In collaboration with a former Business Insider analyst, who stated that they were "vacationing with some clients" in San Francisco at the time of New York City's disappearance, we've assembled a report on the national and global economic impact of the event:
The headquarters of more than 40 different Fortune 500 companies have vanished - and reportedly, residents of "Neath York" haven't seen them, either.
Nation-wide, CEOs of major companies are struggling to understand the discrepency between the profits and the reported value of their businesses. When Mr. ______, CEO and founder of ________ was interviewed on the matter, he had this to say:
"I just don't understand it. My analysts have all gone on extended leave. They said they feel like there's something missing in their heads, something massive; I think they're colluding on something. [...] they must've talked me into slashing my pay, too, as some kind of PR move. It's insane, who would give up that kind of money for nothing? I mean, my annual salary isn't even over $500,000 - I could lose my home!"
The value of the dollar appears to have dropped almost overnight, following the loss of New York City. Economists across the country have been collaborating feverishly to pinpoint the exact cause.
On 4chan's infamous '/pol' board, one self-described economist wrote the following:
">over 40 fortine 500 companies now headless
>value of the dollar [----]ing evaporates?
I dont know guys, the numbers still dont really add up. its like they erased something huge."
Many economists have also called in to report what could be a massive hacking campaign, targeting the foundations of American business. The cause of this concern? A mysterious suite of software, often with titles containing the name of a non-existent company, followed with words like 'index', 'market', or 'finance'.
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