Jake & Amir Sentence Starters
“God I can’t believe I’m about to do this.”
“I’m sorry I have to lock you in this room for the next five days.”
“I don’t want to owe you any favors either.”
“I wish one thing led to another because what happened next was all at once.”
“So we’re clear she’s sixteen- nineteen!”
“Sometimes truth hurts, you gotta embrace it.”
“Loser, you have a Tinder coach?”
“That makes me real nervous man.”
“Easy! Don’t point that thing at me!”
“Look at me, I’m telling you, there’s no bullets, pull the trigger.”
“There was one bullet in it okay, sue me.”
“Trust me, if I were in an internet video nobody would think I was a jerk.”
“You just rick-rolled an email thread of people planning a funeral dude!”
“You’re not gonna make me feel bad about this.”
“Wow, who threw the scissors? Not cool!”
“You monster! You trash man!”
“You have a very inconsistent style.”
“Let me level with you man cause you’re obviously not gettin’ it I can’t afford to eat $500 every time I go out, I can’t have that on my conscience I can’t have that on my card.”
“Please, one insane thing at a time.”
“Why do you hate yourself?”
“At the end of the day you’re still you, and you suck.”
“I truly believe that the world revolves around me, not metaphorically either.”
“Yes, god does forbid this!”
“Just thinking about it literally all the time makes me sick to my stomach!”
“This photo of you planking at a candle light vigil, I mean I don’t even know what the vigils for but I think no matter what it’s pretty depraved!”
“You’re so hated, buddy.”
“Okay? I’m better than okay! I’m gay!”
“What’s psychotic is you trying to embarrass me for caring about you too much!”
“This is not how I wanted to start my day!”
“You locked yourself in a closet for two hours yelling ‘shoot her, shoot the bitch for all I care!’”
“I mean what is wrong with you? This is so bizarre, why is this our interaction?”
“I’m too busy for ____’s bullshit right now.”
“So they are get rich quick schemes?”
“Kick me while I’m down why don’t ya?”
“Every student was supposed to send a letter to your future self, turns out, every single student sent a letter to me. Yeah, twenty-eight different letters that all start out with the same sentence, ‘I hope you’re not alive to read this.’”
“Your dad is an evil man and he’s raising you to be the spawn of Satan.”
“How was that inadvertent? It was precise, it was methodical, it was illegal.”
“Oh my god. You called us friends.”
“All I know is I can’t afford first and last month or any of the ones in between.”
“Call me a dumbass again and I will smack you, I swear I don’t take kindly to that shit.”
“Will you stop calling my family?!”
“Wow, these are a lot of reckless driving tickets.”
“Okay can you go like five minutes without editorializing.”
“I got arrested for doing ninety in a zero, there’s no like sign or anything but it was a fricken kindergarten so yeah I think you’re supposed to go zero!”
“You sound like the fricken cop that I punched!”
“I don’t know where you get this false sense of entitlement, but you also can’t afford shit.”
janainaart
kianamaiart
