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So depressed lately .. I can’t get a grasp on my life. Days are floating away with out me growing and living. I feel still. I am not progressing. Things are getting worse each day. Why can't I wake up from this . What the fuck is wrong with me

Literally always has to have a problem with me we can't do anything with out you getting mad at me .. nice . Great day always gets runinwd and I'm tired of it . Realll tired

I think maybe if I was better these things wouldn't happen to me . Maybe if I had a beautiful body and personality my bf would like me more . Maybe if I wasn't annoying or too much or too clingy and too " fucking ignorant " I would receive tons of love . Maybe if I were better inside and out my days would be easier I wouldn't have to stress maybe if I was beautiful my bf wouldn't like other girls picutes Maybe if I were enough things would be different . Maybe things would be easier . Maybe I'm hard to love that's why everyone leaves me . If I were easier to love maybe my bf would want to be around me. Maybe if I were a better person I would have friends . I think about leaving every day . Just leaving everyone so they could be free . I'm dragging everyone down around me . I feel so low . I know I am not worth a lot . I know I am not incredible. Maybe if I were different things would be easier on everyone . I think about dissapering but where would I stay .. Maybe just maybe if I were enough I could receive the love and care I earn for . If I were more beautiful and caring and special I know things could be easier for my loved ones . Just maybe ..