Reaching for Authenticity

A child celebrated, on a day holding different meanings.

Birthed, abandoned, orphaned.

A life unwanted.

Expected to be happy,

Stop behaving different, so others will still not accept you.

Quick now, toss your needs to the side.

Apply the mask to conform.

Still not enough, whether at home and at school.

Be still. Stop spinning in your chair, and stop picking your nails.

Don’t be yourself.

Be quiet, not so loud.

Don’t be quiet, speak up.

Don’t interrupt in the middle of conversations.

Not right now, I’m too busy for you.

Even when your soft voice found a chance to speak, it was interrupted, spoken over, or ignored.

Week after week attempts to better myself

Failed again.

Intentions of self towards healing and progress,

Undetected by those I love too much.

Doubts begin to flood this clouded mind.

Am I doing something wrong?

Followed by shame and guilt.

Messages come from every direction,

circling around my mind.

I need to try harder.

I need to shift my perspective and focus.

You’re crazy and making excuses.

You brought this on yourself.

These feelings of hurt and pain,

resonate deep from within my being.

If you worry so much,