Thoughts of a Pessimistic Optimist: Part Two

“Heyyyy, buddy. So… how’s North Carolina? Heard about the murders. That’s rough. Anyway, I’m with the FBI now so give me a call back because you obviously need my help. Also, you still run funny. Ok bye!”

Ron’s dad jokes (“It’s lame trick. Everyone enjoys it’s lameness”) 

Of course Hermione and Ron hyphenated their names 

Scorpius “I’ve always regarded the Pepper Imp as the king of the confectionary bag” Malfoy 

Slytherin getting characters that the whole fandom adores (see above) 

Hermione’s toffee rebellion 

 Rose smells like fresh flowers and bread for some reason “What’s wrong with bread!“ 

"Okay. Hello. Um. Have we hugged before? Do we hug?” my gay sons 

Trolley witch and her pumpkin grenades 

WIZARD RETIREMENT HOMES ARE LIT AF 

Delphi = home of prophecy in the ancient world = so much foreshadowing 

Ron: “Nothing scares me. Apart from Mum" 

*Hermione swings* Ron: "Missed” *Ginny smacks him* Ron: “A very solid hit." 

But Ginny is so fierce in this entire thing and still processing her childhood and *sobs* 

"I want a baby or a holiday and I’m going to insist on it”

 Albus and Scorpius constantly voicing their “friendship” mY GAY SONS 

The French being so unenthusiastic 

 Just Ludo Bagman

Harry not wanting to bear bad news so he steals his son’s chocolate 

MCGONAGALL IS MY QUEEN SHE’S ONLY GOTTEN BETTER 

“Keep up, old man” “We’re the same age, Draco” “I wear it better" 

Ginny’s snark described as "dryer than dry" 

"You two belong together” SO GAY 

Harry does most of the cooking 

SERIOUSLY MCGONAGALL

Albus thinking Scorpius is kind from the depths of his belly to the tips of his fingers 

“Friends?” “Always" 

Moaning Myrtle: "Isn’t everyone so naughty?”

AU Draco supporting his treasonous son *SOBS MORE*

The whole of history pivots on my hero NEVILLE FUCKUNG LONGBOTTOM

Snape is still motivated by Lilly (and also less of a jerk)

AU Ron and Hermione’s constant surprise that they’re in love

“DOG DIGGITY, CEDRIC DIGGORY - YOU ARE A DOGGY DYNAMO”

Snape telling Scorpius to think of Albus his best straight bro when casting a patronus charm

MCGONAGALL: “Please don’t be tiresome, Craig.”

Scorpius’s savage slytherin sarcasm mygOD

SCORPUS MALFOY GEEKBOY SUPREME: “Oh my, that’s her. Wow. Squeak. My geekiness is a-quivering.”

Harry reducing Dumbledore to tears because he was a crappy father figure

All Draco wanted as a child was to be happy

the whole Draco Malfoy fucking subplot omg his development and concern as a father and redemption I can’t

ROn your ponytail sass

and the fact you self declare “the most chilled out of us all”

“Rubbish. Beautifully put, but beautiful rubbish” RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY I CAN’T

Ginny and Albus bonding over falling in the respective Riddle webs of lies

Draco: “I’m being bossed around by Hermione Granger. (she turns toward him. he smiles) And I’m heavily mildly enjoying it” (the dramione fandom screams)

“Hello, Harry Potter. I’m Rubeus Hagrid. And I’m gonna be yer friend whether yeh like it or not” Hagrid is the most pure cinnamon roll in the entire franchise and I can’t handle my emotions”

the boys still hug un the middle of a  forced “i’m totally hetro scene because they’re boyfriends

HARRY POTTER IS  AFRAID OF PIDGEONS

and he visits cedric’s grave the fEELS

To quote Elizabeth Holly: ‘I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING!‘

I wanted to put more things, like eliza showing up asking philip2 who whe was talking to, but the post would bee too long? and instead of asking “how’s mom doing?” I thought in “How’s everyone doing” so little philip could answer with “everyone’s fine, but mom says angelica(Hamilton) is sick” referring to her mental health after philip’s death. Oh,