Neck Romancer

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

but I know... it's my own damn fault...

Being a henchman suuuucks dude. This latest guy I'm working for, the War-Madillo, he's got a, an Armadillo- motif, or theme, or whatever, right? That's fine, fine, I did a two-month stint with a Marmoset-themed guy once, it's not bottom of the barrel- except. Except. It turns out, he picked the Armadillo thing because he thinks that they're obligate carnivores. Which they kind of are, I mean I googled this, they're insectivores, but he thinks that they're like, land piranhas. He thinks they work in packs to take down significantly larger animals. He thinks they lay eggs in the remains of their prey. He's killed like three guys for trying to correct him. Me and the other guys are paying out of pocket to get the poor little guys in his Armadillo pit food that they can actually eat. Every time he drops some sucker into that thing we all have to draw straws to see who's gonna have to go in and gnaw on the body so he thinks the Armadillos are doing it. Thank god it's such a long drop

382752488261 unique posts remain

listen, man, I don't appreciate this kind of pressure. I'm posting as often as I can. I spent this morning shoving store-bought eggs down a dead guy's throat. Some of us have jobs, man

brought nothing to the gun fight. whatever man

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

you see people talk about twink and bear as if they’re the alpha and omega, but really, how many people actually fall into those categories as defined? even if you toss in otters, that’s still tremendously limited. we need a new category: the shambling husk

month starting on a monday we have no excuse guys lets get to work and lock the fuck in

yk its actually very chic and avant garde to start on tuesday the second

many claim theres nothing more subversive and revolutionary than starting on wednesday the third

there are simply no words in the english language that can describe starting on thursday the fourth. thats how iconic it is

choosing to start on friday the fifth. i just think its very inspiring

lets all kill ourselves

They just don’t release the hounds like they used to

It’s literally like…… help!! lol. help me!!!! haha.

ultimately we all have to quit our jobs and walk into the sea

should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*

i' m something of a pigeons and rats myself

(absolutely haunted expression, 1000 yard stare) Do yuo want to play with me this weekend

goodbye $200 helloooo 3 groceries

slowing intuiting the rules and goals of solitaire through trial and error on what the computer does and does not let me do rather than looking up the rules because it's a much funnier way to learn

just learned you can move cards between stacks. how lovely

I feel like it's important for the uninitiated to know that OP is playing solitaire on neopets

Isn't this how everyone learned to play Solitaire? Or is that only for people growing up in a very specific time period

My home computer version had a question mark button and if you clicked it then it explained the rules of Solitaire to you

I'm instituting a new policy of "if I can't easily read your crusty scanned PDF then I'm sending it back to you, telling you to get your shit together and save your .docx as .pdf, and causing snakes to manifest inside your house"

this but also if you are in accounting and you have an Excel file please do not save it as a PDF or take a screenshot of it and then paste it into another Excel file

I take it back whatever you have going on is way worse than what I was dealing with holy shit

yeah no this is a real thing an actual human being said to me