let's do questionable things

this probably isn’t what you were expecting, but this is what Hoops inspired my to write.

warnings: unrequited love, kidnapping, death (even then it probably still isn’t what you’d expect)

Theproblem is Steven feels like he feels too much. The problemis what Steven feels isn’t feeling.

He’san empath, and a strong one at that. That’s the power he was bornwith. But there’s a catch (there’s always a catch, always somethinghidden even in things that should be transparent). He doesn’tactually feel anything. All of his emotion is secondhand. He getswisps of happiness from people having good days, anger and melancholyfrom people having not-so-good days (and there are far more peoplehaving not-so-good days than good days, in his experience).

Hispower never bothered him, is the thing. He accepted that that was whohe was, and it never mattered. Then he met Anthony, and it did.Suddenly, it mattered a lot.

BecauseAnthony, well, he isn’t the type of person you would write homeabout. Some people have gone so far as to call him manipulative. Buthe isn’t. He’s just. Like Steven. Unfeeling. But even then, notunfeeling. He’s the antithesis to Steven, really. He taps intopeoples’ emotions, turns them around and dissects them and knows justhow to make people tick. He has his own feelings. So, unlike Steven.And Steven fascinates him to no end.

(“Youreally don’t feel anything? Like, anything?”

“SureI do. But none of it is mine.”

“Yeah,I get that, but like. Nothing? Really?”

“Ifeel that you feel I’m lying. But your powers don’t work on me. Noneof what I feel is my own.”

“God,you’re weird. But interesting.”

“See,if I had emotions, I’d be offended.”)

Hisinability to feel matters even more than usual when Anthony tellsSteven he loves him.

(“Youlove me?”

“Yeah.Why, can’t you feel it on me?”

“There’sno need to try and push my power back in my face. Yes, I can feel iton you, but. Anthony, we’ve had this conversation before. You know Ican’t reciprocate.”

“Andyou know I’ve neverbelieved that. I think if you tried, you could feel something.”

“ButI can’t. I have tried,Anthony. Believe me, I tried for years. I’m incapable of emotion. Itmight be unbelievable to you, but it’s reality.”

“Soyou really think you’re so unfeeling, huh? What about your family?You love them.”

“No.I’m obligated to them because I feel how much they love me, but Ipersonally feel nothing.”

“That’sheartless, Steven. You gotta realize how that sounds.”

“Ido realize how it sounds. I’ve been criticized for it my whole life.But it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t feel anything on my own.Like now, I get your anger and your disgust, but I know it doesn’tcome from within myself.”

“Socouldn’t you just take my love? You could just love me because youcan feel it from me.”

“Anthony-”

“Fuck.I know. God, I know. I just wish that you loved me back.”

“Butthat isn’t how this works.”

“Yeah.I guess. It fucking sucks.”

“I’msorry.”

“No,you aren’t.”

“Iwould be sorry, then.”

“Thatdoesn’t so much for me.”)

Afterthat, it just becomes a point of contention between the two of them.Anthony refuses to believe that Steven can’t feel anything, though hecan’t find any emotion in him to toy with. They argue about it. Well,Anthony argues at Steven while Steven continues to try and explainthat he can’t, he really can’t.

(“Don’tyou want to feelsomething?”

“Idon’t know how to want.”

“You’relike a fucking robot, Steven!”

“Othershave made that comparison, yes.”

“Fuckyou. Really, fuck you,Steven.”

“Youcan’t force me to feel, Anthony. Not even anger.”

“Can’tyou just pretend? Please, just pretendyou love me. Just for a minute.”

“Alright.I love you.”

“Ichange my mind. Don’t do that again.”

“Sorry.”

“Andstop fucking saying you’re sorry. We both know you aren’t.”)

Eventually,it comes to a head. Anthony kidnaps someone.

(“No,listen. I’ll just take her emotions. And you can have them.”

“Idon’t believe either of our power works that way.”

“Ican do it, Steven. I’ve been. I’ve been practicing. Just littlethings. Taking someone’s anger and giving it to someone else. It’sbeen working! And I think I can make you feel. I can even takefeelings when they aren’t being felt. You could finally love me!”

“Idon’t think this is right, Anthony. I don’t think this is a goodthing to do.”

“Whatdo you know? It takes emotions to have morality.”

“Iknow this isn’t right.”

“Youcan’t know that. Not withoutbeing able to feelit.”

“Kidnappingis illegal, Anthony. You could be imprisoned for this.”

“Ihave to try, Steven. Will you at least let me try? I can fix you!”

“I’mnot broken. This is simply the way I am.”

“Butwhat if you do feel like you’re broken and just don’t know it?”

“Thatisn’t for you to decide.”

“I’mfixing you, Steven. Whether you want it or not.”)

Anthonysiphons away the woman’s feelings, reaching into her very soul anddragging out every last drop. He pours it into the empty husk that isSteven (he knows he’s right in doing it, that this is the way to fixSteven).

And itdoesn’t work, Steven doesn’t feel. The woman he’d fed off of neverwakes up.

SoAnthony does it again, and again, and Steven thinks he should stopAnthony but he never can. Anthony works tirelessly to improvehimself, to improve Steven. He thinks he’s getting closer. Stevendoes feel when the transfer occurs, but it doesn’t last long. It’sjust a moment of all raw emotion, flooding his senses and practicallyblinding him until it’s over. Anthony thinks the moments last longereach time, so he continues his work.

Stevenis left feeling more hollow with each progressive attempt. His powershardly seem to work. He’s constantly exhausted, some days can hardlymake himself eat. Anthony swears he’s almost there.

Peoplekeep going missing, and eventually questions are asked. Steven can’tanswer them because he knows Anthony would never forgive him, and thethought of life without Anthony is a thought Steven doesn’t think forlong. Maybe Anthony’s grim method is working, somehow (but Stevenisn’t sure how long he can continue this, isn’t sure he can take thetoll it puts on his body).

Thecrux of the matter is that Anthony gets greedy. He takes three peopleat once.

(“Thiswill do it, Steven. I’m sure.”

“Ifit doesn’t work, you’ll stop.”

“Stop?We’re getting so close, why do you want to stop?”

“You’rekilling me, Anthony. Not emotionally or mentally, but physically. I’mnot sure how much more my body can take before it starts to shutdown.”

“Iwon’t let it get that far.”)

Buteven three isn’t enough to give Steven genuine emotion. The emotionis channeled into him and fuck, this time it hurts.The pain is excruciating. Steven screams, he thinks, and he can hearAnthony’s voice but it’s so far away, the only thing in all ofexistence is pain.

Butthen- Nothing.

Stevencan’t feel it anymore. He can’t feel Anthony’s emotions, usually soloud and omnipresent. He looks up. Anthony is staring at him, eyeswide.

(“Didit work?”)

Stevendoesn’t know. He tries to get to his feet, and Anthony helps him up.As soon as they touch, Steven feels it (worry, concern,curiosity, heartache) and knowsit’s his for the taking. So he does. He looks Anthony in the eyes ashe drains him, watches Anthony go from concerned to confused topained to terrified.

(“Steven,stop. Stop, please. Steven, it hurts. What are you doing? Stop!Steven!”)

Therush is heady. Intoxicating.

Hedrinks Anthony dry, and when Steven releases him he goes limp,collapsing on the floor. Steven enjoys the high of emotion, ridingout the wave until it fades. He doesn’t know how long it takes, isn’taware of the passage of time. When he opens his eyes he’s surroundedby bodies. The three people Anthony had kidnapped, and Anthony. He’dthink they were asleep if he were that naive.

ButSteven isn’t.

(“Iguess it did work. In a way.”)

oh my god this is cute af. jeez i miss the deathventure. i’m glad you guys still think fondly of it <3.

WHAT NO I HAVEN’T SEEN THE REVEAL DOES SOMEONE HAVE A LINK OR SMTHN OMG

i sure can! thanks for asking <3

Favorite genre of fic?

oohhhh that’s difficult... i really love horror fics actually, but i guess just AUs in general? i really love AUs.

What is the longest fic you’ve read?

i think it might be Ready to Take a Chance Again by Grinder1833 (luke/noah from As The World Turns). i’ve read some pretty long fics but that’s the one i can think of right now....

Favorite trope/element/scenario in fic?

as i said in the last post, i love fake relationships, but i also love fics where a group of pals become a family and all love each other a lot <3

Least favorite trope/element/scenario?

i do not like when there is non-con happening.

Has a fic ever made you cry?

yes. i have bawled like a baby a few times.

Any characters who you can't stand to see in pain?

no. i frequently put characters through pain just for fun.

How and when did you get introduced to smut fic? Any horror stories?

jesus my first smut fic was idk two years ago? three? there was rimming involved and anal bleeding and LET ME TELL YOU WHAT THAT WASN’T A GOOD PLACE TO START. i just kinda found it and i was like oh okay and my face turned bright red and i was like omg.... but now i’m just like meh ok. no real horror stories i guess? not good at the whole memory thing, though, so i’m sure i’ve read something awful at some point.

Rough sex or gentle sex?

it depends on the situation but they both have pros and cons.

can do friendo ;) thanks for asking!

Do you read AUs?

yes i do indeed. i love AUs.

Favorite AU tropes?

fake relationship, supernatural elements i guess?

Least favorite AU tropes?

NO ONE EVER TALKS TO EACH OTHER PLEASE COMMUNICATE

Do you like UAs (universe-alterations, when the main universe and characters are the same but one plot point/decision/outcome is altered)?

I LOVE THOSE LIKE IMAGINE IF THIS ONE BIT WAS DONE THIS WAY AND THIS HAPPENED AND everyone died or mAYBE THEY WERE ALL OKAY IDK I LOVE IT

Do you like high school and college AUs?

well diddly darn i sure do love me a hs/college au that shit is my damn jam

Do you like crossovers? If so, favorite crossover?

don’t read a lot of crossovers, really. i’ve liked the ones i’ve read, though. i’ve written one or two before i think.

How do you feel about parent!fics/lovechildren? How about mpreg?

parent fics can be very very cute. esp if 1 is insecure thinking they’ll be a bad parent and 2 is like noooononono and 1 turns out to be THE BEST PARENT

How do you feel about genderbending? De-aging? Animalizing?

i’ve only ever read a couple of “genderbends” but they were p good. i prefer trans character fics tbh. love de-aging, it’s A Good Trope. i’ve written a couple animalizing fics so lol i guess i like them.

Favorite AU fic?