be as big as your parents' trauma. Never agree to an unfair fight. - 6. Your best, your best is always enough.

My mom told me there would be days like this Girl birthed terrified Weeping on the bathroom floor. - "Pain," she said, "is a woman's prerogative." - She told me about the day she sliced open her wrists with the kitchen knife. She said she did it just once, for attention. - My mom hears womanhood like a curse. She's never heard a fairytale where the prince pricks his finger on the spinning wheel. - Her brother was always the favorite. Girlhood a certain stain that cant be removed. - See my mom knew India's Daughter before she was born. My mom still has two fists the worlds tied together. - My mom told me there would be days like this Girl birthed terrified Weeping on the bathroom floor. - "Pain," I hear, "is gender's prerogative." - I'll probably never tell her about the day I scraped at my genitals with a kitchen fork. I did it just once, to avoid attention. - I'm scared that I've lost womanhood to a curse. I've become the fairytale where the prince pricks his finger on the spinning wheel. - My sister still calls me her sister. Girlhood a certain stain that cant be removed. - See I was India's daughter before I was even born. Till Shikandi blessed me my mother's son. And I still have two fists even if the worlds tied them together.

Reminders for victims of abuse, past, present, and future: - 1. - You are as important as any other human being. (Look around the room, you are just as important as everyone else around.) Your needs are as much needs as their needs. Your wants, as much as theirs. Some people feel more comfortable showing discontent. That does not make their needs more important. - 2. - You already are closing up on me. Believing this is meant for everyone but you. You've fought self compassion so long That asking you to think about it is like holding your breath underwater. You do not have to believe a word I say. I know these words in intellect far more than practice myself. You just have to hear them. Hearing them is enough. Believing them comes later. - 3. - Speaking of which, you are enough. What you do is enough. Your pace of healing? Also enough. The biggest step to growth is acknowledging your truth. Sometimes truth means healing comes slow late to the bus stop no matter how perfectly you stick to the schedule. Sometimes truth is not like a movie. Sometimes its trauma bringing rage to your doorstep, instead of crying in your lovers arms. - 4. - Rage sometimes seems pointless on the package but it's incredibly useful. Like a snuggie or vaseline. As they say, forgiveness is important to healing, And rage is the key to forgiving yourself. - 5. - The only person in the world you ever have to forgive is yourself. You, I see you, with your sunbeam eyes that you can no longer see the light behind. You, you beautiful creature of fear and agony. - 6. - Fear is not your enemy. Fear is your neurons firing each other all over your body saying, "We must survive." Fear is your body reminding you you deserve safety. The only pain is you cannot address this worry. The pain is not knowing where safety is. Or not having a safe place to go at all, No matter how much your body wills. - 7. - Love and fear aren't opposites. Just because you love them doesn't mean you should not be afraid. Just because they love you does not mean they do not also want you to feel afraid. - 8. - They can always help it. You cannot. Remember you don't have to believe me. Just hear. - 9. - True love is voluntary. True love can always help it because true love always wants to help you. True love would take space away if they thought they couldn’t control themselves. - 10. - This poem is true love. It wants you to be happy and safe, but it understands that may take time. It understands that your truth is nonnegotiable. It wants to teach you to understand that too.

When people say menstruation Is what makes a women I can't help thinking They're making womanhood a lot bloodier than it needs to be

Some of us Wake up With bodies that became battlefields - Some of us Go to bed With switchblades under our pillows - Let me tell you That I won't care how many people read Caitlyn Jenner's book 'Til I can stop reading obituaries of trans women Black trans women being murdered for nothing - I'm not afraid but I'm one of the lucky ones And for every lucky one I know I know more trans people with stories Of violence and abuse Then I can count on my fingers - Let me tell you I don't want the rallying cry Of grieving together To be the song I remember with my teens Either - I'm tired of biting the bullet While they cut off our communities limbs They're too bloody to be lozenges anymore - Let me tell you I wish being trans was trendier Then hurting trans people - Let me tell how badly I wish I could say, "You were right." That this is some kind of game We can stop playing - I wish things could be more twister than twisted Contortions more broken rules than broken bones - Let me tell you I wish I wish I wish

If the grass is greener on the other side - The grass probably used an instagram filter - What I'm saying is - When your body is filled with dandelions - You see weeds - And I see wishes

I came empty handed to the dinner party I stayed on the other side of the bed just to avoid your heartbeat These are just two ways I cant handle responsibility - When I hear Till death do us part It means that you will die on my watch Or watch me die - Which is to say, The only difference between a clock and time bomb is predictability And maybe volume - I wouldn't know I try to avoid time bombs And also clocks For the aforementioned reason: That I can't handle responsibility - It's why I forgot To buy a quiche for the dinner party See I even fail the predictable ends - So I'm dreading what I'll do When it comes to you and me

She only plays music behind the steering wheel She only learned america the hard way - We don't have daydreams hiding in the soil here You know bitter men will eat your hindi Which is to say they'll swallow your words - She only plays music behind the steering wheel Cause she can only be full if she swallows them first

Empty heads and full hearts Are the revolutionaries - Full heads and empty hearts Will die in the revolution - Your college knowledge Classy ass classes Don't mean shit Next to sassy badasses - I rarely hear the smartest people I know Waste four dollars On words I know the hardest thing to learn Is that you don't always come first - Listen I've read poetry That was just intellectual masturbation And gotten text messages That have given me Lifelong gratification - What I know about words Is they're meant to be heard And your deep ass socrates shit Is flipping the bird - To the people who gave you their ears So drop the facade And just let out your fears - After all, stage fright is just a misnomer for loving your audience And fearful heads and full hearts Are the revolutionaries

Do not apologize for your shattered pieces Fragility doesn't exist Only people with the nerve to break things - You're surrounded by people who buy vases with baseball bats But I've never met a sneaker I love more than a spider = What I'm saying is Your heart holds flowers and weaves art And even on your worst day when it all feels ruined - You're a pile of pressed flowers And a knack for starting over

Hey did you know Now punk is dead Heard Laura Jane Grace Shot it right in the head - Bringing kids to these shows With faux hawks and afros All these fucking snowflakes In Berkeley's elite scene - And did you here behind the venue They called Beyoncé queen Like everything these days has just Gotten so mainstream - Like we're going down the same stream Working for the same dreams That they did in the 80s With swastikas on our black jeans - Breeding fucking neo-nazis - Hey now I've done it Nonconformity is dead Heard it changed it pronouns I shot it right in the head - But the venue won't close And shit I need a drink Cause it seems like those posers Don't give a shit what I think

Little witch You believe in magic Things seen only by candlelight - You hold dear the sacrilege For it is rebellion - Little witch I used to be an atheist Till I touched you - When your skin is stardust and your spit is holy water Of course it burns - Little witch You're not as little as everyone tells you you are Or else how could I write poems about you - Little witch Can you still believe in magic with the lights on Even though no one told you you could - Of course it burns You're trying to fit a whole body Inside his tiny heart - Little witch I understand the days you want to eat sage and then swallow matches - But you are no demon Not even on the days you wake up hungry - Little witch I used to be an atheist Till I touched you - When your skin is stardust and your spit is holy water Of course it burns

Here's a boy made of seashells And ocean tides And blue and green and purple And every time you see him off he's chewing on a bullet Anesthetics a waste of money So you dull the pain with pleasantries Well wishes like the ones On somebody's birthday - You aren't fooling me I know even in the dark these bruises look like ash We've all purse our lips That way we don't have to carry any real baggage - And I know you're trying hard to forget the way I cried on your shoulder The same way we're all trying our hardest to end this Maybe freeze those tears into ice cubes To speed up the time it takes to cool off - Can't you see? I don't remember what it's like to be lonely I haven't left bed in 3 days So I've had time to get around around the whole world - Wide web that the spider built in the corner of my window I wanna give it a name like I used to when I was a kid Like the red and orange spotted one I used to talk to through the glass Yeah, I think it's about time I find a new friend like that - But man, I cant to talk this one without worrying It already has too much to deal with Like what if every black widow is really widowed Who am I to burden their time of loss (Plus we both got a red marks on our back) And the brown recluse has a name that implies they just don't want to bothered - I wish I had 8 legs so I could run that fast See all I'm saying is I equate goodbyes with bite marks And asking with venom - And eight eyes to spot any possible way this is going south So I'll wait On the porch For a fist In my Mouth

Darling, How badly I want to pull the moon from the sky for you Hide in it's craters and crevices Bathe in the dust till we reflect the sun ourselves - But the day the sun start falling Oh lord, I know I'd run so far from you Cause it lights everything up - Lights up skin before it's covered in moon dust The skin that swallows and knowing you see me and still love me makes me want to tear myself limb from limb - Build a treasury of skin to style myself into something more beautiful Something more boy Press my chest and brand it Into an "Admit one" ticket into your gay, gay heart. - Can I admit that sometimes I hate just being your piece of art? When the curves of the Sistine Chapel must've broken Michaelangelo's back Maybe I needed a better canvas A fucking cock So you don't have to bend over backwards to find beauty between my thighs So you can drop a paintbrush cause you're too busy finding love under my tongue - I admit to my faults Sometimes the worst words slip out from the gap between my teeth And sometimes my shoulders slip out of my sockets That's how soft my curves are The only thing about me that's hard Is waiting for you slip out too.

To the strangers I've fallen in love with: - I'm sorry I didn't get your number Not sorry for you but sorry for me Because I'm scared I'll forget you - You meant so much to me for the 5 whole seconds we made eye contact I wanted to tattoo your name on my chest I imagined you proposing right there and then - Pulling a ring out of thin air Saying "Baby, I don't know you but I know we're meant to be" And my lipstick shade would've looked perfect against the skin of your hand - I wanted an August wedding August seems like an ending sometimes, I know but I find it's when everything pulls together It's when we savor our seconds When we relish the heat - The same way things are with you and me I can't remember you without an ending Not without what could have been So I hold on the moments we were together - I've pictured them over and over so many times I can recite the lack of lines like the jingle of a chain store I get giddy when I think about the way your eyes light up - But I'm scared this implies I've romanticized you For all I know you're an asshole and a terrible kisser But you know what? I don't care. - Because you remind me, with every replayed fantasy, of my capacity to love The way my heart swells for you when I don't know your name The way I can see and I can trust there is at least some good in you It makes me less afraid - You remind me you have a whole life that has nothing to do with me but I was lucky enough to get a taste How those few moments I spent with you you spent with me too How we're never getting those moments back and at least I don't mind - You remind me of gratitude You remind me that my August wedding doesn't need to have the color of flowers decided yet You remind me there are still so many unacknowledged strangers You remind me there is a whole world to see

Here: Against a surgery table He knows his illusion of home A learned peace Against oncoming pain - Subservience, Is lying on him stomach Still, still as the needle goes in they ask him, "Does it hurt." - "No." He says, voice calm against the point touching his spine. Digging through his nerves. The muscle can spasm. The composure cannot. - He remembers a time his belly ballooned as the IV ran and ran and ran. - Subservience, Is learning that begging will get you no where. - He's never sobbed like he did that night. Bellowing over a busy floor. "Honey, you need to stop crying. It makes it difficult." Of course, his last resort of wretched fight, an inconvenience. - Here: He remembers back to the first time he learned to dance, With his sweater half off and arm limp to his knee When the arm band gets tight enough he can feel his blood pumping A rhythm That takes him back to when music was freedom - For the blood in every blood draw is laced with my unholy DNA - Here: Against a medical exam table he learns the illusion of home. He learns of his body raping itself, by being. He learns he did this to himself. - Subservience, Is keeping his rapists name out of his mouth, Because they have already taken take his holy howl, And sinful blood, Enough to own him. - He has learned that who you are is made of the steps you take, so he is nothing. - He has learned the consequence of fight. - The muscle can spasm, but the composure cannot.