you’re not flawed darling, just a little under-rehearsed

[ID: Tweet by Casual Thursday that reads, "You're all gonna feel really stupid when Mitch returns to the senate with an amazing BBL." End ID]

I think the funniest thing about the World Cup is how badly the US fumbled all the goodwill it had going. You had three weeks of Europeans doing free propaganda on how America Is Great, Actually and how nice everyone is and how fascinated they are with big box stores and American food culture and then Trump makes one (1) phone call to try and swing a match in the USMNT's favour and suddenly everyone is like "yeah no actually fuck America." And I just think that's neat.

the reason that wounds that break the skin hurt is because its always supposed to be dark inside your body and when your blood sees sunlight for the first time it gets scared. and that causes the pain. or maybe it doesnt

I feel like having wings violently burst out of your back would just feel really good. Like itd feel awful but also itd feel really satisfying.

does anyone else have parents who suck in objectively funny ways

im going through some bullshit someones homestuck fankid would experience

one moment ☝️ *pauses the blowjob to start violently coughing up blood*

you're just mad because you're hungry and tired and your legs hurt and you head hurts and you're too hot and you have depression

Stealing this from twitter but I liked the concept: put in the tags where were your 8 great-grandparents from (given modern borders) ?

[Image ID: a tumblr comment by @/faggotzoro , timestamped as 37 minutes ago. "ok i voted 3-5 because the first two sharks could be seen as a tragic incident but when you hit the role of threes you're like oh fuck that's a sharknado. but i'd like to add to my answer which is that i think it can also depend on how much it looks like the shark is scared. if the shark looks frightened that is an animal that needs to be rescued from a tornado. if the shark looks determined and slightly ravenous it doesn't matter how many sharks there are, that's a sharknado and you'd best stop it before that one determined and slightly ravenous shark recruits more to his cause". /.End ID]

me after a minor inconvenience: i hope i get hit by a [remembers i’m anti car-centric infrastructure] pedestrian

dude’s fucking TORN about whether or not to buy a beret