Apparently this is a thing (!?) and is endorsed by other euph players and band geeks, soĀ Iāve got a bonding date with my little sister (big anime fan) to begin this series on Sunday. lol

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Love Begins
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@failed-but-fine
Apparently this is a thing (!?) and is endorsed by other euph players and band geeks, soĀ Iāve got a bonding date with my little sister (big anime fan) to begin this series on Sunday. lol

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Iām back...ish
So itās been a while, but I just want to let you guys know that Iāve gotten back on euph, and though Iām taking things slow, Iāve still got it and am finally enjoying it. :)
Daniel Barenboim has a very flexible technique
Update on life and stuff
So in short, I hate it back home and am thinking about moving back to Alpharetta where my companyās Atlanta branch is.
It doesnāt feel like home here where my mom keeps criticizing my body and life choices and treating me like Iām a child and incompetent of doing simple tasks such as cooking on my own (despite her recognizing Iām a good cook). It doesnāt feel like home where Iām surrounded by coworkers who talk of their kids and buying boats and fantasy football in their leisure time and it doesnāt feel like home where the only friends I have locally donāt understand my passion for music and research.
It feels like home where thereās constant music happening around me, whether itās true music being practiced by colleagues or the music of the locals of my favorite coffee shop tapping away frantically on their laptops trying to finish a research paper or blog ad the murmur of coffee grinders and intellectual talk litter the background. I miss the talks, laughs, cries, rants and even panic attacks I shared with my colleagues as we all struggled along through music school. I miss being around people who love what they're doing and want to change the world and love learning. I yearn to be in such an environment again.
I visited my college town for my birthday weekend and hung around my friends reading while they practiced and warmed up for their ensemble placement auditions. Nothing made me happier to be in a cozy place listening to music develop.
Sigh.
Got my euph back from my friend after lending it to him for months to keep up and practice. He really prefers my Willson now to his horn. Itās been about a year since I took up flute lessons, so I may contact my flute teacher again here soon. We have a lot to catch up on and I enjoy our nerding out over stuff such as games during breaks. My family can deal with the noise. So tired of not being able to workout, eat, or really do anything in my own time without getting scrutinized.
Will hopefully have a place to myself within the next few months. Canāt wait to make a media/music room and start practicing again regardless if itās flute, piano, or even euph. If I move back to Atlanta, I for sure will take up euph again leisurely. Maybe Iāll arrange stuff again for shits and giggles. Idk.
Anyway, enough being emo. Gotta get back to work. Excuse me for any typos due to brevity.
Richard Wagner - Tannhauser āPilgrimās Chorusā - ā¦:

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Things You Should Never Do to a Musician
#1: You should never,Ā never,Ā never in all of yourĀ existence,tell a musician that they will not get into college/get a job/win the audition because they are not, and will never be, good enough.Ā
Our self-esteem is low enough as is, assholes.Ā
The Power of Music - Jack Leroy Tueller:
On judging people's choices in life
So before I begin this rant, let me just admit that I am guilty of judging otherās life choices and that Iām not going to go on some hypocritical soapbox here. I mainly judge choices of people that I care about when I see that theyāre making less-than-stellar choices that are pushing them down a path of destruction. That being said, I know all too well that some people have to learn the hard way whatās good or bad for them and that theyāll ultimately snap out of it somewhere down the road, recover, and be a stronger person for it. If they shrug off my help and I truly care about them, then Iāll be there by their side to catch them when they fall and help them back on their feet. Now that Iāve made that disclosure, Iāll get into the meat of things.Ā Facebook is a lovely way of determining who are legitimately your friends (aka, people who have your back no matter what and look out for the best in you) and who are pure acquaintances. Things get kind of weird when you keep people as friends for networking reasons or because of āold timeās sakeā, for example, your previous teachers.Ā I was just scrolling through my facebook when I encountered a status that one of my music major colleagues from undergrad posted informing the world that he will be starting at a new university this upcoming fall with a new degree - that in youth and family ministries. Ok, not my thing, but hey, he seems really excited about it and enthusiastic overall about God and heās overall a fantastic person to others. Genuinely kind. The few times Iāve talked with him in the music halls, we were either engaged in some retrospective and intellectual conversation or laughing our asses off. Many people liked his status and gave him words of encouragement, which made me happy to see - the music major life is not for everyone, and honestly, if he feels his calling is elsewhere, Iām all for whatever he feels makes him happy. I have no doubt he will make a positive impact on peopleās lives.Ā Now hereās where the rant really starts. Among this feed of comments, I see two people who completely slammed down my colleagueās decision and expressed their utmost disappointment in his character. āThis is a very bad decision and is VERY SHORT SIGHTED on your part!!!Finish what you startedā¦It will be an asset that you carry around the rest of your life. Perseverance is a virtue that Ministers possess. It is very unwise (yes FOOLISH) to change colleges and majors at this point. It is a prime example of why you should NOT be a ministerā¦..youāre making foolish choices for yourselfā¦.how do expect others to give advice any creedence??!!!ā "IĀ am so disappointed in you.Ā Youāve taken seven years of hard work, and are basically flushing it down the toilet.ā And here I am thinking, dayummm, shitās going kind of weird. Then: āA very bad decision. Youāre not going to make it as a minister. You donāt have the maturity. You canāt even manage your own emotions, your life, or your health. How can you possibly advise others spiritually??? Impossible. Not everyday is fun in music and or being a music student. To say you are not cut out to be a band director shows me you havenāt thought that through. You havenāt even begun to consider the avenues you can follow in the field of musicā¦Your constant direction changes and psychological problems (to include your suicide attempt) is proof positive you donāt have a future in the ministry!!!ā ā¦
Yes. This happened, on a facebook thread.Ā Where do I start with this? Perhaps I should just list my thoughts: -Bringing up someoneās suicide attempt on a public forum is absolutely horrendous and disrespectful.Ā -As someone who is nonreligious, I feel that someone who is recovering well from any type of extreme hardship (and I believe that hardship caused by oneās own mind is the most extreme) would be the best people to inspire others to save themselves. -College is always sold to people as a time to really discover who you are and where you want to go in life. Itās a start, and I believe that there is no time during your college education that is ātoo lateā to switch paths in life. Better and more acceptable now to do so than when youāre on your own as an adult and being distracted by paying back loans and possibly taking care of a family. Take your time to discover yourself, and donāt be afraid to change your mind.Ā -The music major life is very hard. As someone who drove herself mad to the point of hallucination and physical outrage and destruction and who has pretty much dropped permanently from music school. I can tell you that many of us constantly discussed whether or not weāre in the right place, and I would hope that this healthy interaction exists in all schools. We constantly sought feedback from our professors, advisors, and our colleagues to see if the path we were going was truly worth the fight and if we would be happier in it. It is my opinion that regardless how noble the cause, if you are not happy where you are, it will bleed onto your actions in life and affect others negatively.Ā
Others thankfully rushed in to slam on this act of severe line-crossing.Ā Since I very much did not intend on making this personal PSA and am now exhausted from natural fatigue and a short bit of outrage, Iām just going to wrap it up: In the end, people who truly care about your well being will just want to see you happy, regardless of what path youāve decided to follow. Find out what truly makes you happy and donāt be afraid to take your time and change your mind along the way - this is all very healthy. We donāt need anymore people miserable with their lives because they feel āstuckā in a position that they no longer believe in, trust me.Ā
Here's my lousy attempt to reassure myself that quitting was the right choice.Ā

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I wonder how IEI (now IET) is going this year...
It's still going on - tonight's the last night. Maybe they have a live stream I can catch...maybe I shouldn't... This is the first summer that I haven't been involved in a summer camp, and it's a weird feeling especially after attending IEI for the past five years and being known as a "regular" and "veteran."
Got a few texts/messages from my euph friends asking how I've been and that they missed me. I wonder what the professors/teachers think/know. Maybe one day I'll get back into practicing my horn and make another appearance.
Just found a video of my undergrad professor hosting an online music lesson on Youtube.
I really miss him yet feel ashamed to say hi or something since I don't want him to know that I've given up on seriously studying euphonium. I know he'd be satisfied knowing I'm happier now and can now enjoy music again, and that I'm still practicing other instruments, but I still feel kinda bad that I may have potentially wasted five years of his time believing in me.Ā I keep replaying this video. He was another father figure in my life and now I feel like I've truly lost both dads. Sigh.
Why no, I am not possibly dancing my brains out to this. ..too soon?

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MY FEELS ARE INAPPROPRIATE AHABFJKAASF
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