She hasn't really been doing well.
Socializing did help, but the guilt and anger at everything soon crept back up. Icia watches as everyone celebrates and socializes, trying to grasp the joy she felt earlier.... each time, it slips out of reach. Even worse, the tension between Odette and Dunite has certainly gotten to her.
Her stomach is aching. The lump in her throat is growing. Her face hurts from smiling such a fake grin for so long. If it weren't for the obligation to be a good host, Icia would have turned in for the night, locked away in her room or asleep within Lance's arms.
Exhaustion drags at her mind as she ambles through the crowd. Voices blur together into joyous, incomprehensible noise. The only thing coherent to Icia is each thought and regret that runs loops in her brain, clear as day.
Why are you celebrating with Switch gone?
Mocha left, and you couldn't stop him.
Latte deserved that hug more than you.
Achilles is dying soon. And you can't stop it.
Odette and Dunite are fighting once more.
Is everyone truly safe here?
You aren't taking everything into account.
You're supposed to protect them, and here you are hosting a celebration when you couldn't even do your one job.
You're doing a terrible job.
Icia's head snaps up in pure and utter horror as Hexe's voice shines through in her mind. For a moment, she looks around, expecting to see the witch's hat and toothy grin she's grown to dread.... but there is nothing.
Everyone is okay. No one notices her sudden panic.
Icia sighs, quickening her pace to get away from the ice she accidentally left on the ground. Her dress no longer feels comfortable on her skin, bits of frost on the inside of her skirt scratching at her skin. Chills take their time rippling down her spine and sending even more ache into her stomach.
I can't keep pretending like this, she thinks. I need someone to talk to, some kind of distraction.... I need my fiancé, where is Lance, where is he....
She scans the crowd, looking for his familiar brown-to-red hair hopefully nearby....
She sees someone else, though.
Icia pauses. She's never seen her before.
The girl, who seems to sparkle under the chandelier light- from her hair to her skin to her dress- is talking with Starro and Vaga. It's hard to hear over the music, but the three seem to be having fun. She barely looks like an adult.
Icia feels her heart leap.... not in a romantic sense, but something.... something about her is just... so familiar.
The girl glances past Vaga momentarily, locking eyes with Icia. Big, deep, brown eyes.
Sounds start to feel drowned out for Icia, as the girl smiles. She waves goodbye to the boys before walking towards the courtyard.... slipping through the entrance with a grin.
Icia hesitates before following.
The courtyard, with Achilles and Isaac gone, is calm and serene... the moon shines brightly down on the bushes and flowers that line the path. The girl stands in front of an empty statue stand smack in the middle.... Icia hesitantly approaches.
The stranger turns to her with a smile.
The formal addressing catches her off guard temporarily, but Icia brushes that off. She steps forward again.
".... do..... do I know you?" Icia asks, almost a whisper.
The girl grins. "I don't know. Do you?"
"We haven't met before, I believe."
"No, we haven't. Not like this."
Icia isn't sure how to respond to that. A few intuitive feelings rise up.
"..... we've met before in some way, though."
"You could say that, yeah."
She shrugs. "Pretty well, yeah."
Icia pauses, searching her mind for any kind of memory.....
"Allow me to introduce myself... I'm Star." Star curtsies a bit.
"Wait.... you're one of the mods- aren't you?!"
Star laughs a bit more with a giddy grin.
"... oh my gods. You're my mod."
Star smiles even more. "Surprise...!"
Icia feels her breath quicken. Her mod, her creator, standing right in front of her... a bit older than most of the other mods, per say, easily one of the most 'plain human' ones... except for her hands. Her skin fades to black down her arms, white stars speckling the shadowed hands.
".... I.... it's... nice to finally meet you, Star.." Icia bows deeply, trying not to let dizziness overcome her.
"Hey, don't worry about formalities anymore... I've been wanting to introduce myself far too long for that."
Millions of thoughts rise up at once, and Icia finds herself staring in silence as she tries to decide what to say first.
"I'll answer all your questions- or at least, the ones I can think of- soon... for now, I believe you're in dire need of a hug," Star eventually says, opening her arms. Right... mods can basically read minds. Or something like that.
Icia doesn't know what to say or how to respond.... but she slowly moves into Star's arms. As soon as the hands close around her, the will to put on a strong face crashes down, and tears breach her eyes. Star hugs her tight as the guardess quietly sobs.
"I-I don't know what to do," Icia cries, not noticing as Star sits them both down in a stone bench. "Dunite and Odette are fighting again. Achilles is dying soon. Mocha's basically gone. Switch is dead. I didn't even realize Yume was missing until it was too late and she fucking died. I still need to handle Slyn, and I have a family to raise even though I'm not there for them, I need to make sure everyone- including Raina- is able to adjust to the kingdom and heal from Hexe, but I keep seeing her out of the corner of my eye, and... and...."
She pulls back, tears soaking into her gloves. ".... you're doing this to me...."
Star's smile has faded into a sympathetic look as she nods. "I am, yeah.... I'm so sorry...."
".... it hurts so bad. All I want to do is abstract in Lance's arms. Why are you doing this to me...?"
Star looks up at the sky. "... I guess you could say it's some kind of development, but also a kind of projection. But I wouldn't put you through it if I knew you wouldn't be okay in the end."
"This hurts so much. It's so stressful."
"It is, yeah. And it will hurt."
"I don't know what to do... do you have plans for me?"
Star turns back at Icia, a twinkle in her eyes.
"I just.... I don't understand. Why....?"
"I.... don't have a direct answer. Just like how I myself don't have a direct answer for why I suffer in my own life. It's one of those things you can't quite explain..... but, in the least manipulative way possible, I mean everything I do out of love. I won't appear like this to beat you down and hurt you."
Star intertwines her fingers. "And sometimes, no, I don't really have control over what happens. A lot of times, it's how I've developed you. The decisions you make and what happens is based on your current development."
Icia nods. Somehow, that makes sense.
".... I'm just... tired."
Star covers Icia's hands with her own. "I know. I know you are. It's going to get better."
"I... struggle to believe you. Especially with everything I still have to do.... I'm amazed that some people don't hate me...."
Star frowns. "Hey... Icia, listen to me."
"There's a saying, that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest angels. You go through so much because you are so, so, so very special to me. You are the first. The original. All the way since before Ice Anon, even when I didn't know that she would become who you are today. You don't know how fucking proud I am of the way you've grown.
"It's always going to feel tough. There'll be a lot of times where it hurts, and you're probably going to be very, very angry with me. But never is what you go through simply for the cause of hurting you."
Star gently reaches up and wipes some tears off of Icia's face. "You're so, so, so, so, so strong and amazing. I've created you in a vision of who I want to be. Where even if you have weak moments. Even if you crumble and fall. Even if it hurts. You never, ever, ever give up. You're a beautiful, powerful, supreme, elegant, caring, considerate, strategic, smart, strong person..... even when it doesn't feel like it. Even when you can't see yourself in any way except your worst version. I, and so many others, will always see you as a resilient, graceful, amazing woman. I say this as your creator, who has watched people react to you...
"You're doing amazing. Even when those thoughts in your brain tell you you're not."
"You're doing fantastic."
I can't do anything right.
"You're doing everything you can."
"You're perfect in every single one of your flaws."
"You're doing your best for everyone involved."
Icia's hands close around and squeeze Star's own. Her face is stained with even more tears.
"..... will it get better?"
"It will always get better. Everything you go through is to make things better for the future."
"Am I really doing a good job?"
"I'd say you are... I may be biased, though."
"I can't answer that with words... you'll figure it out, though. You'll slowly realize what you can do."
Icia opens her mouth to ask another question.... none comes to mind.
Star grins. "I know you have more questions.... I'll answer them in due time. When we both can remember."
"Well, your mind tends to correlate with mine. I can't remember any more questions you have, so therefore you can't either."
"Is... is that how this works?"
"In our situation, yeah. Once I remember, you will too. Speaking of which...."
Icia suddenly remembers a few more of her questions. Star smiles.
"... woah.... so... you already know every question I have?"
"Yep. I'll give you the liberty of asking them, though."
"How will things go from here...? Will we meet again?"
"Oh, certainly. I'll visit when you ask me to... but I'll also always be around."
"Will I hear you in my mind?"
Star nods. "I'll address you when you want to hear it. It'll just be like another thought."
"Got it," Icia replies. "And... the others? Do they know? ... are you the mod of everyone in the kingdom?"
"Oh GOD no- a good deal of people, yeah. But not everyone."
"You were going around to them.. I saw you talking with Starro and Vaga."
She shrugs. "Just making some small talk, I didn't tell them anything. Only you get to know who I am... they might know me, but who I am- that's a secret between you and me... alright?"
"..... it will get better. Right? With... everyone?"
Star squeezes Icia's hands.
"I promise you, it will. Ode and Dunite will be okay. Achilles will be okay. Slyn will be okay. Your family, the kingdom, your friends, and you will all be okay. Even if it gets worse, it will get better."
Icia nods slightly and looks down. Star looks up at the statue stand in the middle of the courtyard.
"This would be a lovely space for a statue, don't you think...? It's a beautiful place. Surrounded by flowers... good light... anyone can find their way here quickly."
"... I suppose you're right..." Icia wonders why she brought that up, before Star turns back to her.
"It's almost time for us to depart. When I do, the celebration will be over."
Icia's eye widens. "Has it really been that long...?!"
"It has. Even if this world doesn't have time, it's the equivalent of... around 1 or 2 in the morning. I'd suggest you and the other residents break out some drinks, have a little fun."
Icia looks skeptical. "Are you sure that's a good idea...? Are you even able to drink?"
".... technically, no. BUT you all can. Drinking age is 18 in the kingdom and I'm making that official. But seriously, a little buzz might feel nice. You don't even have to socialize with everyone else if you want, you could go off and play piano on your own or with Lance. If Fei will do that."
Ah, right, Fei. Lance's mod. Icia nods a little.
"..... is there anything else I should know....?"
Star thinks for a long, long time. She grabs Icia's hands once more and looks into her eyes.
Icia pauses. ".... what?"
"In recent events, something has come up that even I don't know about. I'm going to try and keep you safe because I don't even know if I want you to deal with it, but, just, please... be careful. Not to alarm you. You're gonna be okay, but be careful."
Icia stares for a while before nodding. After a moment of silence, she pulls the girl into a hug.
"..... thank you. It's been so nice to meet you."
Star smiles and hugs Icia back. "It was nice to finally meet you too, Icia. I'll always be here with you, think of me if you need me."
Icia feels Star's body start to buzz in her hands, like pins and needles everywhere they're touching. When she opens her eyes, Star is gone. All that remains is a gentle flurry of small stars gently drifting up into nonexistence.
A bell at the top of the castle rings loudly. Icia stares up at the sky for a second before reentering the ballroom. Ode hands her a microphone, as the music slowly fades out. The energy in Icia's voice has ceased, now replaced with a lulling, sleepy, formal tone.
"The celebration has now come to a close.
Non-residents are free to depart for the night, although they're free to return another day. All guests, with the exception of Joy, Fynn, and Charles as honorary residents, are excused.
Residents and resident spouses and family are invited to a small informal reception with drinks.
Thank you all for attending, and on behalf of all members of the digital kingdom, we are utmost grateful for not only your time in joining us for this celebration, but we also offer, once again, our highest gratitude to all whom assisted in the kingdom rescue.
You may exist through the portal from which you came from. These ones will cease to exist after all guests have departed; however, if you wish to return- which, I do hope you one day will- there is a permanent portal near Candleton that will bring you here.
Once again, thank you for your attendance in this joyous celebration for the night. I look forward to crossing paths with you all in the future once more, please do find me if there are any questions. And with that, I officially conclude this celebration. I wish everyone a very good and relaxing rest of your nights, sweet dreams when you sleep, and safe travels for returning home."
Icia returns the microphone to Odette and starts handling the aftermath of the party. For a moment, she swears she can see a certain girl outside, peering in with a smile.... but upon second glance, there's no one.
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